Father Knows Nothing

I just posted my latest Father Knows Nothing column at NWI Parent. This week's column contains the secret to happiness. It's called "Saving another life through shtick."

You can read it here.

Tiny Tim & Miss Vicky

It's almost impossible to explain this moment to people that weren't alive in 1969 (and honestly, to a few like me that were), but on this day in 1969 Tiny Tim married Miss Vicky and between 40 and 50 million tuned in to watch. Here's a portion of that show...

A Cubs programming note

The MLB network likes to taunt me. They e-mail me press releases about upcoming programs related to the Cubs (because of Just One Bad Century), so I can pass it along to Cub nation. This week there's another program that I'd like to watch, but can't (because my cable provider doesn't offer MLB network)...

"Steve Bartman obstructing with Chicago Cubs outfielder Moises Alou’s attempt to catch a foul ball during Game Six of the 2003 NLCS will be featured in a new episode of MLB Network Countdown: Fan Moments on Saturday, December 18 at 9:00 p.m. ET. The Bartman incident will be ranked alongside other famous fan moments, including:
- ‘Disco Demolition Night,’ when fans brought their disco records to be blown up at Chicago’s Comiskey Park during a doubleheader in 1979,
- and Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Rick Monday grabbing the American flag away from would-be flag-burners"

Bartman, Steve Dahl, and Rick Monday, all in one show. Now that would be worth watching. By the way, MLB network, you know that Rick Monday wasn't on the Dodgers when he saved that flag, don't you?

Kid-K returns

A few years ago, after the flame outs of both Mark Prior and Sammy Sosa, I made a deal with myself. I decided that I would never again wear a Cubs jersey unless it was the jersey number of a player from my youth. I kept a couple of Ernie Banks jerseys (my favorite), and I gave the Prior and Sosa jerseys to Goodwill.

But for some reason, I couldn't quite part with the Kerry Wood jersey. I was there for his 20 strikeout game. It was an important day in my life even beyond baseball (I founded my advertising agency on that day), and I felt a sort of kinship for the kid. Plus, even when  he left town, I always suspected he would return to finish his career in Chicago.

I was right.

My Sox fan friend Dave called yesterday to mock this move, but beyond even the sentimental reasons, I think it's a good move for the Cubs. So mock away. I'm fine with it.

A million thanks

Yesterday this blog passed the 1,000,000 hits mark, and I didn't want to let this moment go by without thanking everyone that even occasionally checks out the blog.


Even though I don't allow comments, I do read each and every e-mail that comes in (and occasionally post them), and I appreciate all of your support. And to answer a question posed yesterday via e-mail--No, I have no plans to add advertising. I really don't like the way Google puts ads on these blogs (it's not very pleasing to the eye, and you have no control over who advertises--I don't want to inadvertently endorse someone like Ann Coulter).

If you really want to advertise, I do accept advertising at Just One Bad Century (which also gets quite a few hits), and I'm sure the good folks at NWI Parent (which also gets quite a few hits) would love to take your advertising dollars, but this site is just my personal site, and I want to keep it that way.

Thanks again, everyone!

Joke for a Thursday morning

Contributed by "MS"...



An old time golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room.

As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

Cold Beer: $2.00

Hamburger: $2.25

Cheeseburger: $2.50

Chicken Sandwich : $3.50

Hand Job: $50.00


Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar an whispers, "I was wondering, young lady, are you the one who gives the hand job?

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir, I sure am."

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well, wash your hands real f-ing good because I want a cheeseburger."

Jimmy Fallon does John Boehner

Pretty good. I must admit. Do I need to change my mind about Jimmy Fallon?

5th Anniversary of Blogging

Today is my 5th anniversary as a blogger.

How did I decide to become a blogger? It literally happened over dinner one night.

Five years ago today my family was visiting my sister in law Nancy and her husband Randall. (I was much younger then. This photo of me was taken that night).

I had been out of radio for about a year, and had just written my first draft of $everance, and another never published book "The Bald Handbook" (It's still available, publishers!). I was also writing for Lake Magazine and Shore Magazine, but I was still coming up with a ridiculous amount of additional material and didn't know what to do with it all. After producing a daily radio show for twenty years, I had gotten into the habit of coming up with a ton of content, and couldn't stop.

My brother in law Randall said to me: "You know, you really should do a blog."

"How do I do that?" I asked.

He pulled out his computer, went on blogger, had me pick a template, and before the dessert was served, I was a blogger.

Just like that.

I've since gone on to start up several other blogs and websites, and write other books and magazine articles, but I've never stopped doing this one. My daily blog has become a sort of therapy for me. It forces me to keep in touch with what's going on in the world (and specifically my areas of interest/expertise), and allows me to pontificate about the news occasionally. I like to do it first thing in the morning over my first few cups of coffee. I usually finish up my daily posts as the boys are leaving for school. The door slam is like an alarm clock telling me to stop the therapy, and return to my real writing jobs.

But I realized something this morning. Even though I have done nearly 5000 posts in the five years this blog has existed, I hadn't changed the design at all since Randall set it up for me. After five years, I figured it was about time. What do you think of the new design? Hopefully it doesn't shock you too much. It should be a lot easier to navigate than the old one.

Also, let me take this opportunity to thank everyone that has read it this year. I discovered recently that I'm approaching a milestone. Two thousand more hits (which should come before this weekend), and I'll officially have an even one million hits.

Not bad for a guy just sitting in his basement.

Fergie gets a stamp

Sure, it's a Canadian stamp, but Fergie is after all, a Canadian.
(Click on the link above to see the stamp)

He's wearing a Cubs hat. Pretty cool.

He's baaaaack

It's probably his last chance.

The Yankees signed Mark Prior to a minor league contract.

Larry Rothschild is the Yankees pitching coach now. He's probably preparing towel drills for Prior as you read this.

Jackson 5

On this day in 1969, the Jackson 5 made their first Ed Sullivan Show appearance...



As a tribute to the anniversary, I'm wearing the same outfit Michael wore in this video.

The Phillies Rotation

Their starting rotation now consists of Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, Cole Hamels, and since yesterday, Cliff Lee.

That's one of the best rotations of my lifetime (barring injury). Every single one of them is better than any pitcher on the Cubs or the White Sox.

Fergie is 68

Today is Ferguson Jenkins' 68th birthday. I just looked up his stats for '68. He was a 20 game winner for the second year in a row.

Happy birthday good ol' #31

Hollywood Squares

Truly loved this show when it first aired with Peter Marshall as  host. Here are a few reasons why...

The cup is half full

How can you look at the cup as half full after that Bears game yesterday?

The Bears won the second half 7-3.

That's the best I can do.

Father Knows Nothing

I just posted my latest Father Knows Nothing column. It's called "An Unexpected Question," and it's about a question I hadn't heard in many years.

You can read it here.

Bye Bye Ron

We miss you already.

The 1960 World Series

This is pretty fascinating news from the MLB network this morning...

Once thought to be lost forever, the complete original television broadcast of the 1960 World Series Game 7 – regarded by many as the greatest baseball game ever played - will be telecast on MLB Network on December 15 at 8:00 p.m. ET, the first time it will be seen on television since it was originally played more than 50 years ago. The black-and-white kinescope of the game film was discovered earlier this year at the home of the late Bing Crosby, who was a part owner of the Pirates at the time.

I wish my cable provider offered the MLB network. I'd love to see that game.

2010's first Christmas Joke

Contributed by "MS"...



Three good ole boys died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The cowboy from Texas fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The logger from Minnesota reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The old Kentucky farmer started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The old Kentucky farmer replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Reviews for $everance

I put the wraps on the third draft of novel #2 today (It will be called "The Living Wills"), so I did a quick check to see if anything else had been written about novel #1 lately ("$everance").

I was blown away by these reviews on "Good Reads," and not just because they are so positive, but because I don't even know these people. I want to thank every one of them...

Here are a few...

Robert rated it 5 stars, and said...
"The rare political novel that can walk the thin line between conservative and liberal partisans, enlighten both, and dissatisfy neither. Set against a backdrop of corporate downsizing and media-industry conglomeration, Kaempfer shines a bright light on the hidden snares and pitfalls of an unregulated fourth estate."


Afoue rated it 5 stars, and said...
"An excellent book about a man who wants nothing more than to be fired. Severance gives an inside look at the inner workings of the media, something I'd never considered before. It somehow manages to maintain bipartisanship without offending one side (conservatives vs. liberals) more than the other. Deepak has to be my favorite character; he's hilarious. A very entertaining read, I recommend this to everyone."

Sarah Gorr rated it 4 stars, and said...
"As a public over-saturated with exposure to the media and information being beamed to us from all directions, Rick Kaempfer’s latest book, $everence, provides a hilariously entertaining inside look at the world of politics, persona and media consolidation. Kaempfer doesn’t just ask the question, “What happens when it all goes too far?” but suggests the outcome and it is not pretty. One of $everance’s greatest advantages in delivering its message is its use of humor and avoidance of dry political and corporate jargon. While an inside term or two might pop-up, Kaempfer’s book doesn’t seem to be preaching to the choir; it’s an open invitation for even those with little or no knowledge of the media’s inner workings or its political wheelings and dealings to join the conversation. Whether you’re news junkie, undecided, uninformed or just plain apathetic, $everence is a clever and enjoyable read for anyone exposed to the media; and that’s everyone."

Tisbutehname rated it 4 stars, and said...
"Severance: an indictment of spurious journalism? Check! Severance: a Laodicean account of the annoying nature of political zealots? Check! Severance: a hilarious satire about the trials and tribulations that accompany…trying to get fired? Check!  By staying objective, Severance does not crumble under the weight of its observations on the degradation of journalism into a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ profession. It does not, like so many of its characters, become hypocritical or biased; on the other hand, it remains satisfyingly ambivalent, and genuine all the way to its final sentence. As good satire can, Severance will make you laugh, but just as quickly it can scare the pants off of you. Though some of the characters are absurd, the novel is not. Severance is an accurate appraisal of the ongoing mutations happening to a very crucial industry, and a highly recommended read." 

Brittany rated it 5 stars, and said...
"Richard Kaempfer’s $everance is a hilarious book that will make readers laugh, nod their heads in agreement and, especially in today’s climate, watch the news with even more skepticism. All Tom Zagorski wants is for his boss, Sherman Rose, to fire him so he can collect his severance check. He creates as much mayhem as he possibly can with the surprising result of landing him a job as COO for Sierra Megamedia Corporation, the company who owns his small Chicago radio station. With a brilliant mix of satire and truth, Kaempfer explores the world of media that most of us can only hypothesize about. Having worked in the business at a Chicago radio station, his account comes across as though he’s saying, “I couldn’t make this up if I tried.”

KC gave it 4 stars, and said...
"Richard Kaempfer's $everance is a deliciously fun read. Memorable characters with hilarious quirks lead you on a bizarre ride from small-scale media corruption to all-out corporate conglomeration. Rich characters infuse each chapter with absurdly entertaining vignettes. The novel's roller-coaster ride of shenanigans seems beyond fictional except for protagonist Tom Zagorski's unwavering moral compass. It points northeast. More importantly, it adds credibility to his continuously thwarted goal of getting fired and securing his severance check.  Kaempfer has crafted a satire that is interesting without being overbearing. His personal experience in radio strengthens the novel and the author's note reinforces the darker themes rendered ludicrous in fiction. This is a great jab at the painfully one-sided soapboxes masquerading as news providers as well as the often overlooked monopoly of mainstream media. Recommended for the socially conscious and/or anyone with a sense of humor."

Jeepers, everyone. Thanks so much.

It's still available, by the way. It's only $15 at ENC Press (retail is $19), and only $5 for the e-book.