Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.
Joke of the Week: John McCain Jokes (The Obama jokes are further down)
John McCain was driving his "Straight Talk Express" bus home to Arizona when he got a frantic call on his cell phone from his wife Cindy. "Be careful, John," she warned him. "I just heard on the news that there's someone driving the wrong way on the highway." John replied, "There's not just one. There's hundreds of them!"
John Mccain is so old that he remembers when Joe Biden was bald.
John McCain asked two questions when he proposed to Cindy. First he got down on his knees and asked her, "Will you marry me?" After she agreed John then asked her, "And can you help me get back up?"
John McCain has been criticized by some Republican commentators for not being conservative enough. It didn't help when McCain drove the "Straight Talk Express" all the way across the country with its left blinker on.
Q. What did John McCain say when his plane was shot down over enemy lines?
A. Curse you, Red Baron!
Senator McCain was accused of inappropriate behavior with a female lobbyist 31 years younger than he is. That should get him Bill Clinton's vote.
Unlike other candidates in the Republican primaries, John McCain said he believes in the Theory of Evolution. In fact, he watched it happen with his own eyes.
John McCain recently fired a campaign aide after he asked for a Johnny Walker and the aide brought him a drink instead.
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Obama Jokes
Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.
Like any experienced Chicago politician, Obama would go the cemetery to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has a much right to vote as anyone else here!"
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn't be able to walk on water.
Stories you might have missed
1. Why isn't this election funny?
(Ask Carl Reiner, Danny Devito, Larry Gelbart, Garry Marshall, and Jerry Stiller. They reveal their thoughts at the link.)
2. Bill O'Reilly on the View
(I thought this was very entertaining.)
3. Conservatives voting for Obama
(And these are just some that are openly admitting it. How many aren't?)
4. Sarah Palin as President
(I spent way too much time on this site)
5. Protester tries to handcuff Karl Rove
(Question: What was Karl Rove doing in San Francisco anyway? Doesn't he despise people from there?)
Video of the week: If John Woo, Kevin Smith, and Wes Anderson made McCain's ads...
Photo of the week: When pumpkins drink...
READER RESPONSE
Sample Comments from the "Padded Room" at Just One Bad Century.com. Feel free to stop by and add your own.
Poster: Chuck Davis 10/14/2008 9:18:54 AM
Comment: I admit it--I`m still very ticked off at this year`s team. They just didn`t show up in the playoffs. I showed up twice. Shouldn`t they give me my $250 back? I`d prefer to have my last 40 summers back but I`ll settle for the $250.
Poster: William A 10/12/2008 9:37:09 AM
Comment: I have no more Tears or Blood left...How much can i endure. I am ordering the Shirt to remind me Why I never give up on my Family The Cubs..
Poster: Robert 10/10/2008 9:14:16 PM
Comment: I ordered the crying cub hat earlier this year and a fellow Cubs fan told me i was being negative. The day after the season ended he asked me where I got the hat. Thank you guys. Not all Cubs fans get it right away but they all get it eventually.
Poster: Roscoe 10/10/2008 6:30:41 AM
Comment: I have an idea. What if we as a collective fan base try a different psychology. Instead of rooting for the team and hoping we win it--we start embracing the idea that they can`t do it. Think of it like a double dog dare. I use the same technique with my kids: "I bet there is no way you`ll get a good grade on this spelling test. You can`t do it." Works every time.
Poster: Brian Aylesworth 10/9/2008 3:00:54 PM
Comment: I`m a Cubs fan from April22 1950 the day I was born. I`ll be a Cubs fan till the day I die. Win or lose I`m a Cubs fan! Broken hearted till next year.
Poster: John Hack 10/9/2008 7:46:02 AM
Comment: I saw the Daily Show clip you posted on your blog making fun of Cubs fans. I have a question for him and everyone else who makes fun of us? What are we supposed to do? Once you become a fan of a team it`s not like you can just decide to root for another team. They have been with us since childhood. It`s part of who we are. It`s not a decision of the brain it`s a decision of the heart.
Poster: Ted P. 10/8/2008 12:23:25 PM
Comment: I`m in shock. I`ve been a Cub`s fan since `69 and was sure this was the year. Angry? Maybe later. But like I said right now I`m still in shock.
Poster: joe mondo 10/8/2008 7:36:46 AM
Comment: I also went to the `45 series so I am not as "bent out of shape " as others who have never been to a Cubs WS. you have to expect the worst as 67 cub years have done to me!! maybe and I mean maybe next year!!!!!!!!
Poster: Billy 10/7/2008 9:38:50 PM
Comment: I`m just mad at myself for falling for it again. I`m normally such a realist but this year I bought it hook line and sinker.
Poster: Baton Rouge Cub Fan 10/7/2008 7:16:49 PM
Comment: This one is the worst for me because the expectations were so high....but that`s a good thing because we had a great season that turned out to be a a nightmare!
Poster: Ken Palast 10/7/2008 2:38:15 PM
Comment: Cubs fan since 1962. Broken hearted since 1969.
Poster: Randy Swanson 10/7/2008 1:55:14 PM
Comment: Did you read the article on page 2 of the Trib today? The writer is a Red Sox fan telling us we should be happy because winning is not all it is cracked up to be. He says people will start hating us. We already have that. We have White Sox fans. I will take my chances that winning will ruin it for us.
Poster: Dick Wagner 10/7/2008 11:32:40 AM
Comment: My first pro baseball game was in 1945 when I attended a world series game. I have been and will continue to be a Cub fan from that day and want to thank the organization for saveing me a lot of money not haveing to purchase a ticket to the "next" cub world series. Go Cubbies
Poster: Jimmy 10/7/2008 5:36:33 AM
Comment: You know what is really starting to make me mad? This whole concept that somehow the Cubs losing is the fault of the fans. Without the fans the Cubs are nothing. It is time for the Cubs players and management to man up and say it loud--it is not the fault of the fans.
Poster: Crying Cub Fan 10/6/2008 4:27:47 PM
Comment: Thanks for the opportunity to vent. The bottm line is they played badly. Whether it was because they were afraid to fail or nervous or just UNLUCKY Poor hitting and fielding led to the loss.
