"Rick Kaempfer, at rickkaempfer.blogspot.com advises that if you are caught dozing off at work, your first words should be: 'They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.'"
That was awful nice of him to print that, and thanks to "J" for contributing that nugget in last week's "Jokes for a Monday Morning."
At the end of last week an alert reader complained that I didn't feature any George Bush jokes during the week of his State of the Union address. I agreed that this was an oversight, and asked for your Bush jokes on Friday's post. You responded with some good ones. (Thanks to everyone who sent them). This week, I'll feature three of my favorites. Don't worry--I'm an equal opportunity offender. We'll do Democrat jokes another week.
1. Bush Light Bulb Joke (contributed by "R")Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?
2. George W. Bush Meets Moses (contributed by "J")George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"
The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing. Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word. George W. tried a third time, louder yet. "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.
One of George W's aides asked him if there was a problem, and George W. said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet." To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally replied to the aide, "I can hear him and yes, I am Moses, but the last time I spoke to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering the desert."
3. Bush, Einstein and Picasso at the Pearly Gates (contribued by "K")Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove
yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
This was sent me to me by the President. Seriously. No trick photography. It's hard to read, but it says "To Richard Kaempfer: Thank you for your support and friendship..." Just so you know--only my mother and the President call me Richard.
