I'm working on a special project this year about a certain radio station, so I've been going back into my files and pulling out some old interviews with former Loop colleagues and pals. I'll feature one a week here on the blog. This week, it's Jim Shorts. Of course, Shorts is a character done by Kevin Matthews. On the other hand, he surely seemed real to all of us, including Kevin. In 1992, Loop Scoop Magazine asked me to appear on the Kevin Matthews Show (then on AM 1000) and interview Jim. It was one of the strangest experiences of my life. Kevin insisted that I interview Jim in German, which I did. Jim answered me in English. The following is a translation of that incredibly weird interview, as it appeared in the magazine.
"JIM SHORTS"
By Rick Kaempfer
Jim Shorts is one of a kind: brash, violent, lady killer. But what is he really like? LOOP SCOOP decided the only way to find out was to subject him to the type of tough, uncompromising interview he himself has made famous. We sent out our reporter, Rick Kaempfer, to find out if the "real" Jim Shorts differs from his bigger-than-life persona heard every day on the Kevin Matthews Show.
RK: We've gotten to know your parents over the years. They seem to be loving and giving. Tell us something they did to you, that has screwed you up for life.
JS: They let my brother Glenn throw gasoline on me, and Glenn held up a match to me, but it didn't burst. And they made me go on a weekend trip with my Uncle.
RK: Which Uncle?
JS: I can't say. He's still in prison.
RK: Jim, just out of curiosity, I've noticed your father keeps calling you Richard. Is that your real name?
JS: I can't say. No comment.
RK: Fine. Everybody in radio seems to have a story about a boss somewhere that made them change their name. Are there any bad radio names you rejected?
JS: Yeah, Jack Silver and Shemp.
RK: What about your Wang. A recent poll of our listeners showed that only 10% actually believe you two are "just good friends". When are you going to get off your high horse, admit it, and marry the girl?
JS: It is very hard to bridle a stallion.
RK: Well, if Wang isn't the one, what kind of girl are you looking for?
JS: Hair. She has to have hair.
RK: Speaking of hair...Jim, you are as bald as a cueball, but yet you are self-assured, almost cocky. I'm sure your bald fans would love to know the secret.
JS: I call Tom Thayer. He's like my support group.
RK: Jim, why don't you sing anymore?
JS: I do. I'm actually putting a band together. It will be called Jim Shorts and the Melody Makers. And if you're a senior citizen in a rest home, write us and we'll come out and play for you.
RK: Play now.
JS: I'm not a monkey.
RK: Yes, but your child is. Every proud papa has a cute story about their little ones. Tell us about Luger.
JS: I almost cried the first time we clapped our hands together and he did a little backflip.
RK: Having a kid makes us all get a little philosophical. Let me ask you this, and I'll let you go. If a genie suddenly appeared on your doorstep and granted you a wish, anything at all, what would you wish for?
JS: Anything?
RK: Anything.
JS: Anything in the entire world?
RK: Yup..
JS: A new hip for Red Kerr.
Next week: Jimmy Mac
