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20 Years--Back in the DDR excerpt

 

This year marks my 20th year as a professional writer. Over the course of 2024, I'll be sharing a few of those offerings you may have missed along the way.

This week was National Fast Food day, which seems like a good time to feature an excerpt from my novel "Back in the DDR"

This chapter features an ode to fast food, through the eyes of a 13-year-old boy. 

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Here Comes The Son

 

Because Debbie had to be back in Munich for the start of her summer school classes, we made the trek from Romania to Munich in one very long day. It was a 13-hour drive. Luckily, this time we didn’t get stuck by any cow-crossings.

I must admit, there was only thing I really missed on this vacation (other than flushing toilets): the title game of the European Championship, West Germany vs. Czechoslovakia. That game happened while we were in Romania, and there were zero televisions in the town. One of Dad’s childhood buddies heard on the radio that West Germany lost to Czechoslovakia in penalty kicks. Uli Hoeneß missed for the Germans.

               Speaking of the radio, I kept asking Dad to find a music radio station, but there was nothing. We did hear a few weird sounding foreign songs, and the ABBA song “Fernando” about a thousand times, but that was it. The event the entire continent seemed to be following was Wimbledon. We heard about it in all the Communist countries during our travels. The Romanian Ilie Nastase had made it all the way to the finals against Bjorn Borg. Mom and Debbie said they wanted to watch that match if possible. It’s going to be on television tomorrow. Debbie’s dorm gets AFN-TV, so we’ll hopefully be able to watch it in English. That wasn’t the case for the women’s final. Chris Evert was facing Yvonne Goolagong during our drive, and we listened to it on the radio…in Serbian. You haven’t lived until you’ve listened to a tennis match on the radio in a foreign language. I’m pretty sure Chris Evert won.

               As we drove into Munich, I made an incredible discovery. I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes. There it was in all its glory, the Golden Arches, the Giant M. An actual, real, honest-to-goodness McDonald’s.

               “Dad, dad, dad,” I said, pointing to it. “Pull over, pull over, pull over. They have a McDonald’s here.”

               He laughed, thinking I was joking. I most certainly was not.

               “I haven’t had McDonald’s this whole year!” I said.

               “Your stomach thanks you,” Dad replied.

               “Dad,” I said, getting serious. “You can’t deny me a Big Mac. If you have a heart in your body, you will pull over at this restaurant. Oh my God, I can smell the fries. The fries, Dad! The fries!”

               “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt,” Mom said.

               “The boy is hungry,” Oma agreed. If there was food to be eaten by me, Oma was on board.

               “We can go there later,” Dad said. “First we need to check into our hotel.”

               I made a mental note of the path we took from there. By my estimations, our hotel was about ten blocks away from the best fries in the world. Ten blocks away from a burger with special sauce on a sesame seed bun. Ten blocks away from America.

               While Mom and Oma each checked into their rooms and secured a cot for me in Mom and Dad’s room, Dad drove Debbie back to her dorm, and Opa found a beer garden to have a Paulaner Pils. Meanwhile, I waited impatiently in the lobby. This was ridiculous. Where was the urgency, people? There was a syrupy Coca-Cola waiting to wash down a burger with three pieces of bread. That’s one extra piece of bread! How long was I supposed to stay away from that kind of American culinary vision? After about five minutes, I couldn’t wait any longer. I looked in my wallet. Ten Deutsch Marks. That’s plenty. Off I went. I figured I’d be back before anyone even noticed I was gone.

               I took two turns before I got to Martin-Luther-Strasse, home of what could very well be the only McDonald’s in all of West Germany. As soon as I walked into the lobby, and smelled that heavenly smell, I was transported back in time and place: to Chicago, after one of my soccer games, having a Big Mac as a reward. It tasted just as good here. So did the fries. The only real difference I saw was that they had beer on the menu. I stuck with the Coke.

               I cannot tell you how good it was. I took the Coke with me, figuring I could show it to my family, after I returned to the hotel. I pictured holding it up and saying, “While you people were lollygagging, I was paying tribute to the country of my birth.”

               Unfortunately, I might have been thinking about what I was going to say a little more than I was paying attention where I was walking. It didn’t really hit me that I was lost until I drained the last sip from my coke. I had been walking much longer than I did on the way there. When I crossed a bridge, I knew for certain I was hopelessly lost. I hadn’t even seen a bridge on the way to McDonalds. To make matters worse, I didn’t remember the name of my hotel, or the name of the street.

               I had been in Munich before, so I figured I should just keep on walking until I saw something I recognized, like the main train station, or the University of Maryland campus. After another fifteen minutes of aimless meandering, I came across a big park. I walked through the park and passed the beer garden near the Chinese tower, hoping to see Opa having a beer. No dice. So I kept on walking. I saw signs for the Englisher Garten. Might as well go there.

               Let me tell you something about the Englisher Garten in Munich. It’s in the middle of the city. It’s a big park. And nobody there wears a stitch of clothing. Nude. Totally Nude. Everyone except for me. I’ve never gotten out of a place faster than that. I know it sounds great to see nude people, but trust me, you don’t want to see what I saw. I think it will be burned into my mind forever. Some people really, really, really need to keep their clothes on.

               I had now been gone a good hour, and I knew I was going to be in big trouble. When I got out of the park, I started following the signs to the Altstadt. Knowing Dad, our hotel had to be in the oldest part of town. I walked by a phone booth and noticed a giant phone book hanging from a metal chord. I leafed through the phone book’s hotel section. Nothing sounded familiar. But one of the logos looked familiar. It was a lion, like the lion in the Löwenbrau logo.

               “That’s it!”

               I asked an old woman how to find the hotel, and she told me that I was nowhere near it. She recommended that I get a taxi to take me there. I knew I didn’t really have enough money to pay for a taxi, but I figured the taxi driver didn’t know that, so I flagged down a cream-colored Mercedes Taxi, and gave him the address.

               When we got near the hotel, I heard the “neener-neener” sounds of police vehicles. Something was obviously happening near our hotel. In fact, the cab driver couldn’t get within a block of it. The police had closed down the street.

               “I have to drop you off here,” he said. He clicked off the meter.

               “I don’t have enough money,” I explained. “I was going to go into the hotel and get the rest of the money from my parents.”

               “We can’t get there,” he said. “The police have the street blocked off.”

               “I know. I’m sorry.”

               “How much do you have?” he asked.

               I gave him every last Pfennig in my wallet. It was still well short.

               “It’s illegal to get in a cab, kid,” he told me, “If you don’t have any money.”

               I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. Boy had I screwed this up.

               “Get out,” he said.

               I didn’t need to be told twice. I was on the sidewalk in a second. The cab angrily peeled out.

               Luckily, the sidewalk wasn’t blocked off by police, so I walked past the flashing lights, and headed toward the lobby of the hotel. I was bracing myself for the grounding of all groundings. There was a very good chance I wouldn’t see the sunshine again for the rest of the year.

The police were in the lobby of the hotel. I walked past them and went right to the front desk.

               “Do you know the room number for Helga and Fritz Sieger?” I asked.

               The eyes of the front desk lady nearly bugged out of her head.

               “Officer!” she screamed. She pointed to me, and the German police officer came running over to me. He started speaking into the radio attached to his bullet-proof vest.

               “Yes, he’s here. I have him in custody.”

               What? The cab driver couldn’t have already called the cops.

               “Do you have his parents?” the cop said into his radio.

               “Yes, they are with me. We are on our way back.”

               “I’ll hold him in custody here until you return,” my cop said. “He won’t get away again.”

               Every person in that lobby was staring at me. This was worse than the water balloons hitting the Colonel’s wife. I was in deep doo-doo this time. Nevertheless, despite the unwelcome attention, and the scary bulletproof vests, I held it together. It wasn’t until I saw my mom walk in through the front door that I started to lose it a little bit. She had obviously been crying. Dad looked like a basket case too.

               Mom nearly broke me when she hugged me.

“Oh my God,” she said. “Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. We thought that you had been kidnapped.”

               “Why would anyone kidnap me?” I asked.

               “Where were you?” Dad asked.

               “I got lost,” I said.

               “Going where?” he asked.

               “Coming back to the hotel,” I said.

               “From where?” he asked.

               I couldn’t make eye contact with him because I knew what he was going to think.

               “McDonald’s,” I said.

               The police officer chuckled.

Mom and Dad did not.

I had disappointed them again.

Studio Walls--November 20, 2024

 

A weekly update/preview of my latest podcasts, and a look back at some of my previous audio work from this week in history over the past 40+ years.

November 17, 1964—Beatles release "I’m a Loser"

=Buckinghams guitarist Carl Giammerese talked to us about his band's hit-making cover of the Beatles classic.  

November 17, 1973—"Heartbeat is a Lovebeat" hits #1. 

=We interviewed the lead singer of the song, Tony Defranco 

November 18—Mickey Mouse Day. 

=In 2002, Johnny Kaempfer reviewed of Mickey’s Magical Christmas on the John Landecker show. 

November 18--Kevin Nealon birthday

=My brush with Kevin story is told in this episode. 

November 18, 1983—Christmas Story released. 

=We interviewed the kid who played Scut Farkus: Zach Ward. 

November 19, 1995—Toy Story released.

=Debbi Derryberry is the voice of the aliens. Cool story of how that came to be is told in this interview. 

November 19, 2021—Mick Rock passes away

=We interviewed the legendary rock photographer just a year or two before he passed. The link to that interview is below.

November 20, 2010—First class inducted in Chicago Literary Hall of Fame.

=CLHOF Founder Don Evans gave us minutia about some of the Hall of Famers 

November 20--Joe Walsh birthday

=My Joe Walsh story is told in this episode.  

November 20--Bo Derek birthday

=My Bo Derek story is told in this episode. 

November 21, 1985—Feud of Steve & Garry/Larry Lujack live on the air.

=Catherine Johns witnessed some of the mayhem and told us about it. 

November 21—Harold Ramis birthday

=He cut an audio ad for our AMISH Chicago Advertising firm.

November 21, 2021—Tribune profiles Ugly Buildings Tour with Mike.

=That article inspired us to interview him.  

November 21, 1931—Release date of “Frankenstein” 

=Boris Karloff's daughter Sara came on the show to tell us all about her father, the star of that film. This week also marks the birthday of both father & daughter (November 23)

November 21, 1874—Aston Villa founded 

November 21, 1885—Southampton founded

(Two more reasons to listen to this...)

November 22--Mick Rock birthday

=The late great rock photographer had some incredible stories. 

November 22--Howard Sudberry birthday

=We interviewed Howard in this episode. :

November 22—Rodney Dangerfield birthday. 

=Comedian Larry Reeb told us a memorable story about his comedy pal Rodney. 

Publishing Portal--November 19, 2024

The latest news from Eckhartz Press, and a chance to peek into some of the great previous offerings from our humble little publishing company.

Happy Birthday!

=Randy Richardson has written three books for Eckhartz Press, Cheeseland, Lost in the Ivy, and Cubsessions. This week is his birthday (November 21). Have a great one, Randy!

=Fellow author Robert Walker is also celebrating a birthday this week (November 17). Here's what Walker had to say about Randy's novel Cheeseland...

• Cheeseland’ is a novel that touches the reader; a novel about life, death, and how we choose to live our lives…how we want the dash between the dates on our tombstone to resonate.

  Robert Walker, author of "Titanic 2012", "Bismark 2013", and "Children of Salem"

Worth a Second Look

=Thanks to everyone who came out to Eric Litt's book launch party last Tuesday night in Skokie. Great crowd. Enthusiastic support for a fun book about movies you might have missed the first time around. (Photo: Eric and Eckhartz Press co-publisher David Stern)

=Eric also joined Minutia Men to discuss his book on their podcast this week. Fun interview is here.

 I Bear Witness

=Next up, we have another launch party scheduled for Dan McNeil's new book I Bear Witness. Dan will be at Bridges in Griffith Indiana signing and selling his book. The date is November 30th. The time is 1-4pm. Join us for an afternoon of fun and football.

=Dan had a nice moment this week when he finally got to hold that first copy of his book in his hand. 

=This week is also Caleb Williams birthday (November 18). The perils facing the rookie QB gets a whole chapter in Dan's new book. What else in the book? Here's a good primer.

The Flip Side

=Our newest book, The Flip Side, is coming out in a few weeks, but is already available for pre-order. One of the great features of this book is the incredible selection of photographs. There are nearly a hundred photos from those heady rock and roll days. The cover photo of the original store is a great example. So is this photo from this week (November 19) of Tommy Shaw doing an in-store appearance at The Flip Side, and the illustration of this week's birthday boy (November 23), Flip Side's Mr. Cheap, Jeff Schwartz.

  

 

To the Men I've Loved

=Are you part of a book club? Remember that most Eckhartz Press authors are happy to come to your book club if it can fit into their schedules. For instance, To the Men I've Loved author Pat Motto just did a book club recently. There's nothing like getting a chance to speak to the author directly.

 =One of the men mentioned in Patricia Motto's book To the Men I've Loved is former White Sox (and later Cub) player Jay Johnstone. (Jay was born this week-- November 20, 1945). This photo of Pat with Jay and Wilbur Wood is in the book. Note the autograph from Jay...

Staying Alive is a Lot of Work

=Author Pat Camalliere was interviewed by David W. Berner for his podcast The Writer's Shed. Pat has transcribed the conversation here on her blog.

The Loop Files

=Last year at this time the publicity machine was beginning to roll for The Loop Files. One of the stars of that book, Steve Dahl, is celebrating a birthday this week (November 20).  Happy birthday to the Radio Hall of Famer. Here's a few bonus pictures of Steve (with Jim Belushi and John Belushi) that didn't make it into the book. (Photos by Paul Natkin)

Life Behind the Camera

 =This week in 2013 (November 18), Chuck Quinzio had the book launch party for his book Life Behind the Camera. A Who's Who of Chicago television news attended the function in Mount Prospect. Here's a sampling of them...Dane Placko, Dick Kay, Joanie Lum, Paul Meinke, Phil Rodgers.

Behind the Glass

=This week in 2021 (November 18), Randy Merkin had his book launch party as well. In his case it was a Who's Who of Sports Radio that attended. Here's a sampling of them...Jonathan Hood, Tom Waddle, Marc Silverman (with Eckhartz Press co-publisher Rick Kaempfer).

   

 

=A few people mentioned in Randy's book are celebrating birthdays this week, David Kaplan (November 19) and Carlos Boozer (November 20)

   

We Have Company

=This week in 2016, Bobby Skafish was on the road promoting his book We Have Company. He made an appearance on the Northwest Side of Chicago (November 17), and also traveled to his home state of Indiana (November 19). 

 

 

Hugh Hefner's First Funeral

=This week in 2015 (November 23), Pat Colander had a book signing at her friend Bruce Elliot's great bar, Old Town Ale House. If you've never been, you owe yourself a visit. The artwork on the walls is all original work by Bruce himself. You can see a sampling of it behind Lois Berger, Pat Colander, and Bruce Elliot in the photo below...

Chili Dog MVP

=This week in 2021 (November 17), Chili Dog MVP writers John Owens and Dr. David Fletcher got some great news about their book. Robert Feder reported the news in the Daily Herald...

A new book about the late Chicago White Sox legend Dick Allen has just been optioned for a documentary film. Chili Dog MVP: Dick Allen, The 1972 White Sox and a Transforming Chicago, soon to be published by Chicago-based Eckhartz Press, was written by John Owens and Dr. David Fletcher and edited by veteran sportswriter, baseball historian and author George Castle. (Here is the link to order.) “We look back at this unique time in Chicago history, when the arrival of a controversial slugger lifted the Sox out of a daunting hole and united a fractious fan base during a time when Chicago was going through tremendous changes,” said Owens, a longtime producer and president of the Chicago/Midwest chapter of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. 

 

EveryCubEver

=We could feature EveryCubEver every week (someone in that book is celebrating a birthday every day), but we choose to be a bit more judicious. This week (November 18), Cubs radio announcer (and former Cub) Ron Coomer is celebrating a birthday. A few years ago he was kind enough to invite Eckhartz Press authors Rick Kaempfer and Bobby Skafish into the booth during a game. This photo is now in the book, EveryCubEver...

=A copy of the book now resides in the booth...

 Doin the Cruise

=This week in 2017 (November 19), Mitch Michaels appeared at the Chicagoland Record Show to promote his book Doin' The Cruise. Who did he run into there? Fellow author, rock star Jim Peterik. Jim is actually mentioned in Mitch's book. Small world.

Mob Adjacent

=This week in 2019, Larry Potash from Channel 9 did an entire feature about Mob Adjacent authors Michael & Jeff Gentile for his show Back Story. You can still see it here. 

Your Dime My Dance Floor

=The best quarterback in Chicago history, Sid Luckman, was born this week (November 21) in 1916. He was a frequent guest on Chet Coppock's radio show, so naturally when it came time for Chet to write a book, Sid was one of the featured athletes.

Records Truly Is My Middle Name

=Every Baby Boomer can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing on November 22, 1963, the day that John F. Kennedy was assassinated. John Landecker is no different. He tells the story in his book Records Truly Is My Middle Name. Here's the free excerpt from the book. 

 

Grace's Rockin Roll Adventure

=This week (November 22) is Steven Van Zandt's birthday. The E-Street Band guitarist collaborated with Eckhartz Press author Ken Korber to put out Grace's Rockin' Roll Adventure. The adventure is a trip to see Little Steven perform. Here's what the subject of the book had to say about it...

• “We’ve reached hundreds of thousands of students with our free online curriculum, but we know there are kids without devices or good wifi, and that even if they have both, that remote learning is hardest on the youngest students. That’s why we’re doing this book the old-fashioned way, on paper!”

  Little Steven Van Zandt, on his successful teachrock.org initiative

The Living Wills

=This week in 2011 (November 22), Robert Feder wrote a piece in Time Out Chicago about our first book ever, The Living Wills. This is what he wrote...

“Two former Chicago radio producers, Rick Kaempfer and Brendan Sullivan, have co-written The Living Wills, a novel about “a split-second decision made 30 years ago and the ripple effects it caused.” Harnessing the power of collaborative creativity, the two improvised the book’s three interweaving story lines. Set for release December 1 by Eckhartz Press, it’s available online at eckhartzpress.com. Kaempfer, whose previous novel, $everance, was a brilliant satire about the radio business, also writes an impressive series of blogs, including the Chicago Radio Spotlight.”

Close Encounters of a Chicago Kind

=Notice the blurb on the cover of The Living Wills above. It's recommended by Chicago Tribune writer Rick Kogan. That was in 2011. This week in 2022 (November 22), Rick also wrote a wonderful piece in the Tribune about Vicki Quade and her Eckhartz Press book Close Encounters of a Chicago Kind. You can read it here. (Photo: Rick Kogan and Vicki Quade)

Nose Over Toes

=Illinois Congressman Sean Casten is celebrating a birthday this week (November 23). Sean has met with Eckhartz Press author Janet Sutherland to talk about her support of Brain Aneurysm research. Casten even gave Janet an award at this year's Brain Aneurysm walk.

Always a Pleasure

=This week in 2022 (November 23), The Northwest Indiana Times featured Chuck Swirsky and his Eckhartz Press book, Always a Pleasure. You can read it here.