Why the Bears will suck in 2015

Deadspin does this to every team every year, and it's usually pretty entertaining.

Here's what they say about Jay Cutler: This man plays quarterback with the same amount of urgency that Adam Sandler puts into his film roles. One day, Cutler will just amble out onto the field in cargo shorts and demand to hand the ball off to Rob Schneider. It’s coming. I can feel it. He’ll never leave Chicago. He’ll build a patio at midfield and just hang out for the next two decades, grilling burgers while the Bears lose every game by 36 points. I kinda love him. If I were that rich, I’d be that lazy.

Can't really argue with that.