Three Jokes to Start your Week with a Smile
1. This one is for the teachers. Thanks to "N" (a teacher) for submitting it.
You know you're a teacher when...
=You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
=You find humor in other people's stupidity.
=You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
=You believe chocolate is a food group.
=You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
=You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
=You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.
=When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
=You have no life between August to June.
=When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.
=You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
=You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
=You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
=You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
=You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.
=You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
=You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
=You want to choke a person when he or she says "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."
=Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"
2. This one is for the office. Submitted by "J", a long suffering office worker.
EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
"Amen"
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
"Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
"Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. This one wasn't submitted by a cop, but I thought it was funny anyway. Thanks "M".
In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.
The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.
The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.
The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
