The birth of all three of my children was reported live on the John Landecker show on WJMK because I was the executive producer of the show. It's a memory I cherish so much, I transcribed the phone calls I made into the show to announce each birth, and those transcripts serve as the introduction to my book Father Knows Nothing.
This week's free excerpt is my call into the show on March 12, 1998, the day my second son Johnny was born.
The cast of characters included John Landecker, sidekick Catherine Johns, and newsman Richard Cantu. The following is a transcript of that important phone call.
John: Oldies 104.3, John Records Landecker, it’s 8:27, and joining us on the phone from the maternity ward is the producer of the program, Rick the German Boy Kaempfer. Good morning, Rick.
Rick: Good morning.
John: Rick, tell us what’s going on.
Rick: Well as long as we’re plugging our kids (John had just plugged his daughter’s play), I’ve got a new one to plug.
John: Aaaawwwwright!
Rick: Last night around eleven thirty Bridget’s water broke and we didn’t even have time to make it to the hospital downtown, so we went to the one out here.
Catherine: Oh, is that right?
Rick: And we have a new baby boy!
(Cheering and clapping in the studio)
Richard: Whoo Hooo! Congratulations. Two knucklehead boys!
Rick: And it’s a big one too.
Catherine: How big?
Rick: 8 pounds, 6 ounces.
Catherine: That is pretty big. How’s Bridget doing?
Rick: She’s doing real well. I’m at home now. I came home to check on Tommy...
John: Wait a doggone minute! You went home to check on your other child before you called the show? Where are your priorities?
Rick: Sorry, forgive me. I’m hopelessly out of whack.
John: OK, 8 pounds. How long was it?
Rick: 21 inches...if you know what I’m saying.
Catherine: We know what you’re saying.
John: No, how long was the baby?
Rick: Oh, the baby?
Richard: Once more into the gutter.
John: So what time was this kid born?
Rick: Two o’clock in the morning. They kicked me out of the hospital at 4:00, because Bridget has to share a room, and I came home and got a little sleep, and Tommy just woke me up, so I’m calling you right away.
John: So you’ve called all your family I hope.
Rick: Bridget called them.
John: But she had the baby.
Rick: Yeah, she had the baby in about two hours. It wasn’t that bad, although that’s easy for me to say. She was fine, what a trooper.
Catherine: And she wanted to chat, right?
Rick: Exactly.
Catherine: Now I want to know something. Does this child have a name?
Rick: Oh yes he does. His name is John Richard Kaempfer.
John: Wow.
Richard: You honor us, Sir.
John: Was he named after anyone?
Rick: Well, my favorite Beatle is John.
John: John Lennon.
Rick: And of course, my favorite DJ....
John: Really?
Rick: Yup. John Brandmeier.
(Everyone laughs)
John: OK, you got me.
(Call waiting clicks)
Rick: And actually John is also a name in Bridget’s family. Her grandfather was named John. And so is her brother.
(Call waiting clicks again)
John: I see you got baby waiting there.
Rick: Yeah, I think I may be popular today.
John: Well, we’ll let you go. Congratulations on the big news! So you’ll be back to work tomorrow, right?
Rick: Uh...well...
Catherine: John!
John: Just kidding, just kidding.
Rick: See you later.
John: There he goes. Proud papa.
(Click)
John: Oh wait! Darnit! I forgot to ask him if he taped it.
Richard: Are you kidding? Of course he did.
John: Because if there was ever a disc jockey who knows how to exploit a child, it’s....
2 year old Tommy Kaempfer singing the jingle: John Records Landecker, Oldies 104.3.
John: Oldies 104.3, John Records Landecker, it’s 8:27, and joining us on the phone from the maternity ward is the producer of the program, Rick the German Boy Kaempfer. Good morning, Rick.
Rick: Good morning.
John: Rick, tell us what’s going on.
Rick: Well as long as we’re plugging our kids (John had just plugged his daughter’s play), I’ve got a new one to plug.
John: Aaaawwwwright!
Rick: Last night around eleven thirty Bridget’s water broke and we didn’t even have time to make it to the hospital downtown, so we went to the one out here.
Catherine: Oh, is that right?
Rick: And we have a new baby boy!
(Cheering and clapping in the studio)
Richard: Whoo Hooo! Congratulations. Two knucklehead boys!
Rick: And it’s a big one too.
Catherine: How big?
Rick: 8 pounds, 6 ounces.
Catherine: That is pretty big. How’s Bridget doing?
Rick: She’s doing real well. I’m at home now. I came home to check on Tommy...
John: Wait a doggone minute! You went home to check on your other child before you called the show? Where are your priorities?
Rick: Sorry, forgive me. I’m hopelessly out of whack.
John: OK, 8 pounds. How long was it?
Rick: 21 inches...if you know what I’m saying.
Catherine: We know what you’re saying.
John: No, how long was the baby?
Rick: Oh, the baby?
Richard: Once more into the gutter.
John: So what time was this kid born?
Rick: Two o’clock in the morning. They kicked me out of the hospital at 4:00, because Bridget has to share a room, and I came home and got a little sleep, and Tommy just woke me up, so I’m calling you right away.
John: So you’ve called all your family I hope.
Rick: Bridget called them.
John: But she had the baby.
Rick: Yeah, she had the baby in about two hours. It wasn’t that bad, although that’s easy for me to say. She was fine, what a trooper.
Catherine: And she wanted to chat, right?
Rick: Exactly.
Catherine: Now I want to know something. Does this child have a name?
Rick: Oh yes he does. His name is John Richard Kaempfer.
John: Wow.
Richard: You honor us, Sir.
John: Was he named after anyone?
Rick: Well, my favorite Beatle is John.
John: John Lennon.
Rick: And of course, my favorite DJ....
John: Really?
Rick: Yup. John Brandmeier.
(Everyone laughs)
John: OK, you got me.
(Call waiting clicks)
Rick: And actually John is also a name in Bridget’s family. Her grandfather was named John. And so is her brother.
(Call waiting clicks again)
John: I see you got baby waiting there.
Rick: Yeah, I think I may be popular today.
John: Well, we’ll let you go. Congratulations on the big news! So you’ll be back to work tomorrow, right?
Rick: Uh...well...
Catherine: John!
John: Just kidding, just kidding.
Rick: See you later.
John: There he goes. Proud papa.
(Click)
John: Oh wait! Darnit! I forgot to ask him if he taped it.
Richard: Are you kidding? Of course he did.
John: Because if there was ever a disc jockey who knows how to exploit a child, it’s....
2 year old Tommy Kaempfer singing the jingle: John Records Landecker, Oldies 104.3.
