They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.
By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern
As university graduates, we are constantly bombarded by our alma mater with phone and mail requests to contribute money to the cause of higher learning.
This year we’re going to contribute something even better. If modern day students are anything like we were, they will appreciate these gifts far more than money. A box will be arriving in Champaign-Urbana shortly with the following items...
Our Smith Corona
You’ve probably heard about Rick’s “Portrait of an Artist who uses run-on sentences” English 106 paper or Dave’s “The bells are ringing, Pavlov” Psych 100 paper. We can’t give you the reports themselves because that would encourage plagiarism. We can, however, donate the typewriter that punched out those magical “A+” papers one letter, backspace, whiteout, blow on the whiteout, type the correct letter, at a time.
Our Albums
Between the two of us we’ve accumulated over 1000 albums. In this collection of albums with the corner cut out and giant letters “WPGU” written on them (a tribute to our college radio station), you’ll find everything from the hot new releases like The Thompson Twins and Kajagoogoo to classic hits by The Beatles and The Who. We wish we could be there to see the kids put those gems on their turntables and crank the quadraphonic sound! Since there aren’t enough for everyone, however, please record them on cassette so the rest of the kids can listen to them on their walkmans.
Our Textbooks
College textbooks are ridiculously expensive (except, of course, Rick’s book “The Radio Producer’s Handbook” which is available at amazon.com for a measly $19.95). Well, don’t worry kids, because each of us has a whole boxful of textbooks that we’re willing to donate to the cause of higher learning. Whether you enjoy Rick’s political science book about the Soviet Union and Yugoslavia or Dave’s astronomy book about the last planet Pluto, the knowledge on those pages is timeless…and for the first time, FREE!
Our Movies
College isn’t just about studying and learning. With all of that pressure to succeed, college kids need to blow off a little steam too. Enjoy one of the great slasher flicks from our big box of beta video movies. Trust us; Jamie Lee Curtis has never looked better. Rick will also throw in his entire (laserdisc) movie collection acquired in the years shortly after college. Those babies are digital.
Free Computer Gear
The cost of this nickel and dime computer gear adds up, doesn’t it? A box of 5-inch floppy discs here, a Lotus and/or DOS manual there, and before you know it, you don’t have any money left over for quarter beer night. We still have loads of this stuff, and we’re happy to donate it to the university. As a special tip for you advertising students…look through that box of floppy discs closely. One of them is labeled “Ad-Plan” and will show you how advertising on “Moonlighting” and “Knight Rider,” while creating point-of-purchase displays for K-Mart and Woolworth, will give your client the most bang for the buck.
We know that contributing all of this priceless stuff is a tad on the “overly-generous” side. It’s just who we are. We’re givers. If this stuff can help just one kid enjoy the kind of college life we enjoyed, that’s all the thanks we need.
