By Rick Kaempfer
Every parent knows that the most satisfying and wonderful part of parenting is watching your child grow up. It’s really quite amazing. You see him develop from a little blob, to a walking/talking little person, to someone with a personality, to someone who may actually make a contribution to society.
As this happens, you can’t help but wonder where he will fit in someday. Every parent does this. You get an idea in your head about your child’s potential profession and you make little bets with yourself—trying to predict.
I know my kids are young (11, 8, 4), but now that I’m around them 24 hours a day (will this summer ever end?); I’m prepared to make official predictions.
Sean (4 years old)
Here’s a question that Bridget and I have never asked: “Is Sean awake?”
Sean is loud. When he wakes up in the morning, he is already talking. He continues talking for the rest of the day, pausing only to breathe occasionally. The most common question we hear from people who spend a whole day with him is: “Does he ever stop talking?”
No. He doesn’t. He provides a running commentary on every single thing he sees throughout a day. He’s talking right now. He talks when eats. He talks when you’re talking. He even talks in his sleep. When I ask him to be quiet, he's not quiet enough to hear me ask.
If you can get past the noise, however, Sean has some great qualities. He’s very intelligent and inquisitive, and his enthusiasm is absolutely contagious. Every single thing is a big deal to him, and that’s fun to watch.
Last night when I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up, he was so excited by the question he couldn’t stop giving me possibilities. After talking it out, he narrowed it down to two choices. He is either going to be a doctor so he can give out band-aids to everyone (he believes that band-aids cure everything), or a fireman because he likes the hats.
My prediction? Politician.
Johnny (8 years old)
Johnny has got a big heart. He absolutely loves everyone. In fact, considering that he’s half German, his fondness for hugging is almost disconcerting.
On the other hand, Johnny is also a big enforcer of the rules…for other people. When Sean or Tommy break the rules, Johnny can be counted on to let me know. No rule is insignificant enough to be disregarded. The other night he nearly turned the table over at dinner time when Sean was chewing with his mouth open (because Sean’s mouth never actually closes).
While he could be classified as a tattle-tale, Johnny is also willing to take matters in his own hands. If I’m not around to be informed of his brother’s indiscretions, Johnny has no qualms with instituting vigilante justice. He’s got Irish blood in him from his mother’s side, and his Irish temper is always just below the surface. As far as Johnny’s concerned, the perps need to pay, and if nobody else is willing or able to make them pay…a man’s gotta do, what a man’s gotta do.
I asked Johnny what he wants to be when grows up. He told me he wanted to be a wrestler in space.
My prediction? Chicago cop.
Tommy (11 years old)
Tommy is unusually bright. So much so, he frightens me at times. On the other hand, when you have an overabundance of one thing, you have a tendency to have some glaring weaknesses too. For Tommy, that would be anything in the physical realm. This is a boy who broke his arm tripping over his own shoelaces.
Every day is a series of endless possibilities and challenges. He can instantly convert any word problem into an equation, but he forgets that his chair isn’t there anymore before he sits down. He can study a scientific phenomenon for weeks, but he can’t remember to put on his shoes before he leaves the house. He can search the audio files on his computer, transfer them into editing software, and create an audio montage, but he doesn’t notice that his glasses have an inch of dirt covering the lenses.
I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up, and he said: “Cartoonist.” (See previous Suburban Man: “Cartoon father”).
My prediction? I.T. Guy
I reserve the right to change my mind, but as of August 22, 2006, that is my prediction.
Someday I fully expect to have a sticker on my car bumper from Sean’s latest campaign, a police sticker in my back windshield from Johnny (protecting me in case I get pulled over), and the most bitchin’ computer at the old folks home thanks to Tommy.
Feel free to check back in twenty years to see how I did.
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