Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.
Joke of the Week: Father's Day jokes, contributed by "F"
One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mommy put you in charge, right?"
*****
"Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?"
"But I've given you 10 glasses of water already!"
"Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!"
*****
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want! In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son,
Benjamin
P. S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
*******
A Man gets on the train with his son and gives the conductor one ticket. "How old's your kid?" asks the conductor, and the father says, "He's four years old."
"He looks at least twelve to me," says the conductor, and the father says, "Can I help it if he worries?"
Stories you might have missed
1. Sandra Day O'Connor comes out with a video game
(I'm thinking a gavel is involved somehow...)
2. Fly the airline for fat people: Derrie Air
(I'm not going to explain...click on the link to find out the real story)
3. The most bizarre port-a-potty story ever
(A naked man...a few alcohol beverages...the jaws of life...)
4. 4 more weeks until due date for pregnant man
(Yes there are pictures at the link...)
5. Brad Pitt buys a $293,000 table
(My limit is $200,000. Anything more than that is irresponsible.)
Video of the week: WLS Commercial from 1981, with Rodney Dangerfield and Larry Lujack
Photo of the week: Contributed by "B"
Reader Response
Regarding Suburban Man: Bad Dad
"I have forgotten so many things and somehow my daughter has not only survived, but usually forgets about it within the hour. You are not alone. And you are certainly NOT a bad dad!"
--P
Regarding Just One Bad Century
"I love the new Losing is sooo last century shirt. I just bought one for my dad."
--M
"That anti-St. Louis onesie makes me want to have another kid. I even remember when I started to hate them, back in like 83-84 when I worked the Cubby Bear selling hotdogs and beer for a few weeks. Their fans were insufferable and my disdain for the Cards and other St. Louis teams remains strong to this day."
--T
225 days until we get a new president.
