Today is my youngest son Sean's 20th birthday. All this week I'll be dipping into the Father Knows Nothing archives to highlight some of my favorite Sean moments. Needless to say, he is not in favor of this tribute. This column below was priceless. I can't remember why it didn't make the final cut of my book, but I think you'll enjoy it. It's from 2007.
I was driving my son Sean
to pre-school, when he casually dropped this little nugget.
“Dad,”
he asked, “What do you call it when one person loves someone, but the other
person doesn’t love them back?”
I
looked in the rear view mirror to see the expression on his face. He really
looked concerned.
“There
is
“No,”
he said. “But someone loves me.”
I was
intrigued. I knew the conversation would have ended right then and there if I
didn’t proceed with caution. If I joked with him at all, I wouldn’t get another
morsel. I gingerly continued my line of questioning.
“Who
loves you?” I asked.
“Jennifer,”
he said.
“How
do you know she loves you?”
He
sighed, and looked out the window. “She always follows me around,” he said.
“But
you do that to your brothers,” I pointed out.
“She
always wants to do stuff for me,” he said. His tone of voice was saying “Geez,
Dad, you just don’t understand women, do you?”
“But
you like to do stuff for your brothers,” I said. “Maybe she just loves you like
a brother.”
“Trust
me, Dad. This is different. She doesn’t love me. She loves
me.”
I wish
I could have taken a picture of that expression on his face. He was a
(5-year-old) man with girl troubles, and he didn’t know what to do.
“You
mean like a girlfriend loves you?”
“Uh
huh.”
We
drove in silence for a few moments, and I struggled not to laugh or smile.
“Why
does she love you so much?” I asked.
“Because
I’m cute,” he said.
I
couldn’t be the serious confidante for one second longer. The real me popped
right out.
“Did you ever think about
asking her to marry you?” I asked.
“DAAAAAD!
I’m way too young.”
“What’s
old enough to get married?”
“You
have to be old. Like you and mom.”
I
shook off that little shot to the gut, and queried on. “But why don’t you love
her back?”
He
didn’t say anything for a few moments while he pondered that question. He
sighed once more. “I need my space,” he
said.
When
we arrived at preschool about two minutes later, Jennifer was the first person
we saw. Her whole face lit up when she spotted Sean. She started waving
frantically.
“Hi
Sean!” she screamed.
He
looked at me and rolled his eyes.
