They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.
CHRISTMAS LETTER GREATEST HITS (Part 2)
By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern
Tis the season for Christmas form letters from long-lost friends and family members. We've been big fans of these since childhood, and we've actually acquired quite a collection over the past decade or two. (Send us yours by clicking on the "E-mail me" link on the right.)
Most letters are a little boring and maybe a little too inside for mass consumption, but others are Christmas letters for the ages. We're going to feature a few of those between now and Christmas this year.
This is one is on loan from the British National Archive. It's yellow and brittle, but it's message of Christmas cheer is timeless.
Christmas 1536
Dearest Friends & Relatives,
It is my fondest wish that you and yours enjoy a wonderful Christmas this year.
The King and I welcomed our daughter Elizabeth to the world this year, a moment that we will surely treasure forever. His Majesty is a doting and attentive father. Why, just yesterday he didn’t even say “get thy ugliness and thy bitch child away from me.”
He is surely warming to her.
Dearest Henry has his moments, as all young sleep-deprived fathers do, but we’ve learned not to take him literally. For instance, when he says something like: “If you don’t give me a male heir, I’ll have you beheaded you filthy whore,” he simply means he wants a little brother for our darling Elizabeth. And when he tells anyone who’ll listen that I used witchcraft to get him to marry me, he simply means that he loves me so much, it’s as if I cast spell on him. He’s really sweet that way.
I’ve only been his Queen for two years now, and I’m slowly adjusting. Life in the palace is wonderful, but sometimes it is a little confining. Luckily, a few weeks ago, Henry promised me a trip to a place called Hades. It’s been ages since we traveled, so naturally little Elizabeth and I eagerly await our voyage. It won’t be a long trip (His Majesty promises it will short and swift), but it’s good to get away. My Ladies in Waiting are extremely anxious about this trip, and I’m sure it’s because they simply don’t know what to pack until we find out more about Hades’ climate.
I’m hoping this trip makes 1537 as memorable as 1536. Can you believe 1536 is almost over already? Doesn’t Henry’s ex-communication from the Catholic Church seem like it happened decades ago instead of just last year? My darling husband is really growing into his new role. Lesser men might have buckled from the pressure of running a country and a church, but my Henry is larger than life…he’s nearly 400 pounds now.
So, dear friends and relatives, as you gather round the Christmas fire this year, please pray for my husband, the Supreme Head in Earth of the Church of England, because, in case you don’t remember, it’s high treason not to.
Look for my postcard from Hades.
Lovingly yours,
Ann Boleyn
Next week...a Christmas letter from this Christmas season.
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