Media professionals sound off on $everance

I wanted to thank everyone who has been so kind about my new novel "$everance." It is getting excellent reviews and notices across the country, particularly from media professionals who would know whether or not this portrays an accurate picture of the current media landscape.

Listen to what they have to say...









"I think it’s a great, funny, sarcastic, entertaining and thought provoking book…that really shows how broadcasting has changed over the last few years.”
--Rock and Roll Hall of Famer John Records Landecker
WZZN Radio





"It's about time somebody told this story. $everance certainly captured the world of radio, warts and all."
--Legendary broadcaster Clark Weber









"Other than 'love', 'Severance' is the sweetest word in the English language. This really made me laugh."
--WGN Radio's Steve Cochran





"Told with the keen insight of a veteran insider, it's a humorous indictment of an industry that has lost all sense of purpose -- except for making money, of course."
--Chicago Sun Times media columnist Robert Feder




"A hysterical critique of corporate morality"
--Chicago Tribune's RedEye Columnist and WGN-TV Morning News Anchor Larry Potash




"I was with it the whole way, and I love the appended real life figures at the end. I enjoyed the hell out of $everance."
--The Beachwood Reporter's Steve Rhodes


"Brilliant satire! I got a paper cut from the sarcasm. I wish I could say it was great fiction, but having worked in radio, I think it’s just really funny non-fiction. The reality in between the laughs will scare the hell out of you."
--Longtime radio personality and playwright Spike Manton






"I thought this novel was just going to be an amusing story about radio. But the way Kaempfer has woven in elements of all media and politics is masterful, to say nothing of insightful, and frequently laugh-out-loud funny! It’s a brilliant first entry. I can't wait for his next page-turner!"
--Legendary broadcaster and programmer Bob Dearborn






"$everance is a comical, suspenseful, thought-provoking novel about the frightening realities of corporate media in America. Kaempfer writes with ease, quickly drawing the reader in to the satirical-yet oddly realistic-world he's created. This one is tough to put down-a delightful page-turner!"
--Julia Perla, Managing Editor, Shore Magazine





"Too bad Zagorski (the main character) is fictional. Today's media could use someone like him to shake things up. He's the personification of fairness with just enough wicked cynicism to make him completely irresistible. The thought that a team like Zagorski and Lawrence might actually exist should make some big bosses more than a little uneasy."
--Leslie Keiling, WGN Radio



"Rick Kaempfer’s “$everence” is whiplash-fast, choke-on-your-coffee funny, and ultimately frightening. Kaempfer has seen it all in the radio business, and has some dire predictions for the rest of the media, too. It’s the summer’s must-discuss beach read – and probably a sign of the apocalypse."
--Paige Wiser, Chicago Sun-Times columnist




"I laughed out loud many times while reading it - yeah, it's that funny! If you work in the radio business you'll love the inside view of the industry and if you're not in the media you will certainly learn a lot of eye-opening trade secrets."
--Cara Carriveau




"I began laughing almost immediately! The first paragraph alone made me feel like I was back at my first radio job trying to avoid doing anything remotely near the station’s break room! I absolutely LOVE the book! The plot twists and turns were totally unpredictable!"
--Darren Marlar, "Marlar in the Morning", 101-QFL


"As funny as this book is, $everance is a must read for anyone who cares about the state of radio and the media in general. The more ridiculous the plot gets, the more one realizes that it's probably the closest to the truth about what comes out of our radios, tvs and newspapers every day! Kaempfer has done his homework and manages to weave a delightful tale questioning the terrifying possibilities of truth for sale."
---Jeanne Ashley, Star 102 KCKC, Kansas City




"Richard Kaempfer has peeled the lid off your favorite radio station and shown what's inside. $everance turns the radio business on its head and makes you laugh out loud, but it also asks some tough questions. A great read!"
--Reed Pence, Media Tracks




"Got this book and read it in one sitting. Fantastic. I'm realizing that I worked with - and for - most of the characters in this book!"
--Len O'Kelly, WFGR Morning Host







"It's a ripe satire that rips the media giants a new one. Kaempfer throws his rocks with a keen insight."
--Jeff Hoover, WGN-TV Morning News






"A fast moving read that gives the reader insight into the fast moving radio industry; Kaempfer folds the reality of the business with the ridiculous...which is more often than not, the reality of the business!"
--Andi Kuhn, longtime radio personality





"Severance may be a novel – but the storyline it presents is a very realistic – albeit extreme look at the corporate media world – written as only an industry insider could do."
--Dan Kelley, longtime radio programmer

Half Empty: Giving Back to our University

They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.





By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern





As university graduates, we are constantly bombarded by our alma mater with phone and mail requests to contribute money to the cause of higher learning.

This year we’re going to contribute something even better. If modern day students are anything like we were, they will appreciate these gifts far more than money. A box will be arriving in Champaign-Urbana shortly with the following items...

Our Smith Corona
You’ve probably heard about Rick’s “Portrait of an Artist who uses run-on sentences” English 106 paper or Dave’s “The bells are ringing, Pavlov” Psych 100 paper. We can’t give you the reports themselves because that would encourage plagiarism. We can, however, donate the typewriter that punched out those magical “A+” papers one letter, backspace, whiteout, blow on the whiteout, type the correct letter, at a time.

Our Albums
Between the two of us we’ve accumulated over 1000 albums. In this collection of albums with the corner cut out and giant letters “WPGU” written on them (a tribute to our college radio station), you’ll find everything from the hot new releases like The Thompson Twins and Kajagoogoo to classic hits by The Beatles and The Who. We wish we could be there to see the kids put those gems on their turntables and crank the quadraphonic sound! Since there aren’t enough for everyone, however, please record them on cassette so the rest of the kids can listen to them on their walkmans.

Our Textbooks
College textbooks are ridiculously expensive (except, of course, Rick’s book “The Radio Producer’s Handbook” which is available at amazon.com for a measly $19.95). Well, don’t worry kids, because each of us has a whole boxful of textbooks that we’re willing to donate to the cause of higher learning. Whether you enjoy Rick’s political science book about the Soviet Union and Yugoslavia or Dave’s astronomy book about the last planet Pluto, the knowledge on those pages is timeless…and for the first time, FREE!

Our Movies
College isn’t just about studying and learning. With all of that pressure to succeed, college kids need to blow off a little steam too. Enjoy one of the great slasher flicks from our big box of beta video movies. Trust us; Jamie Lee Curtis has never looked better. Rick will also throw in his entire (laserdisc) movie collection acquired in the years shortly after college. Those babies are digital.

Free Computer Gear
The cost of this nickel and dime computer gear adds up, doesn’t it? A box of 5-inch floppy discs here, a Lotus and/or DOS manual there, and before you know it, you don’t have any money left over for quarter beer night. We still have loads of this stuff, and we’re happy to donate it to the university. As a special tip for you advertising students…look through that box of floppy discs closely. One of them is labeled “Ad-Plan” and will show you how advertising on “Moonlighting” and “Knight Rider,” while creating point-of-purchase displays for K-Mart and Woolworth, will give your client the most bang for the buck.

We know that contributing all of this priceless stuff is a tad on the “overly-generous” side. It’s just who we are. We’re givers. If this stuff can help just one kid enjoy the kind of college life we enjoyed, that’s all the thanks we need.

Meet Rick Kaempfer

Come on out tonight to the Shore Magazine Summer Solstice at Custom Imports (17648 U.S. 12 in New Buffalo, MI). I'll be there enjoying the amazing food, sparkling beverages, piano music, and fire dancing. I'll also be autographing copies of my novel $everance, and saying hello to whoever wants to say hi. I promise I won't be wearing the trenchcoat.

For more information about this cool summer soiree (tickets are only $10),...click here

Suburban Man: Camping

By Rick Kaempfer






How crazy is it that I went camping? When a friend of mine called me up the day before we left, and I told him where we were going, he laughed out loud, long and hard. When he finally finished laughing twenty to thirty seconds later, I let him know I wasn’t kidding.

“Did you suffer some sort of a head injury?” he asked.

That’s how crazy it was.

Camping is a combination all of the things I least enjoy in the world (insects, allergies, and manual labor) without any of the things I most enjoy in the world (television, air conditioning, and running water).

The idea of camping voluntarily was patently absurd. That’s probably why my wife Bridget knew she would have to do a heck of a sales job on me to get me to agree to go camping with the Cub Scouts.

“Some of the scout families are going camping next month,” she told me gingerly.

“That’s nice,” I said.

“They volunteered to lend us all the gear we’d need,” she added, “and they’ll even help us set it all up.”

That’s when I looked up at her. “Oh no”

“Don’t just say no,” she pleaded. “All of the families going on this trip are lots of fun, it’s only about an hour away, and it’s not an officially sanctioned Cub Scout event.”

That last part of her argument paused my “no” in mid-‘n’. “What does that mean exactly?”

“That means we can bring beer.”

Hmmm.

I looked at her pleading expression and realized how important this must have been to even suggest such an outlandish concept to a man who once considered adding “indoorsman” to his business cards.

“OK,” I sighed. “What the heck, let’s give it a shot.”

And that first night of camping was great.

I got to know the other parents as we had a few beers by the campfire, and Bridget was absolutely right about them. They were a lot of fun. Nobody was judging my lack of skills around the campsite (Bridget must have thoroughly briefed them), and everybody was helpful and encouraging. I didn’t even mind sleeping in the tent that first night. I slept like a rock, and so did the rest of my family.

The next day, however, was a slightly different story.

When one of the other families suggested going on a hike through the woods first thing in the morning, I figured this was a good chance to prove my good attitude. I agreed.

The highlight of the hike was when Sean wandered into the long grass. When he came out, he was covered head to toe with ticks. The other parents helped me pick off each individual tick from the squirming 4-year old. That’s when we noticed that the rest of us (including two dogs) also had ticks on us.

That put a bit of a damper on the hike.

The good news was that we had at least done something productive with our day. I figured we could go back to camp, fix a late lunch, and then get ready for another fun night around the campfire. I don’t wear a watch, so I asked another dad what time it was.

“It’s 9:45.”

That’s 9:45 am.

It was too hot to take a nap, too early to have a beer, and too unfriendly to read a book, so I did my best to pass the time the rest of this 37-hour-day.

I picked ticks off people. I played games with the kids. I listened to the Cubs game on the radio…the entire game…all nine innings. And I kept waiting…waiting…waiting…for dinnertime/campfire/refreshments time.

That’s when it started pouring rain.

After the rain started, the temperature dropped thirty degrees or more. We needed the fire to stay warm, but if we sat by the fire we got soaked. So, we sat in our tents, snuggled in our sleeping bags, put on sweatshirts and long pants and knit caps, and went to sleep.

On the ride back home I asked the boys, who had been complaining about everything all weekend long, how they liked camping. I thought I had set this up perfectly. The boys would say they hated it, and I would get the credit for trying it without complaining. The boys apparently didn’t get the memo.

“It was great!” Tommy said.

“Loved it!” Johnny said.

“Can we do it again, Dad?” Sean asked.

Bridget just smiled.

Press for Severance

(Have you gotten your copy yet? Click here: www.encpress.com)

Severance merchandise is now available too. You simply must purchase one of these fashionable items: Severance Goodies

I still have quite a few interviews coming soon (July is going to be a very busy month), but thanks to the following people and publications for helping me spread the word about "$everance" so far...






John Records Landecker and Shore Magazine

Robert Feder and the Chicago Sun Times

Larry Potash and the Chicago Tribune

Ted Cox and The Daily Herald (article no longer available on-line)

Cara's Basement (PODCAST)

Steve Cochran and WGN Radio (Podcast not yet available online)

The Stan & Terry Show on WCKG (Podcast Now Available Here)

AllAccess.com

"The Ministry of Truth" radio show on WHPK 88.5 FM (Podcast Now Available Here)

Scripps Journalism School at Ohio University

Crow On Chicago

Chicagoland Radio & Media

Dan Kelley's Classic Rock FM

Chicago Radio & TV

Dave Martin's N=1

Larry Shannon’s RadioDailyNews

The Beachwood Reporter

The Illinois Entertainer

Willyritch.com

Chicago Media Action

Radio-Info.com

Dave Stern and "Half Empty"

Suburban Man

SHORE Magazine

The Illini Media Alumni Club

Bob Dearborn’s RadioNotes (Subscription only)

Half Empty: Talking 'Bout Our Generation

They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.






By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern




There is a 97 % chance that if you’re talking to someone in our parent’s generation you’ll be called a sissy. We’re constantly being reminded that they had a World War to fight, polio to overcome and Russians to hate, while our pansy asses didn’t. Their generation was shaped by catastrophic world events and ours was shaped by Nintendo. Well, it’s time to set the record straight. We haven’t had it so easy, and we know a thing or two about world events. In fact, our lives have been more interesting than theirs and our hardships have been greater.


Dave’s Mom shook Mussolini’s hand once. Rick met Jose Cardenal at Jewel.

During a 1941 war rally in Berlin, Dave’s Mom shook the hand of Mussolini, while Adolph Hitler was 3 feet away. There were no words spoken between them and it’s doubtful the Duce even noticed. On the other hand, Rick met Cub great Jose Cardenal at Jewel, shook his hand and had a 2 minute conversation with him. In addition, Rick’s reasonably sure that Jim Hickman was in the produce section near by.

Advantage: Our Generation.



Rick’s father lived in a chicken coop during the war. Rick and Dave lived in squalor during college.

Rick’s father and his family spent the years immediately after the war living in a chicken coop in Austria. They had no heat, slept on the bare ground and worked hard on the farm in exchange for a weekly piece of meat. His father occasionally was given "fat sandwiches" for which he was forever grateful. Rick and Dave lived here (picture) in college. A picture says a thousand clucks. Besides, all we ate were Ramen noodles. They at least had eggs.

Advantage: Our Generation.


Rick’s great grandfather walked back to Romania from Russia after World War I--and his family had no idea if he was alive or dead for several years. Rick on occasion gets swollen ankles from a mild case of Elephantitis.



Rick would love to walk across war torn Europe but compression socks (shown here) are expensive. Without those socks, Rick's physical limitations won’t allow it. We’re not even mentioning Dave’s kidney stone a few years back.

Advantage: Our Generation.





Dave’s mom experienced frequent power outages during Allied bombings of Berlin. Dave’s cable went out during game three of the 2005 World Series.

There were two on, Jermaine Dye at the dish and Comcast blew a fuse. Thankfully, the outage lasted 15 seconds and all Dave missed was a couple of foul balls. Dave’s mom didn’t even have a TV, so she missed NOTHING!

Advantage: Our Generation.



During the war, even after severe air attacks, the German commuter train system would continue to run on time the next day. Dave took the CTA for three years during High School.

This one isn’t even close.

Advantage: Our Generation


Dave and Rick’s families gave up everything they had and moved to a foreign country without even knowing the native language. Dave and Rick had to deal with permit parking.

Drive to a Lincoln Park bar on a Saturday night and try to park. It’s impossible. How hard was it to get to America? A couple of forms and poof you’re in steerage. We’re not even going to bring up Chicago’s impossible to understand Blue Bag recycling program.

Advantage: Our Generation.


We think it’s clear, that any pain the older generation had to endure, we've had to endure more. Take your little war and hardships and walk a while in our shoes. Oh and as for Rick's great-grandfather, try doing your little European walking tour in Rick’s orthopedic shoes some time. We dare you!



If you missed any previous Half Empty columns, click here: http://halfemptyarchive.blogspot.com

Suburban Man: Father's Day & Mary Ann Childers

Father's Day is this Sunday, and this year it happens to fall on my wife Bridget's 40th birthday. I think it's safe to say that we won't be celebrating Father's Day in my house. I really don't mind. Father's Day has always been a bittersweet holiday for me anyway, as I explained last year in the following piece. I hope you don't mind if I rerun it this year.





By Rick Kaempfer


I would like to take this opportunity to thank someone who often comes to mind when I think of my own father: Mary Ann Childers.

Why do I think of the local Chicago news anchor when I think of my Dad?

It's a very odd story. I was the producer of the Steve and Garry show on WLUP, and we did a very special Christmas show one year--a full reading of the stage version of "A Christmas Carol" starring many local celebrities.

Among the celebrities present that day: Mary Ann Childers.

I don't remember what part Mary Ann played, but I remember that I cornered her backstage and asked her to do me a big favor. I told her that my father had a thing for her. He didn't say it was time to watch the news--he said it was time to watch Mary Ann. I asked if she would mind sending me an autographed picture of herself for Dad.

She seemed very flattered, but I really didn't expect her to do it. I figured she was a busy person and this was such a low priority that she probably wouldn't get around to it. That's probably why I was blown away when she sent me her promo picture with a personal note to my Dad saying... "It was a pleasure working with your son, Rick." The picture itself says "To Eckhard--Warmest Wishes for Christmas 1988. Mary Ann Childers."

I'll never forget how excited Dad was when he opened my present to him on Christmas Eve that year. I captured it on film...























Dad died six months later at the age of 54.

After he died I went to his office to clean out his things, and there she was, right in the middle of his desk: Mary Ann Childers. His co-workers told me that he joked with them about this picture all the time, saying that Mary Ann was his secret girlfriend.

Sunday is Father's Day. It's always a rough weekend for me. For the first twenty five years of my life, Father's Day weekend was a tribute to Dad. (And not just because it was Father's Day--it was his birthday too.) So, even now--seventeen years later, I struggle to enjoy Father's Day. I can't help thinking of Dad--and how much I miss him.

That's where Mary Ann Childers helps out.

When I don't want my sadness to ruin Father's Day for my kids, all I have to do is think of Mary Ann Childers. I remember how excited Dad was to get this picture from his "girlfriend," and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.

I've seen Mary Ann Childers a few times since Dad died--and I re-thanked her each time. Somehow I still don't think that's enough, so I'll say it again.

Thank You, Mary Ann.

One small gesture from you gave my Dad six months of enjoyment...and gave me seventeen years of comfort.

I'll never be able to repay you for that.

Jokes for a Monday Morning

1. Things a father will never say. (Contributed by "D")

"Can you turn up that music?"

"Go ahead and take my truck. Here's 50 bucks for gas."

"I LOVE your tattoo. We should both get new ones."

"Here, you take the remote."


2. Gift suggestions for Father's Day. (Contributed by "T")

Get him a book...











Get him a computer...












3. The next "Survivor" show. Contributed by "H"

6 men will be dropped on an island with 1 van and 4 kids for 6 weeks.

Each kid plays 2 sports and either takes music or dance classes and there is no access to fast food.

Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned home clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.

The men only have access to TV when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

There is only 1 TV between them and no remote.

The men must shave their legs and wear make-up daily, which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making 4 lunches.

They must attend weekly PTA meetings, clean up after their sick children at 3:00 AM, make an Indian hut model with 6 toothpicks, a tortilla, and 1 marker.

They must get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

The kids get to vote them off based on performance.

The winner gets to go back to work.

Media Profesionals Sound Off on Severance

I wanted to thank everyone who has been so kind about my new novel "$everance." It is getting excellent reviews and notices across the country, particularly from media professionals who would know whether or not this portrays an accurate picture of the current media landscape.

Listen to what they have to say...








"I think it’s a great, funny, sarcastic, entertaining and thought provoking book…that really shows how broadcasting has changed over the last few years.” --Rock and Roll Hall of Famer John Records Landecker
WZZN Radio


"It's about time somebody told this story. $everance certainly captured the world of radio, warts and all."
--Radio Hall of Famer Clark Weber


"Other than 'love', 'Severance' is the sweetest word in the English language. This really made me laugh."
--WGN Radio's Steve Cochran


"Told with the keen insight of a veteran insider, it's a humorous indictment of an industry that has lost all sense of purpose -- except for making money, of course."
--Chicago Sun Times media columnist Robert Feder


"A hysterical critique of corporate morality"
--Chicago Tribune's RedEye Columnist and WGN-TV Morning News Anchor Larry Potash


"I laughed out loud many times while reading it - yeah, it's that funny! If you work in the radio business you'll love the inside view of the industry and if you're not in the media you will certainly learn a lot of eye-opening trade secrets."
--WTMX Radio's Cara Carriveau


"I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so….and so does Severance."
--Rock105 Jacksonville's Patti Haze


"I was with it the whole way, and I love the appended real life figures at the end. I enjoyed the hell out of $everance."
--The Beachwood Reporter's Steve Rhodes


"Brilliant satire! I got a paper cut from the sarcasm. I wish I could say it was great fiction, but having worked in radio, I think it’s just really funny non-fiction. The reality in between the laughs will scare the hell out of you."
--Longtime radio personality and playwright Spike Manton


"Too bad Zagorski (the main character) is fictional. Today's media could use someone like him to shake things up. He's the personification of fairness with just enough wicked cynicism to make him completely irresistible. The thought that a team like Zagorski and Lawrence might actually exist should make some big bosses more than a little uneasy."
--Leslie Keiling, WGN Radio


"Rick Kaempfer’s “$everence” is whiplash-fast, choke-on-your-coffee funny, and ultimately frightening. Kaempfer has seen it all in the radio business, and has some dire predictions for the rest of the media, too. It’s the summer’s must-discuss beach read – and probably a sign of the apocalypse."
--Paige Wiser, Chicago Sun-Times columnist


"I began laughing almost immediately! The first paragraph alone made me feel like I was back at my first radio job trying to avoid doing anything remotely near the station’s break room! I absolutely LOVE the book! The plot twists and turns were totally unpredictable!"
--Darren Marlar
"Marlar in the Morning", 101-QFL


"Richard Kaempfer has peeled the lid off your favorite radio station and shown what's inside. $everance turns the radio business on its head and makes you laugh out loud, but it also asks some tough questions. A great read!"
--Reed Pence, Media Tracks


"Got this book and read it in one sitting. Fantastic. I'm realizing that I worked with - and for - most of the characters in this book!"
--Len O'Kelly, WFGR Morning Host


"It's a ripe satire that rips the media giants a new one. Kaempfer throws his rocks with a keen insight."
--Jeff Hoover, WGN-TV Morning News


"When a morning show producers position became available at the station where I’m working, I called Rick to let him know. He thanked me for the heads-up, but told me he wasn’t interested. He said “I’m a writer now.” After reading $everance, I understand. Rick’s a writer now."
--Stan Lawrence, WCKG Radio


"Veteran CHICAGO radio producer RICK KAEMPFER has taken his experience and crafted a hilarious satirical novel about the radio business."
--AllAccess.com (A radio industry website)

Suburban Man: Bad, Bad, Pre-School Dad

By Rick Kaempfer





I have some good points as a father. For the most part, my kids respond very well to my slightly unusual parenting techniques. I use a combination of "rub some dirt in it" tough love, a "don't take yourself too seriously" sense of fun, and a "I'm always here for you" style of communicating. I don't know if this approach would work with girls, but it works pretty well with my boys.

On the other hand, they are also incredibly aware of my weaknesses. (And I have many). When they're sick, for instance, they go to Mom. When they need something to be fixed, they go to Mom. And most of all, when they need to do a craft for school, they go to Mom.

I've previously written about my hatred of crafts. (I hate crafts) I hated them when I was their age, and I hate them now. I mean, I really, really hate them.

In pre-school it's customary for the parent who drops the children off to come in and help out during the monthly parties (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc). These parties combined my two least favorite things: Kid parties and crafts. It sounded like torture, so I never volunteered.

On the last day of school, the parents were all invited into the classroom to watch the kids sing a few songs they had learned. That's when I realized that I had been approaching this all wrong.

I realized it when I watched the pre-school moms taking pictures and filming their kids while I had completely forgotten my camera. I realized it when the other kids started handing year-end presents to the teacher, while I had completely forgotten that was the custom. I also realized it when I saw how excited Sean was to see me in the classroom. He didn't care about the camera or the present, he was just happy I was there.

After that eye-opening moment, I penned the following song, to the tune of "Bad Bad Leroy Brown"...

In the suburbs of Chicago,
The pre-school moms are mad,
So don’t say a word,
Or ask if they’ve heard
Of the man called Pre-school Dad

Now Pre-school Dad’s so crabby,
Says “Hey man, I don’t do crafts,”
And on the last day of school, this Pre-school fool,
Forgot to take photographs,

And he’s bad, bad, Preschool Dad,
The baddest dad that the preschool’s had,
Construction paper hates him too,
He’s even hated by the stick of glue.

At pick-up time at pre-school,
The pre-school moms all chat,
But Preschool Dad, in a baseball hat,
He don’t get involved with that,
He don’t plan no kiddie birthdays,
He don’t volunteer in class,
Forgot the teacher’s gift, finally got the drift,
Realized he was an ass,

And he’s bad, bad, Preschool Dad,
The baddest Dad that the preschool’s had,
Construction paper hates him too,
He’s even hated by the stick of glue

By the way, I did send the teachers a gift in the mail (accompanied by a hand-made craft from Sean).

Next year is Sean's last year of pre-school. It's not too late to repent.

Chicago Radio Spotlight: Bob Stroud

Once a week, I talk to a current or former Chicago radio personality for a feature I call: Chicago Radio Spotlight.







Bob Stroud has been a fixture on the Chicago radio dial for almost 30 years. Bob is currently the midday jock on WDRV 97.1 FM, The Drive and hosts “Rock and Roll Roots” every Sunday morning between 7-10 a.m.




CHICAGO RADIO-OGRAPHY

WMET-FM (Production & “Rock and Roll Roots”)
WLUP-FM (“Rock and Roll Roots” and production, then mid-days)
WCKG-FM (mid-days)
WLUP-AM (Production Director, “Rock and Roll Roots”)
CD-94.7 (mid-days, “Rock and Roll Roots”)
WLS-AM (Specials)
WXRT-FM (“Rock and Roll Roots”)
WDRV-FM (mid-days, “Rock and Roll Roots”)



Rick: When people think of Bob Stroud, they think of “Rock and Roll Roots” I don’t think I’ve ever heard the story of how that show originated.

Bob: In May of 1980 I was working at WMET (95.5 FM) as the production director. MET's general manager Bruce Holberg and I used to hang out in the hallways and talk about the great old records we loved. He was from Philly and grew up listening to those big time Philly top-40 jocks and I grew up in Kalamazoo listening to those great Chicago top-40 jocks. We both had such a passion for those rock and roll songs from the 60s, but nobody played them anywhere. Bruce thought it would be a good idea to do a show of rock oldies as opposed to the Fabian, Shelly Fabres-type oldies, and we were just about to put the show on the air when the Loop announced they were hiring Dick Biondi to do the same thing on the same start date. I remember feeling totally deflated. But when we went on the air with Roots, people liked it, and I got such a kick out of doing it. I got to play whatever I wanted. It was great.

Rick: Dick Biondi was on the Loop?

Bob: Not for long. It didn’t work out for him there.

Rick: You mentioned those great top-40 jocks. Who were the guys that you really listened to when you were a kid?

Bob: Well, actually, it was probably Dick Biondi on WLS. The first time I heard him, I thought, wow. ‘He is soooo wild!’ And for the time, he really was. From 1962-1966, I was devoted to WLS. Then I discovered WCFL, and Ron Brittain. In the late 60s he was hands-down the most entertaining, the most cutting-edge jock in the business.

Rick: Then it must have been a big deal for you when you came to work in Chicago yourself.

Bob: Oh, it was. I was working in Sarasota Florida before that, and Bob Coburn was the PD at WMET. He flew me up to Chicago for an interview. I told my boss in Florida about it, and he gave me the worst advice of my radio career. He said, “Now, Bob, this is the big city—you better clean yourself up. Get a haircut. Buy some nice clothes.” So I did. When I landed in Chicago I was met at the airport by a guy with shoulder-length hair, wearing a satin radio jacket and jeans. I thought “Oh great.” When I got to WMET, everybody looked at me like, “Who’s the geek?” I knew right away that this was a badass station. It had an attitude that was totally catchy. The general manager of the radio station, Harvey Pearlman, was walking up and down the hallways holding an empty bottle of vodka, screaming “TAKE NO PRISONERS!”

Rick: Holy crap.

Bob: I know. It was something.

Rick: So how did you end up at the Loop?

Bob: Well, in 1983, WMET fired everybody on staff except me. They wanted me to stay on and do production, but it just didn’t feel right. I got an offer in Philly and moved there for awhile.

Rick: Did you like Philly?

Bob: Hated it. They don’t even sell beer in grocery stores there. Can you believe it?

Rick: (laughs) So the Loop called you at the right time?

Bob: Yes. Greg Solk (The Loop’s PD at the time) called me, and said they had done some research in the market and discovered that people missed “Rock and Roll Roots” and asked if I would consider recording it in Philly and sending it to him.

Rick: On reel to reel tape?

Bob: (chuckles) Yes. So that’s what I did. After a few months, in April of 1984, they asked me to come back to Chicago fulltime and replace Matt Bisbee in the production department (Bisbee had been moved to middays at the time). I jumped at the chance. Not too long after that, Biz and I switched places, and I started doing Lunchtime Roots in addition to the weekend shows. That lasted almost ten years.

Rick: And those are some pretty memorable years. How would you describe the vibe at the Loop during the 80s and early 90s?

Bob: Dangerous. At any given moment anything at all could happen. One day, Tom Thayer and Steve McMichael came into the studio and duct-taped Kevin Matthews to a chair. While Thayer rolled Kevin down Michigan Avenue, McMichael literally took over the show. Stuff like that happened all the time. Remember the time Wiser was sent out to be a rodeo clown by Brandmeier? I can still hear him in that barrel at the rodeo… “Johnny, I’m not kidding around here! This isn’t funny!” The stuff that you producers had to go through was unbelievable.

Rick: Would you consider that the classic Loop era?

Bob: There were two classic Loop eras. The first one was the one in the late 70s and early 80s—with Steve & Garry, Mitch Michaels, and Sky Daniels. Those guys were the kings of Chicago at the time. The second classic Loop era was the mid-80s through the early 90s, and I’m really proud to have been a part of it. Think of all the talent we had there at one time—Brandmeier, Steve & Garry, Kevin Matthews, Bobby Skafish, Patti Haze, my God, the list goes on and on.

Rick: After you left the Loop in 1993, and before you started on the Drive in 2001, you bounced all over the radio dial.

Bob: Yeah, my first stop was WCKG. Not one of my favorite places. I was there for about a year and a half, and it was very formatted and strict. I do have a good exit story from there though. I had just finished my 12:50 break one day. I came out of the commercials and introduced Rod Stewart’s “Maggie Mae,” when the PD came into the studio followed by a girl holding her headphones. He said: “Bob, Mike Disney needs to see you—bring your headphones with you.” I thought “I know that wasn’t exactly a hall of fame break, but c’mon…” When I got to Disney’s office (the GM), he closed the door behind me. “Sorry about this Bob, but we hired Howard Stern to do mornings, and we’re moving Patti Haze to mid-days, so you’re the odd man out.”

Rick: Just like that? During the show?

Bob: Yes. During the show.

Rick: Who was the girl with the headphones?

Bob: Her name was Patti Pietch, and she later worked with me at CD 94.7. Every time I saw her, I said—“Oh no, not you again. Is it all over?”

Rick: Was she there when you were fired there too?

Bob: (laughs) No. I was fired during a taping of “Rock and Roll Roots.” I still remember the show I was doing--a time warp to 1966. Bill Gamble (the program director) walked in and told me that they were going to an all-80s format and I wouldn’t fit in.

Rick: But you were one of the biggest names in Chicago in the 80s…

Bob: (laughs) I did think it was ridiculous that he thought I couldn’t do an 80s format.

Rick: Now before the Bob Stroud story has a happy ending at the Drive, you also worked at a few other stations—WXRT and WLS.

Bob: I was at XRT for seven weeks, doing “Rock and Roll Roots” on the weekends. The WLS thing was actually a big thrill for me. Mike Elder, the PD, was a good guy, and he let me do rock and roll specials and “Roots” there. It was such a thrill to say the call letters WLS. That was the first station I listened to as a kid.

Rick: You seem really happy now at the Drive.

Bob: I don’t want to sound like I’m drinking the Kool-Aid, but it’s really great here. This (Bonneville) is the best company I’ve ever worked for—they really take care of their people, and make sure you have the best tools to do your job. The other day they had a consultant in here asking us what they could do to make the experience of working for the company more pleasurable. Can you imagine that? They actually care.

Rick: Wow.

Bob: Yeah, I know.

Rick: And you were the first voice on the Drive. Do you remember the first song the station played?

Bob: It was Lake Shore Drive by Alliota Haynes & Jeremiah. But the first song I mentioned on the air was the last song of the set. Greg Solk scheduled “Hello It’s Me” by Todd Rundgren, because he knows I love Todd--and obviously that was an appropriate song.

Rick: And now you’re #1 in your timeslot.

Bob: I really give the credit to Greg Solk. This station was his vision. He really did his homework, and was right on the money. Our delivery is totally unique. We don’t do promotions of any kind—it’s all about the music, and the listeners have really responded to that.

Rick: I know that you’re a music lover. Are there any bands outside of your format that you like to listen to in your spare time?

Bob: I really love Joni Mitchell. She has always been one of my favorites. I’m also a big fan of Elvis Costello. I finally get Frank Sinatra, too. My parents loved him, but it took me many years to get that. As for the new bands out there, my favorite is probably Fountains of Wayne.

Rick: One last thing before I let you go. I read that congratulations are in order. Something about “heading for the alter”?

Bob: It seems as though a certain gossip columnist was fed a line of hooey concerning my impending marital status. I am currently not "heading for the alter" as was indicated in his well researched column. Although if and when the time comes, Miss Totura and myself will be working on the concept of having Susanna Homan and Tom Negovan included as part of a double nuptual ceremony.


If you missed any previous Chicago Radio Spotlights, click here: http://chicagoradiospotlight.blogspot.com

New York, New York

This weekend I'm in New York on "$everance" related business.



I have, however, left you with a few things to read while I'm gone.


This is only my third trip to New York. My first trip to New York occured in 1999, when I won a national writing contest. The grand prize was a trip a to New York to tour publishing houses and meet best-selling authors. To read all about that trip (which eventually led to my writing career), click here: The Man with the World's Longest Name


Larry Potash of WGN-TV writes a column for the Chicago Tribune's Red Eye every Friday. This week it's about my book $everance: How to get back at an annoying boss


The latest Chicago Radio Spotlight has already been posted. This week I interviewed the Drive's Bob Stroud.


There are only a few more days of school left this year. You know what that means...the return of The Fight Board!

Suburban Man: Ode to a City Mom

By Rick Kaempfer





This is Kim Strickland.










When we met each other in college more than *cough* twenty five years ago, we had no idea that we'd still be friends well into our 40s. At the time, Kim was anchoring the afternoon news on my WPGU-Urbana radio show. We became pretty good friends during our time at the radio station, and started hanging out together.

We somehow managed to stay in touch in the years since we graduated, even though we followed such different career paths. Kim went on to become a pilot for United Airlines, and I went on to become a radio host and producer. Even though we saw each other several times a year for more than twenty years, neither of us had any idea that both of us had the same hidden secret: We wanted to be writers.

We know it now. In fact, now we're living eerily parallel lives.

Both of us got married and had kids. Both of us write humor columns about the challenges of raising boys (she has two, I have three). My column is called "Suburban Man" and her column is called "City Mom."

And now, in the strangest twist of fate, both of our debut novels are being released within a few weeks of each other. My novel "Severance" was released a few weeks ago (which you know all too well because it has been shamelessly and relentlessly hyped on this blog).

Kim's novel "Wish Club" is being released today, and I would be remiss if I didn't give it a big plug.

I've read it, and I think it's fabulous. Don't take my word for it, though. Read what these other authors are saying about it...

“Wish Club is a magical delight–a fun, witty read. I hope to see more from Kim Strickland!”
–Candace Havens, author of Charmed and Dangerous

Ever wanted something … more from your life? Then you'll want to get to know the women in Wish Club. Whether you're wishing for a man (or a better one), a baby, a more meaningful career, or simply more time to yourself, you'll find the women in this book relatable, realistic, and refreshing. With a surprising twist that makes you wonder, Wish Club is an engrossing, entertaining read about women and the importance–and power–of female relationships.
–Kelly James-Enger, author of Did you Get The Vibe? and White Bikini Panties

"A truly enchanting read! I was bespelled by Wish Club from the first page to the last. Kim Strickland is simply magic!"
–Tate Hallaway author of Dead Sexy

“Strickland weaves a heartwarming tale of friendship, love and magic–she hits all the right notes with Wish Club.”
–Cara Lockwood, author of I Do (But I Don't)

Kim is the real deal, and I'm positive that "Wish Club" will be a huge success. If you want to meet her, and you live in the Chicago, she'll be at the Borders at Clark and Diversey on Tuesday June 5th at 7:30pm, and Transitions Bookplace at North and Sheffield on Tuesday June 26th at 7:30.

I'm hoping to make it out there for one or both of those events. Hope to see you there.

In the meantime, buy Kim's book. I know you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but whoever said that, never saw how cool her cover is...















By the way, if you want to read more of Kim's writing, she has been a guest blogger for me several times. It seems like a fitting way to end this Ode to a City Mom. I know you'll love her guest blogging contributions as much as I did...
"City Mom" (debut column)
"Education Mom"
"Mother's Day"
"Al's"
"Time Sinks"
"Parking"

Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day. Jokes for a Monday Morning returns next week.

Press and Praise for $everance

I wanted to thank everyone who has been so kind about my new novel "$everance." It is getting excellent reviews and notices across the country.

Next weekend I'll be in New York spreading the word further, but thanks to the following people and publications for helping me so far...








John Records Landecker and Shore Magazine

Robert Feder and the Chicago Sun Times

Ted Cox and The Daily Herald (article no longer available on-line)

Cara's Basement (PODCAST)

Steve Cochran and WGN Radio (Podcast not yet available online)

The Stan & Terry Show on WCKG (Podcast not yet available online)

AllAccess.com

"The Ministry of Truth" radio show on WHPK 88.5 FM

Scripps Journalism School at Ohio University

Crow On Chicago

Chicagoland Radio & Media

Dan Kelley's Classic Rock FM

Chicago Radio & TV

Dave Martin's N=1

Larry Shannon’s RadioDailyNews

The Beachwood Reporter

The Illinois Entertainer

Willyritch.com

Chicago Media Action

The Illini Media Alumni Club

Bob Dearborn’s RadioNotes (Subscription only)

Half Empty: 21st Century Dioramas

They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.





By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern




You remember the diorama, those mini landscapes in a shoebox that you were forced to build for school? Sadly, the technological revolution has all but killed our pal. Inexplicably, kids these days don’t enjoy pipe cleaners, crepe paper, glue and little plastic horses as much as we did. They still have to do dioramas, but they don’t revel in them because they’d rather do projects on their fancy-schmancy computers.

This has got to end. That’s why we’ve created a couple of easy to build dioramas that will make the diorama more relevant for today’s kids. Unplug the Play Stations, turn off the iPods and grab the kids, it’s time for some family fun Half Empty style.

1) Paris Hilton’s Adventure
(supplies needed: shoebox, 1 toothpick, 1 marshmallow, 10 pipe cleaners and “Cellmate Barbie”)

Create Paris by inserting toothpick into marshmallow (the marshmallow is her head). Arrange and glue pipe cleaners to form a jail cell. Pose “Cellmate Barbie” behind Paris.

2) Tom Cruise’s 9th Level of Hell
(supples: shoebox, computer, internet access, old antidepressant prescription bottles)

Ok, so you need to go get the computer, sorry. Download cutout of Tom Cruise. Print doll and glue him in the middle of the box. Fill box with empty prescription bottles. Inserting ax wielding Brooke Shields is optional.

3) Heather Mill’s Wind “fall”
(supplies: Piano box, Dancing Barbie Doll, $32,000,000 in cash)

Rip the left leg off the Barbie doll. Paint a cheesy television dance floor set on cardboard. Fill box with cash.

4) Don Imus and Michael Richards job prospects
(supplies: shoebox, nothing else)

5) Robert Downey Jr’s Dresser Drawer
(supplies: shoebox, large amount of white powdery substance like sugar or flour)

Fill entire shoe box with substance.

6) Chicago Cubs World Series Chances
(supplies: orange crepe paper, Styrofoam ball)

Cover inside of box with orange crepe paper, to create an inferno effect. Tape “snowball” to bottom of the box.

If you have any other ideas, email us and we’ll post them. We bet you never knew we were so artistic. By the way, Rick is resting comfortably after slicing his finger off on the Tom Cruise doll.


If you missed any previous Half Empty columns, click here: http://halfemptyarchive.blogspot.com