My Minutia Men podcast co-host (and Eckhartz Press co-publisher) Dave Stern and I wrote a humor column together for three years in the late 00s.
Today, on Valentine's Day, I thought I'd pull out this one for the married-for-many-years celebrants. It's called "Ten Ways to Make Your Wife Laugh"
The following is the natural comedic arc of a relationship between a man and a woman.
1. She falls in love with you because you make her laugh.
2. She marries you.
3. She begins to roll her eyes.
4. She begs you not to tell a joke again.
5. She intentionally ruins your punch lines at cocktail parties.
6. She says "When will you grow up?"
Ah, love. Don’t feel bad if the above seven step process describes you perfectly. It happens to every man after a few years of marriage. When a wife gets to know her husband a little better, he becomes less and less funny. If you talked to Jerry Seinfeld’s wife she would say the same thing.
It's really not her fault. You tell the same jokes. By the third year of your marriage she's heard every single one of them. Plus, now she's hearing those jokes from the guy who leaves his dirty socks on the floor even though he's constantly being asked to "pick up those disgusting socks." It's inevitable. No one is to blame. It's the way God planned it.
So what can a man (who was chosen as a husband primarily because of his ability to amuse) do to keep his wife laughing? Between the two of us we have sixty years of marital experience.
Unfortunately, here is the comprehensive list of things a husband (of more than a few years) can say to his wife to make her laugh.
So is that it? Your wife is never going to laugh again? Sure she will. She just won't laugh at anything you say. But you know what will make her laugh? The one guaranteed thing that makes all women laugh every single time they see it?
Show her a picture of a guy getting in the knutchkies.
Show her a video.
It's one of those things--all women think a man's groin pain is funny.
That's free of charge.