They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.
Quiz: How well do you understand your woman?It’s really not fair. Women’s magazines have all sorts of quizzes for women to test themselves. They can find out if their relationship will last, if they are compatible with their spouse, and if they are definitely going out with a loser. They can find out if they are fat, if they are getting good bargains, or if their man will think they are fat and spending too much money.
What about us?
Where are our quizzes?
Your good friends at Half Empty have come through for you again. Today we’re offering our first quiz. As men with a significant amount of experience with women (ahem), we’re certainly qualified to administer this quiz. Be sure to add up your points at the end of the quiz and see how well you understand your woman.
1. When you ask your woman if something’s wrong, and she screams “NOTHING’S WRONG! STOP ASKING ME THAT!” What does she really mean?
A) Nothing’s wrong. Stop asking me that.
B) Want a sandwich?
C) Of course something is wrong, pinhead. I’m not going to tell you what is, but if you don’t figure it out, you will wish you were never born.
2. When you tell your woman you’re going out with the guys if it’s OK with her, and she replies: “Do what you want.” What does she really mean?
A) Do what you want.
B) If you stay home I’ll make it worth your while.
C) I will never, ever, let you forget about this.
3. When your woman says to you—“You seem a little overly frisky tonight,” what does she really mean?
A) You seem a little overly frisky tonight.
B) Stop being so subtle; it’s go-time.
C) Hose it down, Romeo—it’s not happening tonight no matter how hard you try.
4. When your woman says to you—“This kitchen is driving me crazy,” what does she really mean?
A) This kitchen is driving me crazy.
B) Who wants a sandwich?
C) Get me a new house.
5. When you ask your woman if her engagement ring is big enough, and she replies: “It’s not the size of the diamond, it’s the size of the heart.” What does she really mean?
A) It’s not the size of the diamond, it’s the size of the heart.
B) Do not, under any circumstances, upgrade the size of my diamond.
C) If size really mattered, would I still be with you?
6. When your woman says: “It’s your decision,” what does she really mean?
A) It’s your decision
B) I will always do what my man wants me to do.
C) The correct decision should be obvious by now, and if you get it wrong, I’ll be sure to let you know.
7. When your woman asks: “Do I look fat in this?” What does she really mean?
A) Do I look fat in this?
B) Look at my behind. Does that give you any ideas?
C) I hate you.
8. When your woman says, “We need to talk more,” what does she really mean?
A) We need to talk more.
B) I’m feeling a little frisky; it’s your move, Romeo.
C) You better start agreeing with everything I say.
9. When your woman says “I’ll be ready any minute,” what does she really mean?
A) I’ll be ready any minute.
B) Go make yourself a sandwich, you look a little hungry.
C) We are going to be very, very late.
10. When your woman says “Isn’t this baby adorable?” What does she really mean?
A) Isn’t this baby adorable?
B) Aren’t you glad we don’t have one?
C) Take out a loan, pal, we’re building an addition.
Answer Key: Give yourself zero (“0”) points for every question you answered “A”. Give yourself five (“5”) points for every question you answered “B”. Give yourself ten (“10”) points for every question you answered “C”. Count up your points and see how well you know your woman.
0-10 points
You don’t really have a woman, do you?
10-50 points
You may or may not know your woman. You apparently are in desperate need of a sandwich and/or a release. After you get that, try to take the quiz again.
50-80 points
Your woman is probably only mad at you a few days a week. Life would be so much easier if you had a triple digit IQ.
80-100 points
Congratulations. You know your woman very well. Welcome to middle age. Don’t you wish you could have known this stuff twenty years ago? Think of how many needless headaches you could have avoided.
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