Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.
Joke of the Week: Contributed by "B"
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda.
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet . If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ' d usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network cartoons either! You could only get on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a fringing fire...imagine that!
If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
Stories you might have missed
1. Rudy Huxtable is playing a hooker
(Sign #7538 that we're not getting any younger.)
2. Finally, an appropriate place for Ann Coulter book signing
(Hint: It's her potty and she'll spout if she wants to)
3. Marty Brenneman: Chicago's Public Enemy #1
(Even a Hall of Famer can step over the line.)
4. Japanese baseball team gives up 66 runs in two innings
(The pitcher...and this is no joke...threw 250 pitches before his coach threw in the towel.)
5. Meteor hits Kokomo
(Don't worry--it was Kokomo, Indiana. The surviving Beach Boys were unharmed.)
Video of the week: Have times changed since the '60s? Watch this Folgers commercial from that era and you tell me.
Picture of the week: Contributed by "P" with this comment. "I knew the German Pope would make some changes."
Reader Response
Regarding Suburban Man: "Confession Time". I got lots of responses. Here are a few of my favorites...
"You are either brave, or a glutton for punishment. Hilarious column! The Huggy Bear response from one of your readers made me laugh so hard that tears ran down my face.
As long as we're confessing shit......
I tell people that this was my first album:
But it was actually this one:
No lie. I wouldn't lie to a fellow Child of the 70's, especially one brave enough to lay it all out there like that.
I also owned the Grease soundtrack in all it's double album glory as well as Saturday Night Fever. I actually have them both on CD, now (for nostalgia's sake, of course. Cough.) Were you also one of those Children of the 70's who was issued Frampton Comes Alive once they hit puberty?
I tell people that my first live concert was REO Speedwagon, the Tuna Tour, circa 1979. Truth be told, that was my second live concert. My first one was actually Andy Gibb at the Wisconsin State Fair in 1977. Stop laughing.
I had a Starsky and Hutch t-shirt in sixth grade. It was an adult XL and came down past my knees, so I wore it as a nightgown. I was going to marry Starsky. Didn't quite work out for some reason. I also had posters of the Sweathogs on my bedroom wall. Once I entered junior high, I went from TV idols to music idols. Enter the aforementioned Gibb and his brothers."
--A
****
"First album? Simon & Garfunkel’s Greatest Hits. (I did have “I Think I Love You” on a 45, though.) Second album? Seals & Crofts.
TV theme song? I had the 45 of the theme from The Rockford Files, and played it on endless repeat.
First concert? I was a late bloomer, so my first concert was the Eagles (The Long Run Tour), WITH SPECIAL GUEST, CHRISTOPHER CROSS (Ride Like the Wind, baby!) at Alpine Valley, circa 1980.
And forget Grease and Saturday Night Fever….when it comes to John Travolta, I was into the URBAN COWBOY soundtrack all the way!
Most scandalous song? A tie between Rod Stewart’s “Tonight’s the Night,” and Exile’s “I Want to Kiss You All Over.” Seems pretty tame these days."
--M
****
"Regarding your request for others to share...OK -- I will bite....
I owned the Partridge Family Album as well as the Grease Soundtrack...I could probably find these somewhere in my house if I looked hard.
Disco Demolition? Nope, I was worse. I actually liked Disco and used to go "disco dancing". I still have some songs on my iPod.
Now I not only still listen to Ted Nugent (including "Wango Tango" which by the way, a trainer at my health club has as his ring-tone when he gets a text message so there are others who still like the song) but I go and see him whenever he is in the Chicago area. I went to the House of Blues in August to see him, was right up front and caught an autographed guitar pick he threw out. I brought it home, gave it a place of honor in my jewelry box (to keep it away from my 8 y/o daughter who thought it would make a good addition to her room). My husband is convinced I am certifiable. It isn't bad enough this 40-something Mom of a 5 and 8 year old goes to see Ted Nugent but I bring home guitar picks and am just a little too excited about it."
--J
****
"I think you should change your disclaimer to people born after 1985, because I was born in 1980 and almost all of the pop culture references flew past me! But other than that, this is a hilarious post. That prom photo is priceless!"
--P
****
"What I love most about that prom photo is that your hair helmet is bigger than your date's!"
--J
Rick responds: With hair, I was 6'3". Without it, 5'10".
Regarding "Just One Bad Century" (radio interviews)
"Rick, I've been listening to you on with John Landecker every Saturday morning and it's a pleasure to hear you back on the radio--especially with John. You can tell that the two of you are buddies, and it's really entertaining."
--N
274 days until we get a new president.
