Joke for a Monday morning

Contributed by "KK"



Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.

They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.

Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.

Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.

And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.

When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.

"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."

"So do I," said Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"

"Not so good," Harry said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper..."

This week in...

1929

The Cubs are in the midst of a pennant winning season.

*As the Cubs are winning a double-header in Philadelphia behind home runs from Hack Wilson and Cliff Heathcote, the world's first airport hotel opens in Oakland California.



********************
1969

The Cubs are in the midst of one of their most memorable seasons.

*Bill Hands pitches a shutout in Wrigley Field against Montreal backed by RBI hits from Ron Santo and Ernie Banks just a few hours before Neil Armstrong becomes the first man to walk on the moon.


********************
1984

The Cubs are hoping to make the playoffs for the first time since World War 2.

*Rick Sutcliffe 6-hits the Padres at Wrigley Field on the same day that Walter Mondale wins the 1984 Democratic nomination in San Francisco.



********************
1989

The Boys of Zimmer are taking Chicago by storm.

*Former President Ronald Reagan (a Cubs fan) takes a turn at the microphone, broadcasting the all-star game. The Cubs are represented in that game by 2B Ryne Sandberg, OF Andre Dawson, SP Rick Sutcliffe, and RP Mitch Williams.

Father Knows Nothing

I just posted my latest Father Knows Nothing column at NWI Parent. It's about our latest camping trip to Wisconsin. I call this one: "Up the River"

Billy Joel & Elton John

They played last night at Wrigley Field. I missed it.

Here's the review of Billy & Elton in today's Tribune. Sounds like it was a great show. I'd love to hear from someone that attended.

Lou Piniella meets the President

Here's the full story. I saw him interviewed about it during the Cubs pre-game last night. It sounds like Lou was genuinely blown away by the experience.

Lou Boudreau

The Good Kid was born on this date in 1917.

Despite the fact that he was a Chicago boy, and he broadcast the Cubs games for many years, he never actually played for the Cubs.

He did manage them for a season, however. That's a pretty weird story.

A no-handed backflip over the Thames

This is crazy.

Apollo 11 launches

It happened on this day in 1969, exactly 40 years ago today.

Unless of course you're one of those loons who believes the whole thing was staged.

This is some pretty impressive staging. Here's the video.

Keep it, kid.

On this date in 1916, the Chicago Cubs became the first team to allow their fans to keep the balls hit into the stands.

Imagine if that rule had never been instituted. Would it have made a difference on a certain date in 2003?

I love Chicago

I went downtown with the boys on Wednesday. We went to the Art Institute and then hung out in Millennium Park. I know this isn't exactly profound, but every time I come downtown I'm still blown away by the beauty of this city.

This is just one of the many pictures I took yesterday. It's the only one that doesn't have a boy making rabbit ears over another boy's head.

Bubbles

Ernest Hargrave was born on this day in 1892. His teammates called him "Bubbles," and he was a catcher for the Cubs about a hundred years ago.

Read why they called him Bubbles here.

Two more of our Arlington Park videos

Both of these videos star Quinn Ella (otherwise known as my buddy Dave).

Easy Rider

It was released 40 years ago today.

I was fortunate enough to meet the director and co-star of that movie, Dennis Hopper. He's a very interesting guy. (Read all about that meeting here.)

Enjoy a clip of the movie too. This is obviously pre-booze tax.

All Star Cubs

I was just curious about which Cubs have appeared in the all-star game over the years, so I did some research. Keep in mind that the All-Star game began in 1933, so the many Cubs greats from the first 66 years of the franchise are not included here. The photos represent the most recognized Cub at each position.


Catchers:
Gabby Hartnett (1933, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
Clyde McCullough (1948, 53)
Randy Hundley (1969)
Steve Swisher (1976)
Jody Davis (1984, 86)
Geovany Soto (2008)







First Basemen:
Ripper Collins (1937)
Phil Cavaretta (1944, 45, 46, 47)
Eddie Waitkus (1948)
Ernie Banks (1962, 65, 67, 69)
Bill Buckner (1981)
Mark Grace (1993, 95, 97)
Derek Lee (2005, 07)





Second Basemen:
Billy Herman (1934, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
Don Zimmer (1961)
Glenn Beckert (1969, 70, 71, 72)
Manny Trillo (1977)
Ryne Sandberg (1984, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93)







Shortstops:
Billy Jurges (1937)
Ernie Banks (1955, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61)
Don Kessinger (1968, 69, 70, 71, 72, 74)
Shawon Dunston (1988, 90)






Third Basemen:
Woody English (1933)
Stan Hack (1938, 39, 41, 43)
Andy Pafko (1948)
Randy Jackson (1954, 55)
Ron Santo (1963, 64, 65, 66, 68, 69, 71, 72, 73)
Bill Madlock (1975)
Vance Law (1988)
Aramis Ramirez (2005, 08)




Outfielders: Kiki Cuyler (1934), Chuck Klein (1934), Augie Galan (1935), Frank Demaree (1936, 37), Bill Nicholson (1940, 1941, 1943, 1944, 1945), Andy Pafko (1945, 47, 49, 50), Hank Sauer (1950, 52), Moose Moryn (1958), George Altman (1961, 62), Billy Williams (1962, 64, 65, 68, 72, 73), Jim Hickman (1970), Jerry Morales (1977), Dave Kingman (1979, 80), Leon Durham (1982, 83), Andre Dawson (1987, 88, 89, 90, 91), Rafael Palmeiro (1988), George Bell (1991), Sammy Sosa (1995, 98, 99, 00, 01, 02, 04), Moises Alou (2004), Alfonso Soriano (2007, 08), Kosuke Fukudome (2008)

Pitchers: Lon Warneke (1933, 34, 36), Curt Davis (1936), Larry French (1940), Claude Passeau (1941, 42, 43, 45, 46), Johnny Schmitz (1946, 48), Bob Rush (1950, 52), Dutch Leonard (1951), Don Elston (1959), Larry Jackson (1963), Dick Ellsworth (1964), Fergie Jenkins (1967, 71, 72), Rick Reuschel (1977), Bruce Sutter (1977, 78, 79, 80), Lee Smith (1983, 87), Rick Suttcliffe (1987, 89), Greg Maddux (1988, 92), Mitch Williams (1989), Randy Myers (1994, 95), Steve Trachsel (1996), Jon Lieber (2001), Mark Prior (2003), Kerry Wood (2003, 08), Carlos Zambrano (2004, 06, 08), Ryan Dempster (2008), Carlos Marmol (2008), Ted Lilly (2009)

Ironic PSA

James Dean on safe driving...

Ricketts gets approval

The Trib and Tom Ricketts (photo) have finally come to an agreement about the Cubs. Now they just need to wait for approval from the bankruptcy court and the other MLB owners.

Dave Kaplan tells the story here on his blog.

Investment Banker Jokes

Thanks to "HJ" for sending these to me...



Q: You used to work for Lehman Brothers? How do you make a living now?
A: I sell furniture. My own.

Banker: Take me to the bankruptcy court.
Cabbie: Here we are. $20 please.
Banker: Well, I guess you better come in too.

Q: What do you say to a banker with a steady job?
A: Two Big Macs and one large fries.

Q: What’s the definition of optimism?
A: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening.

An investment banker said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one in the street yesterday.

A man went to his bank manager and said: ‘I’d like to start a small business. How do I go about it?’ ‘Simple,’ said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.’

The credit crunch is getting bad, isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow a tenner a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now Britain’s fourth biggest lender.

Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: The pizza can still feed a family of four.

Q: What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say?
A: Would you like fries with that sir?

Q: What is the capital of Iceland?
A: About $3.50

I tried to get cash from the ATM today but it said “insufficient funds.” I don’t know if that meant them or me.

Mark Twain was ahead of the curve: “October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.”

Doctor: Bad news, you have only three weeks to live.
Sales Broker: On what?

Q: Have you ever been arrested?
Structurer: No.
Q: Why?
Structurer: Never got caught.

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET - Statements made by banks to get you to buy their stocks

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market plunges

BROKER — What your broker has made you

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST – The shrink who’s treating your depressed financial advisor

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

Footsie

His real name was Clarence Blair, and he was born on this date in 1900.

See why all of his teammates called him Footsie.

Father Knows Nothing

I just posted another Father Knows Nothing column at NWI Parent. It's a tribute to my dad called "Why do I write?"

You can read it here.

Camping

I can't believe I got sucked into again, but I'm leaving in a few hours to go camping with my family in Wisconsin.

Here's what happened last time.

The weather for this weekend calls for scattered thunderstorms.

I look at it this way. The bigger the disaster, the better the story. Right?

United Breaks Guitars

I'm not a big fan of country music, but this one hits home. It perfectly captures our beloved O'Hare Airport. It's pretty funny too. (Apologies to my friends who work at United Airlines)

Andre Dawson

Andre Dawson is celebrating his 55th birthday today. We've previously written about Andre several times at Just One Bad Century.

We've praised his mustache.

We've explained his nickname.

We've relived the 1989 season.

And we've played the Andre Dawson song.

Today we just wish him a happy birthday.

Dad & Harry

I just got back from the cemetery (visiting Dad). While I was there, the boys and I went for a stroll to check out some of the other graves. My grandparents are there, an uncle, a family friend, and a bunch of other people they knew.

Imagine my surprise when we also stumbled onto the grave of Harry Caray. He's buried no more than a hundred yards away from Dad.

It's a nice gravestone that says "CARAY" and features a baseball, the caricature of Harry's "Holy Cow" logo, and says something to the effect of "Dedicated to baseball fans everywhere."

Eckhard Kaempfer

This is a picture of my father Eckhard Kaempfer.

We lost Dad exactly twenty years ago today.

I was hosting the "Best of Steve & Garry" on the Loop when I got a call on the hotline from my sister. She said I needed to come to the hospital immediately because something happened to Dad.

My good buddy Jim Wiser was there at the time of the phone call, and volunteered to finish the shift for me so I could drive out to the hospital in Arlington Heights. I'll never forget Jim for that because I arrived just moments before Dad lost consciousness forever.

Dad was only 54 years old when he died.

His name was Eckhard Kaempfer, but don't bother Googling him. He lived his entire life before the Internet era so there is almost no record of his accomplishments. I'll give you the Cliff Notes version. He was a German immigrant, but he was also a proud American. He served in the United States Air Force, and the US Army Corp of Engineers. He loved westerns and cowboys.

But his real love was soccer. He was one of the founders of the Green White Soccer Club, which still exists more than fifty years later. The current secretary of the club is my sister Cindy. She's another one of Dad's accomplishments; one of his very best. Add my brother Peter to that list. And I suppose I should include Dad's oldest child too; not a child at all anymore, nearly 46 years old.

After they declared Dad dead, and we all came home from hospital, I sat in the darkness and couldn't sleep. I picked up a pad of paper and just started writing. Some sort of a poem or song or essay about Dad came out. I wrote it more for my own therapy than for anything else. I wasn't going to show it to anyone. If I hadn't written it, I wouldn't have slept.

The next morning Mom woke up before I did, and found that pad of paper. She begged me to read it in church as Dad's eulogy. I didn't know what I was getting into when I agreed. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I honestly don't remember a word of it. After the funeral, I gave that pad of paper to Mom and I haven't seen it since.

I'll be stopping by the cemetery today (along with three little boys he never met) to see the stone in the ground with his name on it. It still startles me every time I see it: Eckhard Kaempfer, 1935-1989.

After that, I think I'll stop by Mom's and see if I can read that pad of paper again.

I think it's time.

Tom Hanks

Tom Hanks is 53 years old today. Remember his immortal words: "There's no crying in baseball."

E-mails, we get e-mails

"AS" responds to yesterday's post about the Journey song "Don't Stop Believin'". She writes...


"“Just a city boy, born in raised in South Detroit …..”

There is no South Detroit. South Detroit is Windsor, Canada .

Which also reminds me of the old, cheesy 70’s song, The Night Chicago Died. The very first line is “ Dad dy was a cop….on the east side of Chicago.” Evidently, Daddy was on a boat in the middle of Lake Michigan .

Little things like that bug me for some reason. It is interesting that Journey basically wrote that song backwards, which explains the odd formula and the chorus coming at the end of the song. I remember them singing Don’t Stop Believin’ at Rosemont Horizon during the 1981 Escape tour. Steve Perry pointed to Jonathan Cain and sang, “just a city boy, born and raise in South Chicago .” Evidently, Cain IS from Chicago (and was a survivor of the Our Lady of the Angels fire in 1958). A little useless trivia for you."

Thanks "AS." There's no-one who appreciates worthless trivia more than I do.

20 years ago this week

One of my all-time favorite shows debuted 20 years ago this week. Here are some highlights...

Hank O'Day

He was the umpire who made the controversial ruling that gave the Cubs the 1908 National League pennant.

Just six years later he was managing the team. Read the story of Hank O'Day here. He was born on this day in 1882.

Ryan Dempster

How did he break his toe? Jumping over the railing to celebrate a Cubs victory.

He's out 3-4 weeks.

That is so Cubs.

Behind the Scenes at Arlington

Arlington Park hired us to produce funny "behind the scenes" videos for their website. Here are the first few. Long-time readers of this blog might recognize the star of these videos (Quinn Ella) as my former Half-Empty co-writer Dave.







Keep checking their website Arlington Park Live for more Behind the Scenes videos. There are a couple more in production as we speak.

Don't Stop Believin'

There's a great look at the Journey song "Don't Stop Believin'" in this morning's Chicago Tribune.

The song was a top ten hit, but it is lasting way beyond everyone's expectations. After all, it came out in 1981. The Tribune analyzes.

The first All-Star game

It was played on this date in 1933 at Comiskey Park in Chicago.

There were several Cubs on that first all-star team: Lon Warneke (who pitched 4 innings of one-run ball against the likes of Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig & Jimmie Foxx), Gabby Hartnett (who struck out in his only at-bat) & Woody English (who didn't get to play in the game).

Babe Ruth hit a two run homer in the bottom of the third, but it wasn't against Warneke. Cardinals pitcher Wild Bill Hallahan served up the dinger to the Babe.

The American League won 4-2.

Father Knows Nothing

I just posted a new Father Knows Nothing column at NWI Parent. It's called "The Big Easy" and it's about the family trip to New Orleans.

A steroids protest

Niekro vs. Niekro

On this date in 1967, it was brother versus brother as Niekro faced Niekro in Atlanta. Joe Niekro was the pitcher for the Chicago Cubs. Phil Niekro pitched for the Atlanta Braves.

Mack Jones and Rico Carty both hit homers against Joe, chasing him from the game in the 4th inning. Phil pitched a complete game and the Braves won 8-3.

A sidenote to this game: Bob Uecker was the catcher for the Braves. He went 0 for 3.

Happy Birthday America

Brian Jones

It was 40 years ago today that Brian died. Here's the reaction of Keith Richards and Bill Wyman just after it happened...

Santo & Sandberg

Today was a big day in the careers of Cub favorites Ron Santo & Ryne Sandberg.



On this day in 1960, Ron Santo hit the first home run of his career. It came off Cincinnati Reds lefthander Jim O'Toole at Wrigley Field. It was a three run shot in the first inning that knocked in Ernie Banks and Frank Thomas. He hit eight more homers in his rookie season and by the time his Cubs career was over he had hit a total of 337.





On this day in 1993, Ryne Sandberg got the 2000th hit of his Hall of Fame career. He hit a single off Curtis Leskanic of the Colorado Rockies in front of more 60,000 fans in Mile High Stadium. Ryno ended his career with 2386 hits. All but one of those (his first one) were hit wearing a Chicago Cubs uniform.

Ted Danson

These pick up lines might be from the 80s, but I have a funny feeling they're still being used...

Momentous day in Wrigley history

On this day in 1917, three future NFL Hall of Famers played at Cubs Park (now known as Wrigley Field).

Paddy Driscoll played 2B for the Cubs. That was his only year in baseball, but he went on to a great football career with the Chicago Bears and the Chicago Cardinals.

Jim Thorpe & Greasy Neal both played in the outfield for the Reds.

Thorpe's biggest baseball claim to fame was knocking in the winning run in the double no-hitter between Hippo Vaughn & Fred Toney, but he was one of the greatest players in the NFL during the 1920s, and was named to the all-decade team.

Neal was a member of the 1919 World Champion Reds (that beat the cheating White Sox), but he went on to become an NFL head coach, leading the Philadelphia Eagles to two championships (1948 & 1949).

On this day in 1917, Thorpe & Neal came out victorious as the Reds beat the Cubs 8-5.

E-mails, we get e-mails...

"JM" writes regarding the Mark Sanford controversy...

"I think he has coined a new term "taking a hike in the Appalachan's" now means having an affair.

Don't you think the Democrats and Republicans should line up on opposite stands at a high school football field and do this new CHEER ?:

We've got cheaters yes we do, we got cheaters how 'bout you?"

Rick responds: Either that cheer or this one..."D-Fense. (attorney) D-Fense (attorney.)"

Lou Piniella

He was voted the manager that players would least like to play for (Ozzie was #2), according to a poll conducted by Sports Illustrated. The details are here.

Maybe so, but I must admit that I've been hoping for a really good public Lou explosion to wake up the team this year. Call 'em out. Rip 'em good. Screw the pansies that don't want to play for him.

$everance

It's two years old, but it got another good review this week. This one is from the blog "Something that needs nothing."

Buster & the Princess

Two notable birthdays today, although both of them are sadly no longer with us.

Former Cub Buster Freeman was born on this day in 1928, and Princess Diana was born on this day in 1961.

(What does she have to do with the Cubs? Click here.)

Cell phones interrupt press briefing

I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing Gibbs did...

Japanese Pizza Box

You gotta love the way this guy catches the foul ball. Thanks to "BP" for sending it to me.


Foul Ball Slams Into Fan's Pizza Box - Watch more Funny Videos

Jack Silver

I interviewed Jack Silver a few months ago when he was let go from his previous job.

He just got a new job in LA.

Separated at Birth?

'AA" writes...

"This is one of the guys on The Bachelorette (that my wife is watching and I happen to be in the same room, I SWEAR). Every time he’s on I think it’s Rick."

Father Knows Nothing

Next week I'll tell you the story of my Big Easy vacation. This week I tell you about a pecker. You can read the column here.

Sammy's hollow record

Remember how exciting it was when Sammy Sosa set the record for most home runs in a month? He did it on this day in 1998. Feels hollow now, doesn't it?


By the way, the JOBC blog has continually updated this past few days. You may have missed...

A Youngster Ensnared

Forbes Field

Happy birthday to two mustaches

Or

The Babe

I'm back

Had a GREAT time in New Orleans, and I will be writing about several of the episodes that occurred there. Hang in there, it's coming. Next week's Father Knows Nothing column will be a journey to the Big Easy.

But in the meantime, I'm happy to be back in the (basement) saddle.