But the trip was also an excuse for five old (and increasingly fat) guys to spend some time together in warmer weather. How did that go? Well...
*We stayed in a dump
I took these pictures below at the hotel. Doesn't that look inviting? Well, there's a reason I took the picture of the pool at night. It had stuff floating in it, which you can't see at night, and the water was murky. Oh, and it wasn't even open. Those palm trees are next door to the hotel, but I had to take a picture looking up so you didn't see the dumpsters. I didn't take a picture in front of the hotel because a streetcar/tram runs right by it 24 hours a day (and is LOUD), and it's located across the street from a Planned Parenthood clinic that attracts abortion protestors about ten hours a day. Would you like a giant dead fetus poster with your free continental breakfast? Dave's review on Travel Zoo: "If you're over 23 and have a job, don't stay in this dump."
*JOBC's Lawyer is actually a five year old
Scott is not only our former college roommate, he is Just One Bad Century's attorney (he's the one in the photo with Fergie Jenkins above). He's also a five-year-old. The rest of us were on constant alert for pranks. One morning at Jack-in-the-Box while Dave pretended to say a prayer for the incredibly unhealthy breakfast he was about to consume, Scott stole his coffee and orange juice and hid them under the table. When Dave noticed they were gone, he assumed he had been stiffed by the cashier and went up to complain. Hilarity ensued. Scott also poked us with long sticks on our hike in the desert (to make us think giant lizards had jumped on us), ordered Dave a wheelchair at the airport, and plotted to leave Dave at Cubs Park in Mesa as an experiment to see if he could make it back to the hotel.
Using his finely-honed passive aggressive skills, Dave fought back against star athletes by making them sign autographs with a Minnie Mouse pen. Fergie Jenkins was not pleased. Cubs prospect C.J. Edwards, on the other hand, thought it was cool. He even came back to find Dave later to use it to sign autographs for some of the kids that were on hand. (Photo left)
*Rick saved everyone from death in the desert
We thought it would be fun to take a little hike along a desert trail in a town called Black Canyon City. Dane and Scott took the lead, and they assumed it was a circular path that would lead us back to the parking lot. After a pretty lengthy walk (I figured it was about ten miles, but Dane says it was more like one or two), I suggested that we turn back just in case it wasn't circular. (Dave said he was only waiting for me to crack because he was sick of being the complainer.) Dane and Scott reluctantly agreed to appease the complainers. When we got back to the beginning of the path we discovered two things. #1--it was a circular path. #2--it was 79.1 miles long. You're welcome. (It was beautiful though, some photos are below)
*It's a small world after all
We spent the majority of our time at the Cubs camp, but we did spend one day at the White Sox complex. The Sox were playing the Seattle Mariners. I'm going to estimate there were 500 fans in the whole ballpark. It was a ghost town. While I was standing in line at the bratwurst stand, I thought I recognized the person in front of me. I tapped his shoulder and he turned around. Sure enough...it was my first cousin Robert, who also lives in Chicago. I haven't seen him in months. Of all the places in the world to run into him.
*Irony is dish best served cold
Sometimes when you emerge from an incredibly lengthy Midwestern winter, and you begin to wear t-shirts and shorts, you discover that you might have packed on a pound or two since you last donned your summer clothes. All five of us made this unwelcome discovery. Dave, in particular, was quite upset that he has become "a fat piece of sh**". However, he also may be the only person on record to report this news in the same sentence he made meal plans. "God, am I fat piece of...hey, who is up for prime rib?"
*A 30 year pizza mystery was solved
30 years ago when we were in college, the five of us were attending a party and suddenly pizzas started arriving from every pizza joint in Champaign-Urbana. There must have been fifteen pizzas (all with pepperoni and mushrooms), and we didn't order any of them. For years we've speculated about the identity of the trickster who sent those pizzas to the party. All of our (now ex) girlfriends (none of whom were invited) were suspects, as was any attendee who had mysteriously left the living room during the party. Two of the main suspects (Dave and Brent) were in Arizona with us. Finally...thirty years later...one of those suspects produced the receipt, proving his guilt. The pizza prankster was David Stern. I KNEW IT!
Overall, it was a fun trip that we hope to repeat again in the future.
Just wait until next year.
As a Cubs fan, that's a phrase that rolls off the tongue.
