John Moran is a divorced father of three who lives in Tucson, AZ and shares custody of his three boys. The coffee mug above is his actual coffee mug. He got divorced a few years ago, and the only thing he got in the divorce settlement was the mini-van. Needless to say, this purple mini-van isn't exactly a chick magnet.
I asked him to guest blog about his experiences as a divorced father re-entering the dating world, because I thought some of you would be able to relate to his experiences, and because I was confident the smarty-pants would be able to do it in a way that was entertaining to all of us. Happy Valentine's weekend!
Divorced and Dating in 2006....with 3 kids
By John Moran
I laughed when I read Rick’s latest blog; "The 70s are Back!" Looking around/distracted at church has been a habit of mine since about 8th grade. In high school I occasionally attended Mass with my friend, Bob Brady. We weren’t there for the religious uplifting. We were there to check out the crowd for high school girls.
Years have passed, yet I still find myself looking around at church. Okay--stop right there. I’m looking around for women who are noticeably without a male companion. I’m a divorced Dad of three boys so most venues are opportunities for looking around.
Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s not like I try to pick up women at church. I don’t follow them to the parking lot and say, "Hey, I noticed that you took the wine at Communion, would you like to meet for a glass of wine some time?" Although, now that I think about it, that’s not bad –I may use that some time.
Shortly after my divorce I figured I needed to get rid of one thing that was sure to be an obstacle in my dating. I needed to ditch the light Iris (okay, purple) minivan that I got as part of the divorce agreement. As Rick has pointed out in previous Suburban Man articles there are very few cool things about a man driving a minivan. I can’t imagine a woman being overly impressed with the light Iris minivan even if it did have eight cupholders.
Finding people to date hasn't been as big of a problem as I feared. Most of my friends are married with children, but almost every one of them has a friend that is divorced. This has been a very useful source. Actually, if you must know, divorced dating is very much like dating in high school. You make dates through your friends.
Conversations (mostly with wives of married friends) go something like this:
Lisa : "I have this friend. She’s divorced too. I can see if she is seeing anyone."
Me: "Sure, see if she’s interested."
Lisa: "I’ll call her tomorrow, then call you."
Me: "Sure."
Lisa, laughing: "She has three kids too. You’d be like the Brady Bunch."
(That was the first of many times that I would hear the Brady Bunch reference. It was funny the first time, but just plain annoying every other time after that. By the way, what ever happened to the first Mrs Brady?)
The next day Lisa called to say she felt like she was in high school, playing the go-between: Do you like him like him or just like him. The only difference was that she didn't have to pass a note in class. (Brings back memories, doesn't it?)
This time Lisa had good news. She told me that yes, her friend knows me -–because my son Jack played soccer on her son's team--and yes she'll go out with me.
Instead of being excited at first, I was concerned that I didn't remember this woman. If I didn't notice her at the soccer games, then how much did I really want to go out with her? That's when I remembered one important fact. My radar was down when Jack played soccer. I was still married then.
Bring it on.
Inevitably, I mostly end up dating women that are divorced and have children. I feel safer with a woman that can recite the next line to.. "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"
My sons, to their credit, take my dating in stride. I try to seperate my family life from my dating life as much as I can, but there is the occasional overlap.
Last weekend, Jack, Luke and I ran into my current girlfriend, Jennifer, at the local coffee shop. The boys have had some interaction with Jennifer, who happens to have a son at the boy’s school. We sat and chatted over chocolate milk, orange juice and a baguette. As I got up to leave I leaned in and kissed Jennifer. It was a quick little peck, barely noticeable in the crowded coffee shop...except to Jack .
As soon as we got outside, Jack laid into me, "Dad, why did you kiss Jennifer?"
"That’s nasty."
John's boys, overlooking the Grand Canyon. John can’t wait for Little League baseball season to start so he can work the snack bar.
This is John hitting his 18th hole approach shot at Oakmont Country Club last year. He's playing a game called "Golf" that in his part of the country can be played in months other than June, July and August.
