In her book “On Death & Dying,” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five stages of grieving; Denial & Isolation, Anger & Rage, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The bald or balding male goes through the same stages while grieving for his hair loss, but no-one recognizes or acknowledges that pain. Until now.
In our upcoming book, “The Bald Handbook,” co-author Dave Stern (bald) and I (bald spot)leave no bald stone unturned as we look at each stage closely and help the balding male cope with his painful reality. Until the book comes out, this blog will present nuggets and pearls of wisdom from the book in short weekly segments, we call…”The Bald Minute.” (This feature is available for radio syndication. Click on the e-mail link on the right to inquire.)
"BALD DEPRESSION" By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern
R: Welcome to another episode of “The Bald Minute.” Today’s Bald Minute subject?
D: Bald Depression
R: Eventually, a bald man suffering through the fourth stage of grieving for his hair loss….
D: …Depression …
R: …will realize his hair is never coming back and will sink into a deep depression.
D: Luckily gifted inspirational bald poets like William Shakespeare, Rudyard Kipling, E.E. Cummings, Ogden Nash, Shel Silverstein and others also suffered bald depression.
R: Unfortunately none of them ever wrote about it.
D: On the other hand, we have tracked down some of their descendants who have written truly inspiring poems in the style of their famous ancestors.
R: For example, Chuck Shakespeare.
D: Chuck has written a Shakespearean sonnet about hair loss that can help the Stage Four bald man out of his temporary depression.
R: And now, without further ado, “The Loss” by Shakespeare.
D: Thou were there to greet me in the morn as I lay,
Lamenting thine misshapen curls,
Twas a “Bed Head,” I heard my valet say,
Another of his colloquial pearls,
Then one day thine “bed head” stayed on the bed,
Even as the rest of me arose,
I shuttered in horror and wished I was dead,
An easy target for razor tongued foes,
With a quill in my hand and no hair on my head,
I penned plays that will never be topped,
Five centuries later I’m still widely read,
The floor with my foes I have mopped,
I suffered no loss on that bed-headless day,
I hope my bald brothers I have shown you the way.
R: For more inspirational poems from descendants of famous bald poets, read our upcoming book “The Bald Handbook”. Reporting for the Bald Minute, I’m Rick Kaempfer.
D: And I’m Dave Stern.
BALD BONUS! BALDS IN THE NEWS!
1. The Super Bowl
On the surface, the Seattle vs. Pittsburgh match up doesn't sound exciting, but we have a team we're rooting for. Matt Hasselbeck (shown here with his coach) is our favorite quarterback since Terry Bradshaw.2. Scuffle in the stands
Last week, New York Knicks player Antonio Davis climbed into the stands to save his wife from a confrontation with a fan (Michael Axelrod). The case has devolved into a he said/she said. We don't want to tell you who to believe, but let's look at the evidence. This is Michael Axelrod...
Look at that 22 year old's hairline. NOT GUILTY.
3. Leif Garrett
Former Teen Idol Leif Garrett was arrested last week and charged with heroin possession. We all remember the long flowing locks of Leif, the teen idol. This is what he looks like now...
Guilty? Maybe. But good people.
If you want to check out previous episodes of "The Bald Minute", they can all be found at http://thebaldhandbook.blogspot.com
