Warning: This one is NOT for all-ages. If you're easily offended, don't read on. Contributed by "DS"...
Ted buys a Harley. The seller tells him, "whenever it looks like it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome so it won't rust." And he hands Ted a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. So they take the bike, but just before they go in to her parents' house, she says: "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"Okay", he says.
Sure enough, after they sit down, no one says a word. As dinner goes on, Ted decides to test the situation, so he reaches over and grabs his girlfriend's chest. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, rips her clothes off, and has his way with her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word. So he grabs the mom, and does the same to her, then sits down. But still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Ted remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket and stands up.
The father shouts: "Alright, already, alright!
I'll do the dishes!"
