Every Monday stop by for jokes, links to stories you might have missed, amusing photos and video, and more. Contributions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Click on the "Email Me" link on the right to contribute.
Joke of the Week: Contributed by "B"
This is the new MUST HAVE for any office/cubicle. Are you stressed? Are the squeeze and koosh balls just not getting it anymore? Do you need that special "pick-me-up" in the middle of the work day?
YOU NEED THE RED BINDER 2000
Inside this binder you will find 'solutions' to everyday problems. If you are having problems with the photocopier, having difficulty dealing with co-workers, having computer problems...order the RED BINDER and keep it on your shelf in case of emergencies. You'll never feel stressed at work again!
Stories You Might Have Missed
1. Woman buckles beer, not child
(The story doesn't say what kind of beer it was...but if it was a Budweiser product, I hope the judge has no mercy.)
2. Pedro Martinez and Juan Marichal filmed at a cockfight
(The article doesn't say which one of them won. I've got $5 on the high-kicking Marichal.)
3. Chicago voters told pens have invisible ink
(There's nowhere like Chicago on election day)
4. Worst Headline Ever: Ike Beats Tina To Death
(I missed this when it came out in December. Thanks to "B" for alerting me to it.)
5. Chicago is 6th most miserable city in America
(One of the reasons they ranked us there? The Chicago Cubs. C'mon now! That's just piling on.)
Here are a few Beatles-related stories for my fellow Beatlemaniacs...May Pang Breaks Silence
(John Lennon's mistress finally talks about their very strange relationship...which was arranged by Yoko.)
RIP Maharisi Mahesh Yogi
(He was the subject of the Beatles song "Sexy Sadie." Lennon changed the title and chorus to avoid a lawsuit.)
Heather cheated on Paul!
(I love the British Press. Their headline for this story, and I'm not kidding, is "Rumpy Stumpy." They refer to her repeatedly as the "the one-legged ex-hooker.")
Video of the week:
Sarah Silverman music video: "I'm F****** Matt Damon" (As seen on the Jimmy Kimmel show)
Picture of the week: Going the extra mile for Valentine's Day. Contributed by "M"
Reader Response
Regarding Suburban Man: "The Right Question"
"Just so you know, getting a male child to elaborate does not get any better as they get older. Female children will talk you into a coma. You're sorry you ever asked them a question because they'll go off on a rant and change the subject twenty times until you forgot what the original question was, and by then, who cares because you've tuned them out, anyway.
My son is now in college.
"How are you doing in class?"
"Fine"
Now, mind you, this is the answer I get no matter what the class. First off, my son is one of those students that had to be pushed throughout school. Where some kids get easy A's without breaking a sweat, he had to work to get a B, so I ask the above question very frequently, and now that he's over 18, the school will not give me any information. Some baloney about privacy laws. I'd like to tell them to shove their privacy laws or else they won't be getting tuition checks. So, I have to rely on the One Word Wonder.
"How's the speech class (that everyone screws around in and still gets A's or B's in)?"
"Fine."
Grade on subsequent report card? B+
"How's that pre-Calc class (that is harder than a bitch)?"
"Fine."
Grade on subsequent report card? D+
My son was put in speech class in first grade. He had no impediments, but the teacher told me, "He answers everything with one word." Uh-huh. I noticed that, thanks.
Typical phone conversation:
"Hello?"
"Fine."
"Good."
"Wanna talk to my mom?"
The upside? I never have to worry about overage charges on his cell phone minutes."
--A
344 days until we get a new president.
