I once wrote about Norm because my middle son Johnny reminded me so much of him. When he was little, Johnny was also the master of the malaprop. This old Father Knows Nothing column does a pretty good job of describing it...
Father Knows Nothing: Norm Crosby Lives!
By Rick Kaempfer
Yes, I know. The real Norm Crosby is technically still alive.
It’s just that anyone under 40 years old probably has no idea who he is. Crosby was famous for his malaprops…supposedly unintentional fractured English. In fact, it was his whole act. When he talked about his doctor, he called him the “famous sturgeon.” When he talked about Vietnam, he talked about burning his “Diner’s card.”
Get it? (Hey, what do you want? It was the 50s and 60s. Our comedy was a little kinder and gentler then.)
Norm Crosby may not realize it, but in my house, we have someone who pays tribute to him nearly every day. He just doesn’t know he’s doing it.
It’s my middle son Johnny.
For some reason, the little nuances in our lexicon have escaped him. I never used to correct him because I thought it was so funny, but now that he’s 10, I’ve decided the other kids might start noticing–so I better step in.
I’ll miss the Norm Crosby of the Midwest. Just this week, he uttered the following phrases…
*When we tied a game of Tic Tac Toe, he called it a “catscan.”
*When he thought up something on the spot, it was “just off the top of my back.”
*He called his favorite ice cream a “chocolate declare.”
*His older brother gave him a bunch of clothes that he had just outgrown. Johnny was excited, even though the clothes were “hand-me-capped.”
*When we were playing cards, he asked me to help him deal because he’s not a very good “shoveler.”
Those are just from this week. I’m sure there will be more, and I’ll dutifully report them as they arise.
I have to admit though, I’m really going to miss it. I keep telling myself that taking this little charming element of his personality away from him won’t change who he is.
Johnny will always remain “cute as a bucket.”
