Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.
Joke of the Week: The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
Stories you might have missed
1. A beautiful father-son moment: Ryan & Redmond O'Neal
(Arrested together for crystal meth. Awwww. Isn't it heartwarming to see that they're spending time together?)
2. Wisconsin football player: Arrested for DUI...on a moped
(Doesn't he know that the snowmobile is the proper vehicle for Wisconsin DUI arrests?)
3. What would your name be if Sarah Palin was your mother?
(Mine is "Wing")
4. Tony Kornheiser: "I took high school Spanish, either he said he's not going to be caught, or please pick up my dry cleaning tomorrow."
(Countdown to his exit from MNF begins now...)
5. GOP Delegate's hotel room tryst goes bad when he wakes up with $120,000 missing
(This is a hilarious story)
Video of the week: Look at the guys behind the reporter...
Photo of the Week: GO CUBS! Losing really is soooo last century. Right? These shirts are available here. Get yours for the playoffs.
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READER RESPONSE
Regarding "Chicago Radio Spotlight"
"As an old time fan of the glory days at the Loop and AM 1000, I appreciated reading about your experiences and the interviews of people who were almost like family to me. I am planning on getting your book and wish you luck on your continued success in writing and who knows about the future of radio. You, Wiser and Shemp, made things fun for all of the listeners out there. I really miss those days when it wasn't so calculated, and all of my favorites are gone, or in competition. I can listen live to Johnny B, a podcast of Dahl and occasionally catch Kevin on the web. I'm glad you keep us up to date with all of the people from days gone by. On a personal note, I actually remember calling in to the station when I was surprised to hear Greg Solk doing the Best Of Steve and Garry. He told me that your father had passed. I asked him to send my condolences, as I had done some intern work at the Loop in 1987. Reading your thank you to Mary Ann jogged my memory of that time. I know how that is as I lost my step-father a while back too. Being of German heritage myself, I felt some kind of quasi connection to you. You and I never worked together, as I was a brief flash in the pan in the times when Kevin was still doing nights, but I think you said hello to me once. I again think what you are doing here is great. I'm about to listen to Dahl via internet as I am now far from the signal in Rockford. Can't believe they carry Mancow out here (ugh!) and have lame stations with 3rd rate talent. Anyway, take care and I hope my book purchase helps out."
--R
Regarding Suburban Man: "Welcome to broadcasting, kid"
"I just read the blog piece about Sean. I didn't realize just how far things had gone before they pulled the rug out from under him. Thank God he took it so well. Meanwhile, my heart's breaking for him. Bastards."
--L
"GOOD JOB. It may have taken you a couple tries, but you finally got a son to share your obsession with! Your other two boys aren't Sox fans, are they? I was at a graduation party a couple years ago and was introduced to a very nice couple and their children, daughter Addison Clark and son Ryne Sheffield. I kid you not, and I thought the names were the coolest things ever. I mean, most of the time, people name their dogs after their sports obsessions. These people actually named their children after their favorite team! Their son wasn't even the first "Ryne" I had encountered. My son has a friend named Ryne, and his parents are very quick to correct the person who mistakenly pronounces it "Ryan." But think about it. If the Cubs were a "normal" team and had won a pennant or championship the past 100 years, would we be this obsessive? Obsessive enough to name children Wrigley Field or Addison Clark? Yeah, there are probably lots of Brett's in Wisconsin and Peyton's in Indianapolis and Tennessee, but those are actually normal names. I can't wait until someone names their kid after Samardzija. I just hope they spell it correctly."
--A
