Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.
Joke of the Week: 22 jokes for the kids. Contributed by "K"
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up on It
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take the Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil the Hell Out Of It
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares the Dog
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
The Location of The Dirt Bag
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle on Their Hat
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How are a Texas Tornado and a Tennessee Divorce the Same?
Somebody's Gonna’ Lose A Trailer
Stories you might have missed
1. GOP group depicts Obama with watermelon, ribs
(This is a funny story, not because the racism is funny, but because they are claiming with a straight face that it's not racist at all.)
2. How big is America's nuclear arsenal?
(This is a short video using BBs to represent nuclear warheads)
3. "I told my husband to get a happy ending."
(And she wasn't talking about a movie.)
4. Ringo Starr: No more fan mail
(Does this mean my autographed Ringo album is worth more?)
5. The Kennedy Tapes
(This is really fascinating audio of President Kennedy talking with a few of his good friends--off the record for a book project--in the months before he is elected.
Video of the week: Contributed by "B". He calls it "Rachel Ray Corn Porn"
Rachael Ray Corn Porn - Watch more free videos
Photo of the week: Contributed by "S". It's the new "Cubs flag"
READER RESPONSE
Regarding Political Jokes
"Rick, I'm not accusing you of being a lefty, but I was just wondering why you haven't picked out any Obama jokes for your Monday jokes?"
--S
Rick responds: I have gotten a few Obama jokes, but to tell you the truth, they all have two things in common. 1) They are racist. Not just kind of racist, but, 'what is this, 1865?' racist. 2) They aren't funny. So, if you've got a funny Obama joke that isn't about his race, I'll happily post it. If it's just another joke that makes me cringe, forget it.
Regarding Suburban Man: "Second Thoughts"
"There have long been T-shirts reading, "Baseball is life. The rest is just details." I think baseball was first with this often-copied refrain, and there is reason for it. Other sports are posers. Baseball is a metaphor for life, and it's why the game has such a strong hold on so many of us. You are teaching your kids well by helping them to love the game.
Baseball starts in the spring, our world's time of new growth, hope, and a full future. It is a grind, played day after day, like life itself. There are good days and bad. For six months every year, it is always there, a friend ready to engage us. It teaches loyalty. It rewards perseverence. It is unchanging, a link to our past, which has been lost in so many other ways.
Then, like life, it ends. For most of us, it ends in resignation that those dreams were never close to coming true. For some, it ends in heartbreak. Only a few reach the mountaintop, but even for them, it ends. The flowers fade. The leaves fall. Your friend, so omipresent for so long, has gone. The winter is cold, dark, and empty.
That's when only our belief that spring will come again carries us forward. That the world will bloom again, that the days will be warm, that there is promise in next season.
I believe that it's not whether you win or lose. It's that you played."
--R
