Thursday, January 02, 2020

A Letter to David Stern

Those of you who read this blog regularly realize that my Minutia Men co-host is named David Stern. He used to constantly be asked "You mean the NBA Commissioner?" because the NBA Commissioner shared his name. Well, with the news of his passing yesterday (RIP former NBA Commissioner Stern), I thought it would be a good time to bring back this letter Minutia Men co-host David Stern sent him in 2006.

Needless to say, he never got a reply...

National Basketball Association
Attn: Commissioner David Stern
645 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10022

July 15, 2006

Dear Commissioner Stern:

I’m worried about you. Here it is, July, basketball’s off season—and you still show up to work every day.

Yes, of course, you have a full plate. Everyone wants a piece of David Stern. But shouldn’t David Stern be allowed to go to the Hamptons for the weekend without constantly checking his voicemail and e-mail? Shouldn’t David Stern be allowed stop and smell the roses without being bombarded with work?

What if I told you that I could make that happen?

You see, my name is also David Stern. If you hired me to sit in your office for the summer, you could have the entire summer off, and nobody would be deprived of spending some quality time with David Stern.

If someone called to speak to David Stern, they could still do so…without inconveniencing you.

If someone stopped by to have a meeting with David Stern, they could still do so…without inconveniencing you.

If someone booked David Stern to deliver a speech at the National Press Club…David Stern could still do so, without interrupting your trip to Cape Cod.

Think about the possibilities. How much would your wife love it if David Stern actually picked out her gift? How honored would NBA players be if David Stern showed up at their weddings? I don’t like to brag, but have you considered how nice it would be to have everyone talking about what an incredible dancer David Stern was at Dwayne Wade’s wedding?

While I don’t look like you, I am also a relatively short Jewish guy. Nobody would be the wiser. Please give it some thought.


David Stern