Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.
Joke of the Week: I hope everyone had a great Easter. Please enjoy these "Easter Jokes" contributed by "E"
Q. What do Easter Bunny helpers get for making a basket?
A. Two points, just like anyone else.
Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A. The Ether Bunny
Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A. He doesn't want the other bunnies to know tht he was fooling around with the chickens.
* * * * *
As a man was coming out of church one day, the preacher was standing at the door as he always does to shake hands. He grabbed the man by the hand and pulled him aside The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
The Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service. "
* * * * *
Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?
The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey and are thankful..." "Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St. Peter.
He turns to the second blonde, and asks her the same question: "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place. She is not welcome in Heaven.
He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is"? The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
St Peter smiled broadly with delight. The third blonde continued... "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
Stories you might have missed
1. A Good Marriage Leads to Good Blood Pressure
(Uh oh. I wonder if it works the other way around too? I've had high blood pressure since shortly after I got married.)
2. Things that White People Like
(I've been getting links to this site sent to me about once a week. It's not a story-per-se, but it's funny.)
3. "It's Raining McCain" by the McCain Girls
(He should use this as a campaign ad. It's exactly as hip as he is.)
4. What would Kate Beckinsale rather eat than sushi?
(It starts with a V, and no, this isn't a link for the kids.)
5. Man blames speeding on bad oreo dunk
(In this case "oreo dunk" does not have a secret meaning)
Video of the week: Contributed by "Z". There's something oddly amusing about this...
Picture of the week:
Contributed by "B": Redneck Tree Swing
Reader Response
Regarding Chicago Radio Spotlight: Matt DuBiel
"Rick, Steve was ripping your interview on the air this week. He spent almost an hour on it and said that you obviously have some unresolved issues because you dared to ask a question of your interview subject about what it was like working with Steve. Did you hear any of that?"
--J
"Steve took a few shots at you on the air this week. He said, 'Rick was my producer when I was with Garry. He wasn't very good, but he was a nice guy.' Then he ripped your interview."
--K
Rick responds: I haven't had a chance to check out Steve's show since he moved to mornings because it gets a little crazy at my house in the morning, but I'm sure whatever he said was all in good fun. By the way, his description of me ('he wasn't very good, but he was a nice guy') is pretty accurate. That was my first job in Chicago radio and I didn't really know what I was doing. I learned a lot from him, including the standard explanation if anyone asks you about a rip job. Always say: "it's just a bit."
Regarding Suburban Man: "Young Love"
"Just wait until he's in seventh grade and you find the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue hidden in the bottom of his sock drawer. I really don't think he was hoarding it for the articles, either. Also, wait until those cute little girls are able to read and write complete sentences.
*Dear Junior, You're such a hottie. Would you go with me? If you don't want to go with me, would you go with Amanda?
*Dear Junior, I saw you riding your bike the other day. You're such a cutie. I was going to walk by your house on Saturday, but I'm afraid of your mom. (YESSS!)
*Dear Junior, Hi cutie. So, do you have a game tonight? You're number 52, right?
*Dear Junior, How are you? This class is so boring. Are you going to the dance? I hope I see you there before Alyssa does.
Yes, those were actual notes I found shoved in a book bag. Before that, the worst thing that came tumbling out of there was a dissected frog. My son always claimed that he never wrote them back and did nothing to encourage them to write notes. I believe it. He is a guy, after all. Oh, and I think the word you were looking for to answer Sean's question is a 'crush.' Because, inevitably, that's what happens to the feelings of the one experiencing it! "
--A
"Aww! Your son is so adorable. That story gave me a good laugh and melted my heart too. I look forward to when my daughter is a little older and we get some good talks with her."
--T
"How cute. The other day when I arrived at my five-year-old’s preschool to pick her up, one of her boy classmates gave her a big hug and said, “See ya later, Sweet Cheeks!” Sounds like he and your son would get along; they are old souls."
--J
Regarding "Just One Bad Century": Boots Day
"My favorite Cub short-timer is is Roe Skidmore. Look him up. He was the playground supervisor during the noon hour at my grade school when he was in college at Millikin. Nice guy."
--R
302 days until we get a new president.
