Three jokes to start your week with a smile...1. The first shot has been fired and the season is three months away...
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Sox fans too. Not really knowing what a Sox fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. One girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Sox fan."
Then, asks the teacher, what are you?
"Why I'm proud to be a Chicago Cubs fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she is a Cubs fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Cubs fans, and I'm a Cubs fan too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a Sox fan."
--Submitted by "D"
2. Remember, my kids have quite a bit of Irish in them. I'm allowed to post this...
O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
--Submitted by "T"
3. I had to change this slightly to clean it up...
He walks over to the produce section and says to the clerk, "Boy, I want half a head of lettuce."
"Did you say HALF a head of lettuce?" asks the clerk.
"You heard me right", says the Texan.
Bewildered, the young clerk walks to the back of the store to find his manager, but he doesn't know that the Texan is following right behind him.
The clerk enters his manager's office and exclaims, "Hey boss, some friggin moron wants HALF a head of lettuce!"
Just then, he turns around and sees the Texan standing right there.
The clerk says, "Oh ... and this fine gentleman would like the other half."
