Birthday Bonus Father Knows Nothing Story

My little brother Peter is featured in several stories in the book Father Knows Nothing. This story is something that was part of a Father Knows Nothing column I wrote several years ago, that did NOT make it into the final version of the book. I'm reprinting it today in honor of Peter's birthday...

There are moments in life when your heart is telling you to scream, but your head realizes that if you do, you’ll just make the situation worse. I call these “hold your breath” moments.

The first one I remember happening to me occurred on the Tower of Pisa. The year was 1978. I was 15 and my little brother was 8. In those days they let you walk all the way to the top of the tower. My brother and I ran ahead of the rest of the family.

Now, obviously, you know that the Tower of Pisa leans. What you may not know, however, is that you could walk to the very edge of it…and there was no railing there. So, before my parents caught up to us, my little brother calmly walked to the very edge; his toes literally couldn’t have moved another inch. That was enough to scare me, but it’s what he did next that still palpably terrifies me to this day. He craned his neck over the edge, and leaned forward in the same direction the tower was leaning…186 feet above the ground.

My heart almost stopped.

I wanted to scream, but I knew if I did, it could startle him, and cause him to fall off. I calmly asked him to back up, and he did. Nothing happened. At least nothing happened to him. I’m still afraid of heights to this day.

In the original column I went on to tell a story about my dog, which I'm not reprinting today because it has nothing to do with Peter. Anyway, as you can probably guess, Peter is still alive and well. Today he is celebrating his 45th birthday in Detroit, Michigan (his new hometown) with his wife and two sons. (That's him in the background there in 1974, "helping" me do the dishes).

Happy birthday, kid.

Thanks so much for not falling off the Leaning Tower of Pisa in 1978. And thanks for letting me print the stories that I did include in the book, including your famous dive off the top bunk.

The photo below is Peter and my cousin Martina with me at Wrigley Field a few years ago...