This one comes courtesy of "MS", a gentleman in his 60s.
You should see my new  neighbor. She's young and beautiful and single...and lives right across the  street. I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was  surprised when she walked across the street in the rain and up my driveway. She knocked on my  door...I  rushed to open it.
She looked at me, and said, "I just  got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have sex all night long! Are you busy tonight?"
I  immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at  all!"
Then she said, "Good! In that  case, could you look after my dog?" 
 
