*President Bush delivers State of the Union AddressWASHINGTON--President George W. Bush reached out to his opposition by calling for a new "spirit of good will and respect for one another" during Tuesday night's State of the Union Address. He finished this thought by saying "And I will do my part."
=For those of you keeping track of this sort of thing, that spirit lasted exactly four minutes, before he called anyone who thinks we're not winning the war in Iraq a "Defeatist."
=I'm choosing to look at the 'good will and respect' cup as half full, not half empty. The President and his surrogates previously called 'people against the war' names like "pro-terrorist," "traitor", "cut and run" and/or "appeaser." "Defeatist" could be a step in the right direction.
*The Democrats ResponseWASHINGTON--Virginia Governor Tim Kaine delivered the Democratic response to President Bush's State of the Union Address on Tuesday night.
=The nation hasn't seen that kind of charisma since Walter Mondale.
*Republicans elect Rep. Boehner as new House Majority Leader
WASHINGTON--On the second ballot, Rep. Boehner came from behind to defeat Rep. Roy Blunt to become the brand new House Majority Leader. The first ballot was thrown out and considered "a mulligan" because there were more votes cast than Republicans present.
=The winner on the first ballot? Al Gore.
*Academy Award nominees announcedHOLLYWOOD--The Academy of Motion Pictures announced their nominees this week. The nominees for Best Picture are: Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Crash, Good Night & Good Luck, and Munich.
=I've actually seen trailers and/or commercials for four of the five nominees this year. Maybe I'll get some of the jokes at the Academy Awards.
=You know you don't get out much when you have three kids and you haven't even seen the nominees in the "Best Animated Film" category.
*Super Bowl Sunday
DETROIT--Super Bowl XL will be played this weekend in Detroit. According to the National Eating Trends Service, the #1 snack eaten at Super Bowl parties will be vegetables (29%).
=What a coincidence, the #1 drink turns people into vegetables too.
*1985 Bears Declared Best EverSPRINGFIELD, Illinois--The Illinois General Assembly unanimously decided Thursday to designate the 1985 Chicago Bears "the greatest football team of all-time." The city of Chicago honored the '85 Bears with a similar resolution last month.
=This is what happens when your team doesn't win a meaningful playoff game in twenty years.
*Italian Leader's Celibacy Pledge
ROME, Italy--Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi promised his priest that he would not have "marital relations" until after the April 9th election, as his way of saying thanks to the priest for his political support.
=His wife of 16 years was said to be resting comfortably after high-fiving everyone she knew.
=Clinton Alert: Notice he didn't say anything about extra-marital relations.
*Man falls 130 feet and survives
VIENNA, Austria (AP)--A man plummeted 130 feet from a helicopter but escaped injury because deep snow cushioned his fall.He was suspended by a rope to make repairs when the knot came undone, police in the Austrian town of Hallstatt said. He suffered no injuries.
=If any of you know my youngest son, please don't bring up this story. He already fears nothing--the one argument he might have believed was "hanging from a helicopter by a rope isn't safe."
*White Castle for Valentine's Day
(CHICAGO SUN-TIMES) 22 of the 76 Chicagoland White Castles will be accepting dinner reservations for Valentines Day. They will be laying out white tablecloths, printing menus, dimming the fluorescent lights, and playing romantic music. Employees will also be wearing formal attire, and a maitre'd will seat guests.
="That's right baby. You are my princess, and this is our castle."=You could slip the maitre'd a twenty for the best table in the joint and still only spend twenty five bucks.
=Roses are red,
my baby's wider,
now that I gave her,
her seventeenth slyder.
*Groundhogs Day Yesterday Punxatony Phil emerged from his home, and saw his shadow--which means that we're in for another six weeks of winter.
=Frankly, I don’t think his heart has been into his job for years. All Groundhogs have been hiding their heads in shame since they were portrayed by Buddy Hackett in the Christmas special “The Year Without a Santa Claus.”
Reader Response
Regarding my Home for the Holidays article--Snow Dome King.
"I have a very similar story, but I collect snow globes the larger more expensive kind. I have one from here, seattle, new york, london, las vegas and a few others... I have found them hard to come by, cuz most places only have the smaller plastic-y kind you show here.. I love my snow globes!"
--"B"
Regarding Jokes for a Monday morning
"As for that joke about the Chicago Police Department making a bear admit he was a rabbit--that bear was probably guilty of something else anyway."
--"T"
"I was disappointed to see there were no George Bush jokes on your blog the day before his state of the union."
--"D"
Rick responds: Good point. If anyone has any good George Bush jokes, send them in this weekend and I'll feature them on next Monday's Jokes. Don't worry--we're an equal opportunity offender. I'll do Democrat jokes another week.
Regarding Tuesday's Suburban Man: "The Worst Part"
"I can totally relate to your hatred of crafts. I actually told my daughter that I injured my hands in a farm combine accident when I was young, making them useless for crafts."
--"M"
"Let's not forget Origami. The other day I had to help make a cup and then a Chinese warrior helmet. The cup was easy, but I had to enlist the help of my 12 yr old for the helmet."
--"J"
"Hey! I love crafts. They teach children so much."
--"C"
Rick Responds: You're hired. We have a Science Fair project due in two weeks.
Regarding Wednesday's Bald Minute: "We are good, they are evil"
"I have a flaw in Dave's 'bald people are good' theory. What about Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers movies? He's bald, and he's so evil it's in his name."
--"P"
Dave Responds: Hollywood Propoganda. Mike Myers is actually a fullhead playing a bald man. There's a special very hot place waiting for him someday.
Regarding Last Week's From the Archives: Rick and Swany Interviewed by Andy Shaw
"Rick, thanks a lot for using that picture of me. I'm planning on using it for my next mugshot."
--Swany
"That Swany is cute. I take it that long hair photo is a few years old."
--"L"
Rick Responds: Actually, it's not that old. It was taken when our book came out last year. And apparently it may be used as a mugshot in the future. I know Swany pretty well. Don't think it's not possible.
Free-lance writing update: I sold another article this week to Shore Magazine entitled "Emergency Rooms." It will eventually be featured on this blog.
Also, this week I was nominated for membership in the Society of Midland Authors. Quoting from their letter now: "An enduring literary organization (established in 1915) of recognized writers in twelve Midwestern states. Qualifications are publication of a work of literary merit by a recognized publishing house, and a close personal connection with the Midwest by birth or current residence." Wow, literary merit! I better send in my membership form before they see "The Bald Handbook."
A.M.I.S.H. update: Add the "Hacienda" chain of restaurants in Indiana to the list of clients signing up for the radio advertising work of A.M.I.S.H. We're working on a campaign for Cinco de Mayo.
"Severance" update: I'm about 2/3 done with my final edit/rewrite. Although any similarity to people living or dead is strictly coincidental, I've been told that Rob Reiner, PETA, Rush Limbaugh, and the Heritage Foundation won't be crazy about the chapters I edited this week. I have no idea why.
Coming up this weekend on Rick's Blog: Today marks the anniversary of the plane crash that claimed the lives of Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper. Don McClean was inspired by that event to write the song “American Pie,” and since the song’s release, this day has been known as “The Day the Music Died.” Guest blogger (and former WCFL-Chicago rock jock) Bob Dearborn will explain the meaning behind the cryptic words of that song in tomorrow’s blog. Don’t miss it.
