In her book “On Death & Dying,” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five stages of grieving; Denial & Isolation, Anger & Rage, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The bald or balding male goes through the same stages while grieving for his hair loss, but no-one recognizes or acknowledges that pain. Until now.
In our upcoming book, “The Bald Handbook,” co-author Dave Stern (bald) and I (balding) leave no bald stone unturned as we look at each stage closely and help the balding male cope with his painful reality. Until the book comes out, this blog will present nuggets and pearls of wisdom from the book in short weekly segments, we call…”The Bald Minute.” (This feature is available for radio syndication. Click on the e-mail link on the right to inquire.)
"BALD BARGAINING"R: Welcome to another episode of “The Bald Minute.” Today’s Bald Minute subject?
D: Bald Bargaining
R: Eventually, a bald man suffering through the third stage of grieving for his hair loss--
D: Bargaining--
R: …will find himself saying the following phrase.
D: Dear God, if you only give me my hair back, I promise that I’ll--
R: But how can you be sure that you’re asking God for your hair back in the correct religion?
D: Luckily, there are some tell tale signs that you might have chosen the wrong religion for your sales pitch.
R: For instance, many of our bald brothers convert to different religions during Stage One Denial--
D: Mesmerized by the conveniently shaped headgear.
R: If you’ve heard the following phrase--Patrick Finnegan, please pass the matza so we can get this seder rolling
D: You may have been blinded by the yarmulke.
R: If you’ve heard the following phrase--Cooter, put down that squirrel gun. It’s time to bow to Mecca.
D: You may have been blinded by the turban. Remember, bargaining bald man, God isn’t going to listen to anyone who chose a religion based on the coverage of the headgear.
R: For more information about bald bargaining or balding, check out our upcoming book, “The Bald Handbook.” Reporting for the Bald Minute, I’m Rick Kaempfer.
D: And I’m Dave Stern.
Remember: All comments are welcome and encouraged (and all of them are read by me). Simply click on "comments" below this post or the "e-mail me" link on the right. I periodically post the best/funniest comments in a seperate post. Unlike other blogs they won't appear in the comments section--because I find that more people read the comments when they are part of a post.
