Thursday, February 09, 2006

From the Archives: Breaking Knees


Tomorrow is the opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics, and every time they come back around, I think of that unbelievably strange Winter Olympics of 1994. You remember it, don't you?

That was the year the Olympics turned into a bad episode of Cops. The cast of characters: Nancy Kerrigan (the beautiful ice princess), Tonya Harding (her jealous rival), Jeff Gillooly (her stupid ex-husband), and Shawn Eckardt (the guy they hired to break Nancy's leg).


This was one of the biggest stories of 1994. Despite the controversy, Tonya was allowed to participate in the Olympics. Unfortunately for her, she had problems with her laces and didn't finish in the top five. Nancy Kerrigan didn't win the gold either--Oksana Baiul did. Nancy won the silver, and because she wasn't gracious on the medal stand, America turned on her too.

That's what the Olympic spirit is all about.

U-S-A. U-S-A.

As you might imagine, we had a lot of fun with this story on the John Landecker Show. We actually did two songs about it, one of which is copied below. I distinctly remember writing the lyrics to this song on my way to Virginia (for my Goddaughter Sarah's christening).

This song is available on "Landecker & the Legends, Volume 1" (the first of our six CDs). It's to the tune of "Breaking up is hard to do" by Neil Sedaka.


“Breaking Knees is hard to do”
(Landecker/Kaempfer)

Knock her, Knock her, Down Doobie Do Down Down,
Knock her, Knock her, Down Doobie Do Down Down,
Knock her, Knock her, Down Doobie Do Down Down,
Breaking Knees is hard to do,

“Don’t take my Gold, away from me”
So her man said “Let’s break Nancy’s Knee”,
They hired someone her ex-husband knew,
Cause breakin knees is hard to do,

We won’t get caught, her ex-husband said,
She forgot he was a knucklehead,
Before she knew it, she was through,
Cause breakin knees is wrong to do,

They say that breakin knees is, wrong to do,
Though it depends on, your point of view,
Nancy’s, chances must end,
Get a few thousand and hire your knucklehead ex-husband’s friend,

They say Tonya, isn’t typical,
Of other figure skating queens we know,
Smoking cigarettes, getting tattoos,
And breaking knees a time or two

They say that breaking knees is, wrong to do,
But Tonya wants, a medal too,
Nancy's, already won bronze,
That’s why the ugly duckling wants to break the knees of all the swans





This song was a major part of early Landecker & The Legends shows. We actually brought along a paper-mache pinata leg (wearing an ice-skate), and allowed the fans to take turns whacking it. Inside the leg? Gold-medal shaped chocolates.

The Legends still tour, especially during the summer. If you want to see if there is a show coming in your area, click here: THE LEGENDS















Celebrity Corner:
Al "Grandpa Munster" Lewis passed away this week at the age of 82. I met him once in 1989 when he was a guest on the Steve & Garry Show. (He was on to promote the opening night of Excalibur nightclub where he was making a personal appearance later that night). He sat quietly in the producer's booth with me for a good twenty minutes before the interview, and we chatted amiably about basketball (he was a huge fan). When he got on the air with Steve & Garry, he turned on the act. He was waaaaaaaaaaay out there--verbally attacking them with inexplicable fury. When the microphones turned off, he was totally normal again. In all my years I never saw anyone turn it on and off that effortlessly. I talked to him on the phone a half-dozen times over the years since then, and he was always a very charming and engaging conversationalist. Although I must admit, I was surprised when I read his age in his obituary. I thought he was 80 years old when I met him seventeen years ago.


If you missed any of the previous From the Archives, click here: http://rickkaempferarchives.blogspot.com.