By Rick Kaempfer
The idea was to get the boys out of the house this summer to experience some of the great attractions in the Chicago area. I insisted that we would take at least one “field trip” a week.
It sounded good on paper, but the dream is over after three weeks.
Why? Let me count the ways.
1. The John G. Shedd Aquarium
Our first destination was one of the finest aquariums in the world, the John G. Shedd Aquarium. This field trip started out well—it was a free day, and we got there before the lines got out of hand. Unfortunately, we also discovered that “free day” only referred to the main portion of the aquarium. You know what you can see in the main section?A few catfish and a big tank of tropical fish.
What can’t you see? The Oceanarium, the Wild Reef or the Komodo Dragon exhibit. I started counting up the cost in my head for four people (it’s $23 a piece for an all-access pass), looked into their sad, pleading eyes and said...
“Take another look at the catfish and the tropical tank. We’re going home.”
2. Wrigley Field
How popular is Wrigley Field? It’s considered one of the ultimate tourist destinations in Chicago—with more than 3 million people paying top dollar to go there every year. I’m one of them. I have season tickets.I only have two seats, so I usually take one boy at a time. It’s usually a wonderful father-son bonding experience, because we talk baseball. This year, I thought it would be fun to take all of them at once, so I got four tickets.
When we got there they each ordered some food (popcorn & pretzels), and we got a program. Unfortunately, because we got there late, we missed the first inning of the game. This threw off Tommy because he likes to keep score. Johnny usually likes to chat with me, but with Tommy sitting right next to him doing nothing, he decided it would be more fun to start a fight with his brother.
I spent the second inning breaking up fights. By the third inning the food was gone. By the fourth inning they were ready to go.
By the fifth inning I couldn’t take the whining any more. They complained all the way back to the car too. The walk was a little long for them.
3. The Art Institute
This just happens to be one of my favorite places to visit. The collection of artwork at the Art Institute is world class. Since Tommy (10) is an aspiring artist, I thought he would love the wide variety of paintings. Since Johnny (8) and Sean (3) are aspiring gladiators, I thought they would love the suits of armor.As soon as we got there, I went right for the oldest paintings to show them that art can last forever. What I hadn’t considered was the subject matter. Those 15th and 16th century paintings are unbelievably barbaric. The two most popular themes? Death and War...in God’s name.
“I’m scared,” Johnny said, looking at wall-sized swords stabbing into flesh.
“This stuff is old,” Tommy said. “Don’t they have any new stuff?”
After looking at the Monet collection, and getting into the 20th century, they were bored. So, I took them to see the suits of armor...my ace in the hole.
We walked through the entire exhibit without the slightest flicker of interest. That was when I made the mistake of telling Johnny that they were real suits of armor. Apparently, he has seen one too many episodes of Scooby Doo, because he thought the suits of armor were going to break out of their glass cases to get us.
“I’m scared,” he said.
“I’m bored,” Tommy said.
That was it. End of trip. When I sarcastically mentioned to them on the way home that next week’s field trip would be to the neighborhood pool, they all cheered.
Culture is overrated.
The field trip summer has been canceled.
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