Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Suburban Man: The Grouch who hated Halloween


By Rick Kaempfer






Every Boo down in Boo-ville, liked Halloween a lot…
Except the undecorated Grouch, He most certainly did not!
The Grouch hated Halloween! Hated the whole season,
And if you asked him why, he had two dozen reasons,

All the Boo-girls & Boo-boys, that he knew all too well,
Would dress in their costumes, and ring his doorbell,
And demand some free candy, and say trick or treat,
Their hearts still racing, from the house up the street,

The house with the gravestones and ghouls everywhere,
With hanging corpses, and witches, and goblins that scare,
With orange lights in the bushes, orange lights on the wall,
A severed head on the doorstep, with a dangling eyeball,
With mechanical bats and mechanical ghosts,
Controlled by remote, by the maniacal host,
Who hands out so much candy, he rots every tooth,
Giving gumballs, and gummys, and full-size Baby Ruths,

Then the Boo-boys and Boo-girls come visit the Grouch,
Naked house so boring, bowl of skittles on the couch,
“And it’s fun-size,” mutters Joe Boo, “Talk about cheap,”
So the Grouch says “You’re Welcome,” and feels like a creep,

"When did this happen?" says the Grouch when they leave,
"There must be a memo, that I didn't receive,
Was an edict issued, to Boo-friends and to Boo-foes,
Every house must perform, a Halloween Broadway show?"

Well, unlike the neighbors with displays oh-so-grand,
The Grouch didn’t have hours of time on his hands,
So he lets the kids grumble, lets them think he is mean,
And starts dreading the hours til the next Halloween.








By the way, I'm not a total Halloween grouch. This is taken from the brochure for the City of Chicago's Halloween event. It's hard to see their faces, but the kids in this picture (three boys) are near and dear to my heart.



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