Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.
Joke of the Week: Contributed by "E"--John McCain jokes by David Letterman
But seriously how about that John McCain? John McCain looks like a guy whose head you can barely see over the steering wheel. ...
John McCain looks like the guy who thinks the nurses are stealing his stuff. 'Dad, why would they take your socks? It doesn't make sense.'"
How about that John McCain, huh? John McCain looks like the kind of guy who brags that his new denture adhesive allows him to eat corn on the cob.
He looks like a guy who parked his RV overnight at Wal-Mart.
How about John McCain? He looks like a guy at a restaurant that says I'm leaving 10%, that's good enough.
John McCain, looks like the guy who goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself outside of the house.
John McCain ... He looks like the guy that walks up to the mound to settle down a young pitcher.
John McCain looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings.
I like that John McCain. He looks like a guy who gets tickets for mowing under the influence.
He looks like a guy with a collection of movies he bought at the car wash.
He looks like a guy on the beach with a metal detector.
He looks like the guy who is still confused by the phone answering machine: 'Hello, is that - hello, is that you? Larry, Larry, hello?'
He looks like the guy who calls his grandson when he screws up the remote: 'Well, now all the shows are in Spanish. What am I going to do, hello?'
How about that John McCain? He looks like the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything.
He looks like the guy who has to always be told something is on his chin.
He looks like a guy who still has a rotary phone. He looks like a guy who's backed over his own mailbox.
He looks like a guy whose sweater is always mis-buttoned.
He looks like the guy who always tells you he's 72 years young.
He looks like the guy who's bragged that oatmeal has lowered his cholesterol.
Hey, how about this John McCain, huh? Whoa, my gosh –- doesn't he look like the old guy at the barber shop?
He looks kind of like a Wal-Mart greeter, John McCain.
He kind of looks like the neighbor who says, 'Oh, that dead tree is on your property,' one of those guys.
He's the guy who is always early for the early bird special, that's what he looks like.
He looks like a mall walker, ladies and gentlemen.
He looks like the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors.
He looks like the uncle who pretends to remove his thumb.
I like John McCain. He looks like an old guy in a coffee shop who's still complaining about the designated hitter.
He looks like the guy who asks the driver if he's on the right bus.
He looks like the guy who's always saying, 'What was that? Nothing? That's what I thought.'
Stories you might have missed
1. Oprah and Barbara discuss sleeping with married men
(I can see the ad now..."Barack Obama endorses adultery.")
2. Suburban Chicago Man plans his beer can funeral
(This guy is obviously insane. His favorite beer is Pabst Blue Ribbon.)
3. Yankees-Red Sox fued ends in murder
(And you thought the Cubs-White Sox rivalry was intense.)
4. Striped Icebergs
(This isn't a joke...these photos are awesome)
5. A-Rod's wife says he fainted during birth
(See guys? We're much manlier than A-Rod. Don't forget to tell your wife.)
Video of the week: Contributed by "S". "Coolest Bowling Trick Ever"
Picture of the Week: Contributed by "D". He calls it "Only in America."
Reader Response
Regarding "Suburban Man: Mother's Day Rap"
"That is priceless! I think your boys have a future in the music biz. Watch out Eminem!"
--P
"What’s cuter than a giggling, grunting baby? Nothin’."
--M
253 days until we get a new president.
