This is my lovely wife, Bridget. Sunday was our 17th anniversary. Even though we dated for three years before we got married, there are quite a few things about her that I couldn't have known when we said "I do" to each other. In honor of those 17 years of on-the-job training, I thought would tell you 17 things I've learned about my bride since our wedding day.#1: There has never been a more talented baby-entertainer. She could make a fortune touring the country entertaining the 2-and-under crowd.
#2: She is incapable of saying this phrase: "That's good enough."
#3: She has an 80% chance of coming out of a clothing store without a purchase, and when she does buy something, there's an 80% chance she will return it.
#4: She can be very funny off-the-cuff, but is completely unable to tell a story or joke without messing up the punchline.
#5: She secretly wants to be a carpenter.
#6: She has two personalities: Regular Bridget and Party Bridget. Both of them can be a lot of fun, but you won't be able to keep up with one of them. Trust me on this.
#7: When she says the checkbook is balanced, she's not being approximate. If you haven't deposited a check she's given you, she will hunt you down.
#8: Even though she was a cheerleader in high school, she will never ever do one of her old routines again, and no amount of begging will change her mind.
#9: She is a genetically gifted dishwasher-loader. She could fit a mini-van into that thing by twisting and turning it the right way.
#10: Don't wake her up. Just don't do it.
#11: If you like to listen to one radio station, don't let her sit in the front seat of the car with you. If you like to watch more than 30 seconds of a television show, don't let her touch the remote control.
#12: When she gives you her opinion you can rest assured she's telling you what she really thinks. Don't ask if you don't want to know.
#13: She has an unusually high tolerance for physical pain, but a commercial can make her cry.
#14: If she has been somewhere once, she can find it again without directions.
#15: When she uses a certain tone of voice to tell kids what to do, they do it. Period. And not just her own kids. All kids. That tone of voice should be bottled and sold at the store.
#16: She is very imaginative with her verb usage when driving behind someone who doesn't drive well. I'm pretty sure some of her suggestions for fellow drivers aren't physically possible.
#17: She has somehow managed to reverse the aging process. She looks as beautiful today as she did the day I married her.
That was 17 wonderful years ago.
If I could go back in time to my wedding day and talk to that 28-year-old groom nervously sweating through his tuxedo, I know exactly what I would tell him: "Nothing to be nervous about, Rick. This is the best decision of your life."
If Bridget could go back in time to our wedding day and talk to that 24-year-old bride, I know exactly what she would tell her: "Make him get rid of the mullet. It's going to ruin the wedding album forever."
