Middle Aged Road Trip

My buddy Dane is turning 50 this weekend, so six of us (all college friends) are taking a road trip up to Milwaukee to celebrate with him.

The itinerary has been set. Tonight we'll help out at the soup kitchen and deliver meals on wheels to elderly shut ins. Then tomorrow we'll do what we used to do in college. We'll go to the library, read some philosophy, then have coffee and chat about the meaning of life until the wee hours of the morning.

Then Sunday we'll be spending the entire day in church.

And that, your honor, was what we had every intention of doing before we drove by the first brewery. Who knew that Milwaukee had so much beer?

Skyjack DUI

This is one of the funniest arrest videos I've ever seen. Thanks to "DM" for sending it to me...

The Bionic Woman

The television show "The Bionic Woman" debuted exactly thirty five years ago today. I was living in Germany then, and it was also a big hit there. Think about it. Why wouldn't the Germans love it? She was Blonde. Aryan. Strong. Fast. Her inefficiencies had been replaced by machines.

This show might as well have been made for the German audience...

Ryno moves on

Dan McGrath of the Chicago News Operative scored one of the first in-depth interviews with Ryne Sandberg since he became part of the Phillies organization.

It sounds like he's still upset, but I really don't think he's bitter.

At least I hope not.

My blackberry isn't working

This made me laugh out loud several times. Very clever...

The Cubs in High School

Despite my ridiculous Cubs fanaticism (or maybe because of it), one of my boys is not a big baseball fan. He doesn't hate it. He's just completely indifferent to the sport.

I'll give you a great example of how indifferent he is. Yesterday after he came home from school we were discussing his upcoming finals, and working out a study schedule, when I asked him about his 8th period class.

"Oh," he said. "We didn't have that class today. There was a pep assembly."

"For what?" I asked.

"The Cubs were there."

"The what?"

"The Chicago Cubs," he said. "I guess their manager went to my high school."

I stared at him to see if he was just messing with me, but he wasn't.

"Mike Quade was there?"

"Yeah, that's the guy. And he brought a bunch of players too. I only recognized a few of their names. Sean Marshall was there. Koyie Hill. And a bunch of other guys."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I don't know," he said. "I didn't think it was important."

That's my oldest son, the 15 year old. He's right, of course, it's not important in the big scheme of things.

I just provide this anecdote as Exhibit A: Sometimes the apple actually does fall far from the tree. And in this case--that's a good thing.

Speaking Nonsense

I'm not even sure why this made me laugh, but it definitely did...

Batman

The television show "Batman" premiered on this day in 1966, exactly 45 years ago. I loved this show. I'm pretty sure I've seen every episode.

They took the reruns off the air briefly in the 70s because of the violence (I kid you not). Of course, nobody believed it was real violence for a second. I was five and didn't speak English that well, and even I knew it was cartoon violence.

I still remember vividly the first time I saw the show on a color television. (We didn't have one yet). It was like an explosion of color.

The entire debut episode is on YouTube. If you've got 25 minutes to waste (or you're looking for an excuse to waste it), here it is...

All in the Family

Forty years ago today "All in the Family" aired for the first time. That first episode contained a historic television moment: the first toilet flush.

We never missed the show in my house because the characters reminded us of real people (unlike most shows on TV). Plus it was hilarious.

This is the first time Archie met Meathead...

The Cubs Convention

After much worrying about attendance, the Cubs convention has sold out again after all. The big draws are two of the newest Cubs: Carlos Pena and Matt Garza.

They'll both be there.

Once again, I will not. I have to go out of town this weekend. But if I would have been in town, I would have considered going this year. It could be pretty emotional. I'm sure they'll be doing some sort of tribute for Santo.

Father Knows Nothing

I've been getting a bunch of e-mails about my Father Knows Nothing site being down, and I couldn't figure out what the problem was until this morning.

It's not down, they just changed the link. If you bookmarked the previous link, that doesn't work anymore. NWI Parent redesigned the website, and now the current link is this: http://nwitimes.com/app/parent/blogs/fatherknowsnothing

All of the links on my other blogs directing you to Father Knows Nothing are now fixed too.

Please feel free to bookmark it again.

This week's column is about a near death experience on my most recent ski trip.

E-mails, we get e-mails

"RS" writes...

"Rick, has anyone ever mentioned that actor Jason Segel looks like you? That is my opinion."

Hmmm. No, can't say that anyone has. I just looked up his birthday, and he was born in 1980. Was he born in Germany? Maybe I'm his dad.

Hilarious Golf Movie

This made me laugh out loud...

Jokes for a Monday morning

Contributed by "AH"....

Highlights from the Hollywood Squares



Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!


Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Father Knows Nothing

My latest "Father Knows Nothing" column has been posted at NWI Parent. This one is about my recent ski trip with the boys. I call it "Radar for Danger."

You can read it here.