By Rick Kaempfer
I overheard this conversation a few weeks ago. My two youngest sons were putting on their snowpants and boots, and getting ready to play in the snow. Sean (age 5) and Johnny (age 9) had no idea I could hear them because I was sitting around the corner.
Sean: Why did Dad say we shouldn’t eat snow?
Johnny: He just means the yucky snow.
Sean: What’s the yucky snow?
Johnny: Anything that isn’t white.
Sean: All snow is white.
Johnny: Nuh uh. Sometimes it’s gray or black. That means it’s dirty. If you eat it, it’s like you’re eating mud.
Sean: What if it’s blue?
Johnny: It’s never blue.
Sean: What if it is?
Johnny: It won’t be. It could be yellow, though. Don’t eat that. It’s animal pee. And brown is animal—
Sean: What if it’s green?
Johnny: That’s just the grass underneath it.
Sean: What if it’s orange?
Johnny: It won’t be orange.
Sean: But if it’s a snowman’s nose, it could be orange. Snowmans have orange noses.
Johnny: They do not.
Sean: (forcefully) YES THEY DO. They have carrots.
Sean: What if it’s red?
Johnny: That’s blood.
Sean: No, it’s not. It’s diarrhea.
Johnny: (forcefully) NO, it’s NOT. Diarrhea is brown.
Sean: I had red diarrhea one time.
Johnny: No you didn’t.
Sean: (forcefully) YES I DID.
Johnny: Not outside in the snow.
Sean: Maybe an animal has red diarrhea.
Johnny: What kind of animal?
Sean: A red fire Pokemon.
Johnny: Those aren’t real.
Sean: What about a cardinal?
Johnny: All birds have white poop.
Sean: But I thought you said that white snow…
Johnny: Uh oh.
This originally appeared on my blog at NWI Parent, "Father Knows Nothing." If you haven't yet checked out "Father Knows Nothing", there are several new columns there that I haven't shared here at Suburban Man headquarters.
Click here to see them.