20 Years: Father Knows Nothing Meets $everance

 

This year marks my 20th year as a professional writer. Over the course of 2024, I'll be sharing a few of those offerings you may have missed along the way.

This month in 2007, my first novel "$everance" was released. At the time I was writing a weekly Father Knows Nothing column for Lee Publications in NW Indiana (NWI Times, Shore Magazine, NWI-Parent). This column combined the two projects, in a way that my kids still don't find funny.

Their eyerolls are my fuel.

I've probably already told you about my satirical novel (“$everance”) that explains who and what really runs the media, but you’d be surprised how difficult it is to get the word out in the media about a book that exposes the truth about the media…

Some authors faced with such a seemingly insurmountable dilemma and an advertising budget of zero, might be deterred or overwhelmed. Not me.

I’ve created the world’s first truly interactive billboard. 

I know this looks like a very fancy billboard, but it’s really just my three sons facing a blank wall, waiting for someone to walk by and look at it. When someone does, this amazing billboard “comes to life.”

The first boy turns around and says: “Severance is available at www.eckhartzpress.com”

The second boy turns around and says: “It’s only $20 if you order right now.”

And the third boy is supposed to turn around and say, "That's a heck of a deal for a 'hysterical critique of corporate morality' that is 'told with the keen insight of an industry insider', and is, take your pick: 'laugh out loud funny', 'yeah, that funny', 'brilliant satire', 'great, funny, sarcastic, and thought-provoking' or 'whiplash-fast choke-on-your-coffee funny'."

(All actual quotes from actual reviews. See them all here: Praise for $everance)

Unfortunately, he's only 4, and he usually says "Dad, this is stupid."

I suppose I could try another way. I could ask people to help spread the word by forwarding this post to people who may enjoy the book. Or I could ask people to suggest "$everance" for their book clubs. Or I could just ask people to help rescue these children from the humiliating experience by spending a measly $20 right now by clicking here.

Or.... the boy could learn his lines and deliver them with feeling. What are they teaching these kids in pre-school these days?

Maybe we'll see you this summer. The boys and I will be traveling around the country looking for blank walls that are just screaming for an interactive billboard. With any luck, I'll sell enough books to allow them to go back to school in the fall.

If not, acquiring the salesmanship skills and street smarts this project will teach them will more than make up for what they miss in 6th grade, 4th grade, and pre-Kindergarten, respectively. Don't you think?

20 Years: Revisiting "$everance"

 

This year marks my 20th year as a professional writer. Over the course of 2024, I'll be sharing a few of those offerings you may have missed along the way.

My first novel was called "$everance" and it's a satire about the broadcasting business. It was published by New York publisher ENC Press. Well, this month the rights to $everance reverted to me, and my previous publisher is allowing me to sell it at Eckhartz Press. 

Here are a few of the reviews...

Reviews

• “I think it’s a great, funny, sarcastic, entertaining and thought provoking book…that really shows how broadcasting has changed over the last few years.”

  Radio Hall of Famer John Records Landecker

• “It’s about time somebody told this story. $everance certainly captured the world of radio, warts and all.”

  Broadcasting legend Clark Weber

• “Told with the keen insight of a veteran insider, it’s a humorous indictment of an industry that has lost all sense of purpose — except for making money, of course.”

  Media columnist Robert Feder

• “A hysterical critique of corporate morality”

  WGN-TV Morning anchor Larry Potash

• “Brilliant satire! I got a paper cut from the sarcasm. I wish I could say it was great fiction, but having worked in radio, I think it’s just really funny non-fiction. The reality in between the laughs will scare the hell out of you.”

  Playwright Spike Manton ("Leaving Iowa")

• “I thought this novel was just going to be an amusing story about radio. But the way Kaempfer has woven in elements of all media and politics is masterful, to say nothing of insightful, and frequently laugh-out-loud funny!”

  Broadcasting legend Bob Dearborn

• “Rick Kaempfer’s “$everence” is whiplash-fast, choke-on-your-coffee funny, and ultimately frightening. Kaempfer has seen it all in the radio business, and has some dire predictions for the rest of the media, too. It’s the summer’s must-discuss beach read – and probably a sign of the apocalypse.”

  Paige Wiser, Chicago Sun Times

• “Severance is a black comedy that would be funnier if its darkness weren’t so true. And it crackles with the insights and cynicism that made Network and Broadcast News the seminal cinematic treatments of today’s dumbed-down news business. Move over Christopher Buckley—-Rick Kaempfer is in town!”

  Andy Shaw, ABC-TV

As a primer, let's go back in time 15 years, to an interview with the literary website Bibleeohfile about "$everance". It was posted this week in 2009.  (You'll catch the foreshadowing of future projects in this interview)

Richard Kaempfer,  author of $everance—a novel I recently read and thoroughly enjoyed—agreed to answer a few question for me about what led him to writing $everance, what he thinks about the state of the media business today, and his beloved Cubs.

What gave you the idea to write a novel? Was it one article too many on the consolidation of the media industry or had the idea been milling about in your head for a while and you decided it was time to put pen to paper?

RK: There were actually three moments in my radio career that inspired me to write this book. The first occurred in 1996. Five or six media companies, including the one I worked for, were pushing for deregulation, but nobody else was. My boss at the time called each employee into his office one at a time and said: “Write a letter to the FCC telling them that you’re in favor of deregulation.” I told him that I wouldn’t write the letter because I thought it was a terrible idea, to which he replied, “If you don’t, you’re fired.” I never wrote the letter. The day that legislation passed and was signed by President Clinton, I started researching the subject because I couldn’t believe it would pass with absolutely zero support from the public.

The second moment occurred in early 2003, during the lead up to the Iraq War. I was already putting my notes together for the novel at the time, but I had no intention of making it political. At the time, we were playing the National Anthem to start our show every morning—a beautiful three-part harmony version sung by the Dixie Chicks. But then one day, the lead singer from the Dixie Chicks made a remark about being embarrassed to be from the same state as George Bush, and suddenly playing that song was considered a huge problem.

I couldn’t understand why. No one had complained about it. We got zero complaints. We thought that if we stopped playing it, we would be making a political statement. (We did a wacky morning show, by the way, not a political show.) We explained this to our boss in his office, but he said, “If you play it again, you’re fired.” That’s right; he was threatening to fire us for playing the National Anthem. (You can read more about this here.) That’s when I started researching the relationship between the political parties and the media.

The third moment occurred later that year. We were in a meeting discussing a promotion for our show that had been arranged by the sales department. It was a ridiculous idea, I can’t even remember where they wanted to send us, but it made absolutely no sense at all...I think it was a Jiffy Lube or something like that...at 5:30 in the morning.

I raised my hand and pointed out that in addition to the slight problems of no one being there, and the store not even being open for the first two hours of the show, there was no benefit at all to the listeners. My boss stared at me like I was from outer space. We weren’t broadcasting for the listeners, we were broadcasting for the sponsors. Jiffy Lube was giving us money to do this. End of story.

How did you come up with your main characters? Are there pieces of your personality in Zagorski? And where did you come up with the last name, Zagorski?

RK: Zagorski is every morning radio guy I’ve ever known—all of them are troublemakers at heart. His passive-aggressive tendencies, however, are totally me. I was never as overt as the morning guys were. They had more power and were able to openly dis the bosses. I had to be creative about it because as I’ve already mentioned, the threat of being fired was very real, and I have three kids.

The name Zagorski is an inside joke from my radio days. At one point we were looking to hire someone to do technical work for us, so we asked people to send in tapes. Some poor guy named Zagorski sent in such a half-assed effort, a crappy little cassette labeled only with his last name and nothing else, that we started giving out “Zagorski Awards” whenever somebody screwed up. From there it morphed into a compliment. “Way to pull a Zagorski out of your ass.”

I used the name in the book because it already rolled off my tongue, and Zagorski is such a great Chicago name. We’ve got the largest population of Polish people here outside of Warsaw.

To me, some of the funniest parts of your novel were the scenes that described the ways in which Zagorski was going to torment Siegel, like the decorating of the offices and the way Zagorski was (basically) just giving money away. I also loved Deepak, the cabbie. Did you have any favorite scenes or parts of your own novel?

RK: You just named my favorite parts too. Writing about tormenting the boss was unbelievably therapeutic. Anyone who has ever worked for a boss they couldn’t stand should try it sometime. I was giggling with glee as I came up with that stuff.

The guys that run radio, in particular, are pretty despicable guys. They aren’t radio guys, they’re Wall Street guys. They’re so easy to caricature, and that caricature resonates so much, because they’re all the same. They’re incredibly vain, incredibly thin-skinned, and they only care about one thing—money. They would sell their own mothers for a 5-cent increase in the daily stock price.

As for Deepak, he was based on a cabbie I knew in Chicago. When I was doing the morning show, he picked me up every morning at 3:30 a.m. I feared for my life every day as he careened through the streets of Chicago, but he was the only guy who would wait outside my door at that hour.

My favorite chapter of the book, however, is the one that takes place at Wrigley Field. That’s my summertime home. I love that place.

I found the NASCARization of the news desk hysterical, but scary when I started to think about it. I recently read an article on Intel becoming the latest sponsor for PBS' The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer and I have to say that I hadn't realized that big business was sponsoring shows on PBS. Was this something you saw coming?

RK: I definitely saw it coming. It’s the main point of my book.

For years I’ve been hearing all these conspiracy theories about the liberal media and the conservative media, and the people that believe it, believe it with such passion. They will not be convinced otherwise, even when they talk to someone like me who worked in the business for so long. Obviously I’m part of the conspiracy, right?

I love when people tell me how the media works. You know what, pal, let me fly your jet and tell you how to land it. I’ve read about it. I’ve heard the stories of how you do it. I watched Top Gun. I know better than you.

The whole political control of the media is missing the point entirely. It’s true that each party has its favorite outlets to get the word out, but they offset each other. The conservatives control radio. Period. It’s a conservative medium. The liberals have a huge edge in television. The newspapers are 50/50. The workers in every medium have political opinions, because they’re humans and not robots. If you find someone with an opinion, that’s not an Aha! moment, it’s a Duh! moment.

But the people who really run the media, the people that can’t be criticized by the left or the right, are the advertisers. The corporations that advertise are buying more than air time. They’re buying the right to stop any meaningful criticism from the press.

As someone who worked in the media industry for twenty years, what do you think about what's going on today with the media?

RK: The media is in deep doo-doo. I don’t feel sorry for them at all because they brought it on themselves with their short-sighted approach. It was all about raising the stock price and the revenue stream, and the content was ignored. It was just “the stuff between commercials.” Anything that cost money was cut, and companies are now so understaffed that the product is a shell of what it once was.

Now those debt payments are due, and they can’t cut any more staff, AND the content isn’t good enough to draw the audience necessary to attract advertisers. They’ll tell you that the bad economy destroyed the business. I’m here to tell you that these guys are the reason the economy is bad. It was the Wall-Street-ification of America. Some businesses simply can’t be run that way (as it turns out, nearly all businesses shouldn’t be run this way, but who knew?).

I think in the long run, the media will be fine. The big guys will be forced to sell at discount prices, and smaller operators will come in and discover the dirty little secret of the media. That is that most radio stations, television stations, newspapers, etc., are actually quite profitable on an individual basis. They were all bought for waaaaaaaaaaay more money than they were worth, leveraged to the hilt, and now it looks like they’re failures. They aren’t.

Your bio says that you were a radio host for ten years and then an executive producer for a well-known radio talk show; which position did you like better?

RK: I always enjoyed being on the air, but I’m really not a born performer. I was raised by Germans. We’re taught to suppress our flamboyance. That’s probably why I enjoyed producing more. I would give material to these gifted entertainers, and they would make it much, much better than it would have been if I did it myself.

All of these guys have one thing in common—they don’t possess the embarrassment gene. It’s a gift, it really is.

Many writers describe themselves as "character" or "plot" writers. Which are you? What do you find to be the hardest part of writing?

RK: I’m definitely a plot writer. I do full back stories on every character so that I know them inside and out, but much of that doesn’t make it onto the page. It shows up in more subtle ways, like through the dialogue. I love writing dialogue that gives you a sense of the character, and moves the plot along at the same time. An intriguing plot is what gets the reader to turn the page.

The most difficult part of writing for me is setting the scene. I have to physically experience each location, to take notes about all the little things, in order to make it come alive. In the chapters of $everance that take place in imaginary places like the crazy offices or the nightclub, I had to literally map out the rooms on paper, so that I could physically see them, before I could write those chapters.

How did you find the time to write with your three young boys around? Did you work on your novel while they were asleep or at school?

RK: My two oldest boys were in school all day already when I started writing $everance, and my mom watched my youngest son (who is six now) two days a week. It was never that hard to find the time, believe it or not. Plus, I worked on a morning show for many years, and I basically didn’t sleep for a decade. During those years, I learned how to stay creative with very little sleep, and how to write when I wasn’t at full speed. I also discovered that I had the ability to write on demand. I had no choice. We had four and a half hours of air time to fill every day.

So, while the boys were around, I let the ideas gestate. I had little notepads all over the house so that I didn’t forget anything. Then, when the boys left the house, I sat down to write. Just like that. Never a moment wasted. It’s what I love to do, so it’s not like it was drudgery.

You have a very funny and witty website, with lots of information about you, your family, and your Cubs; why did you start blogging? Was it something you started doing for self-promotion, or just because you enjoyed the "social" atmosphere?

RK: For me it’s not about the social atmosphere or the self-promotion. I was going through withdrawal after working on radio shows for twenty years. The ideas didn’t stop coming the day I signed off the air—they built up in my brain and were starting to drive me crazy. I started the blog just to have an outlet to unload them.

People joke about how prolific I am, but I’ve always been this way. I explain it like this: I’m a right-brained creative who was raised by Germans. So, I’m very organized and efficient with my ideas. It seems like I’m writing a lot because I have a column, and a blog, and a website, and a couple of books, and I’m working on several more, but to me this is a piece of cake. I honestly was working much harder coming up with ideas for a radio show. We needed ten, fifteen, twenty quality new ideas every single day.

In fact, I can’t believe I’m actually getting paid to write about my family (I write a weekly column for NWI Parent called “Father Knows Nothing”). I started writing about them just to chronicle their lives, so that they could read about themselves when they grow up. My father died when I was young, and there are a million questions I would love to ask him about being a father, to find out why he did certain things, or didn’t do other things, but I can’t.

To me, the audience for everything I write is three grown-up boys. I don’t even know them, and I may never meet them, but they’ll always be able to get inside their father’s head...even if I’m no longer here. That other people also get a kick out of those stories, or can relate to them, is just icing on the cake.

What are your goals for the future? Do you have other ideas for novels that you'd like to write or do you plan to focus more on your articles? (Personally, I hope you're writing another novel.)

RK: A buddy of mine is an improv artist who does seminars about collaborating, and he wanted to try to collaborate on a novel to show his students and clients what is possible. It’s been a lot of fun so far.

One of my screenplays is being pitched in Hollywood as we speak (it’s a true story about a bank robbery). The screenplay for $everance is done too—but needs polishing.

As a reader, what do you enjoy reading? Any favorite authors?

RK: I do love reading, but I get frustrated because everything I read gives me more ideas, and really—that’s a problem. Now when I read it’s mainly for research. I do appreciate great writing though. I know this is crazy, but my favorite author was always Charles Dickens. I love the way he weaves his characters in and out. My favorite contemporary writer is probably Nick Hornby. No one is wittier, and no one has a darker sense of humor.

Do you read your reviews, and if so, what's the oddest one you've ever received?

RK: Yes, I do read my reviews. A writer’s life is a strange one. You sit in a room by yourself and get absolutely no feedback for days, weeks, months, and years at a time. My wife actually groans now when I ask her to read something, because she knows that sometimes I just need some feedback, and I write so much that it’s a pain in the tush for her. I also know her reviews are going to be tough—and I need that.

I’ve actually been quite pleased with the reviews from the media. I was bracing for a backlash, waiting for someone in the media to say my premise was flawed just to cover their own backsides, but it hasn’t happened. I’ve only done two confrontational interviews, and they were both political in nature. A liberal radio show in Madison, Wisconsin, was outraged by my portrayal of animal rights activists and a conservative show in Chicago thought I was unfair to Republicans. The fact that those happened in the same week made me laugh, and made me think that maybe I had the politics exactly right.

What do you think the Cubs chances are this year? And how many games do you make it to a year?

RK: The first part of that question is easy. They won’t win it all. There, I said it. After 100 straight years, the odds are on my side. Last year I created a website dedicated to finding out why, and that’s been a fun voyage. Their history is really fascinating (and downright hilarious).

The answer to the second part of your question is a little embarrassing. I go to at least ten games a year. I share season tickets with buddies of mine, and we split the games. I only have two seats (the actual seats I mention in $everance, by the way), so I can only bring one son at a time. They never get one-on-one time with Dad otherwise, so it’s really wonderful. It’s a shame the Cubs never win it all, but to be honest, I don’t care. I love baseball, and I love the time with my boys, and I love that ballpark.

And I was serious about this in $everance: Don’t get ketchup on your hot dog at Wrigley Field. Nothing screams “TOURIST!” louder than that.*

Richard Kaempfer has several different blogs, with links to all of them here at his main site. His hysterically funny novel, $everance, can be purchased online

Studio Walls

   Every week I send my Minutia Men Co-Host Dave Stern a list from our audio archives for this week's Studio Walls feature. These are the possibilities for this week. Which one will he choose?

April 26 is Melania Trump's birthday. We had the author of Inside Melania, Lauren Logiudice, a real live Melania impersonator on the show. (Listen to that here)

April 27 would have been Casey Kasem's birthday. We have the famous "Dog dying" audio outtake of Casey losing it in the studio. (AUDIO)

April 28, 2007, the upcoming book $everance, by me, is announced with this YouTube ad. 

April 28 is Jay Leno's birthday. We have a clip of Jay coming on to John Landecker's show to deny stealing the Dancing Ito's from John (AUDIO)

April 29 is the famous Lee Elia rave out day. This is the first anniversary of that famous tape since the man who recorded it (Les Grobstein) passed away. (AUDIO)

April 29, 1997, Mike Royko passed away. He considered Rick a genius. He was also a die-hard Cubs fan, and we have audio of him explaining what makes a Cubs fan tick (AUDIO)

April 29 is Richard Epcar's birthday. We had the voice over star on our show discussing his incredible career (You can listen to the entire interview here)

April 29 is also Jerry Seinfeld's birthday. Journalist Jay Shatz was on our show and told us the story about the day he interviewed his double-ganger Jerry Seinfeld. (Entire interview is here)

Eckhartz Everyday

*On this day in 2019, I appeared on WGN Radio (Steve Cochran's show) to promote EveryCubEver. If you'd like to listen to that interview, it's here on the WGN website.

*On this day in 2009, the Bibliophile website interviewed me about my first novel $everance. The interview is here.

*On this day in 2019, Eckhartz Press author Mitch Michaels appeared in Westmont at Blue Village Vinyl to promote his book Doin the Cruise.

Eckhartz Everyday

*On this day in 1983, future Eckhartz Press author Joel Daly (The Daly News) was one of the most popular broadcasters in Chicago, and he posted this report about the end of the great show M*A*S*H... 

 

*Today is also Leslie Keiling's birthday. Leslie contributed several stories to John Landecker's book Records Truly Is My Middle Name., including the story about what it was like being on the air the morning of 9/11, and how the morning show reacted to that life-changing event. (We recently told that story together on Garry Meier's podcast)

*On this day in 2012, future Eckhartz Press author Margaret Larkin (Wicker Park Wishes) interviewed me about my two novels, $everance, and The Living Wills. It's a fun interview. 

You can read it here.

*On this day in 2014, Chuck Quinzio's Life Behind the Camera got a great write-up from the NABAT Union.. 

Read the piece here. 

*On this day in 2019, Litpop paid tribute to the late great Pat Colander, author of the award-winning Eckhartz Press book Hugh Hefner's First Funeral. 

Read the tribute here.

Severance

FCC Receives 3 Million Comments on Net Neutrality

From this morning's Wall Street Journal...

The Federal Communications Commission said it has received a record 3 million comments on proposed rules for how broadband providers must treat traffic flowing over their networks, driven by advocacy campaigns and public interest. Comments had to be submitted by midnight Monday.

They don't say how many are pro-intentional-slowing of the internet to pad megacorporation wallets, and how many are against, but I'm guessing it's about 3 in favor (the big three companies), and 2,999,997 against.

Let's see if the FCC bothers listening to the American people or not. Last time they tried to change ownership rules, they were shamed into listening by a similar outpouring of outrage. I even sarcastically chimed in...

Nascar-ization

In my satirical novel "$everance" I predicted the future Nascar-ization of television and radio. It wasn't really a joke...I honestly believed it was going to happen. It's been happening on television for the last few years (think those pop up ads that constantly fill up part of your screen), but now it's happening in radio too.

From Tom Taylor's column this morning...

The CBS folks on the “Future of radio” panel said they’re now selling spots as short as five seconds and as long as two minutes. Scott Herman says the flexibility of local radio is such that “if somebody wants to come in and buy the whole four-minute spot set” and sponsor a song, they’re open to that. He and Michael Weiss agree that there’s been a turnaround in the thinking about sales calls. Years ago, an in-person visit might have been 80% the sales rep talking and then 20% of the time the client. They’d like to reverse that, then have the sellers come back to the station where they (in Herman’s favorite new word) “ideate” about the client’s needs. CBS is also selling “the Allstate route” during traffic reports in multiple markets, keyed to the insurance company. Weiss says they’re also pursuing selling naming rights to stations. He says “we just did it with [all-news] WBBM in Chicago, which says it’s broadcasting from the MB Financial Studios, one time an hour, 24/7.” Agency rep Michael Maze of Local Broadcast Initiative welcomes the new flexibility – “it’s great that we’ve moved away from the standard :60s and :30s.”

Commerce Content

How do you like that term? Commerce Content.

It kind of makes my stomach turn, but Gawker media is using it to make up to 10% of their revenues this year.

What is commerce content? According to Gawker founder Nick Denton: "It's a brand new thing that merges writing and product curation...So commerce content includes everything from posts about the cheapest deal on something our readers need to introducing them to new things they've never seen. It's a new type of service journalism. And yes, we generate revenue when products sell."

Service journalism? There's another great term.

Is this really what it's come to?

I remember one reviewer mocked my "Nascarization" bit from my first novel "$everance" because it was too "over the top". Whatever you say, pal.

$everance

All of my books are listed and reviewed on the website "Goodreads". I almost never go there to check on what people are saying, even though my reviews are generally good (all of them are over 4 stars out of 5), because the occsasional bad review will ruin my day. I'm not proud of that, but I know I'm certainly not alone. Every author I know is the same way. When you work on something for several years and pour your heart and soul into it, only to see your work casually dismissed, it has a tendency to be a little demoralizing.

Plus, to be totally honest, I already know the flaws in my books better than the people reviewing them. Nobody is tougher on me than me. I can't pick up any of them without finding additional flaws. I used to agonize over that, but I no longer do. Now, I just do my thing, put it out there, and move on to the next thing.

But last night I was looking for some reviews for one of my other Eckhartz Press authors on Goodreads to post on the Eckhartz Press blog, when temptation got the best of me. I checked the page for "$everance". I figured that was safe enough. After all, it came out more than five years ago--a bad review wouldn't have bothered me anymore. I was pleasantly surprised to see there were several new reviews I hadn't seen before, including this one posted earlier this year. It was written by a reader named Edward LoPinto. Thanks Edward. I appreciate it. You made my day.

$everance by Richard Kaempfer is a hilarious and pointed satirical novel about the absurd world of media conglomerations. The protagonist, Tom Zagorski, is a morning radio DJ at WCLR, a commercial radio station in Chicago. The station is owned by Sierra Megamedia, who constantly finds ways to cut costs and increase revenues, even when it means reducing the quality of programming and treating their loyal employees like scum. The station manager, Sherman Rose, wants to get rid of Zagorski, but not wanting to pay severance, he tries to make Zagorski’s life so miserable he will quit. Zagorski fights back by trying to make Rose’s life so miserable he must fire Zagorski – and pay his severance. Hilarity ensues…

For what he hopes to be his most irritating prank, Zagorski writes a list of ideas for cutting costs and increasing revenue, and e-mails it to every employee of Sierra Megamedia, including the CEO. His list, he thinks, is so obviously a crude joke that it is guaranteed to get him fired. However, the CEO, Franklin Siegel, sees it as a brilliant business strategy. Zagorski soon finds that in the world of Big Media, there is no idea too ridiculous, and no strategy too cynical.

Kaempfer has created some very memorable and vivid characters. Tom Zagorski and his on-air partner Richard Lawrence are loosely based on caricatures or stereotypes; Zagorski is the mischievous morning-show DJ, Lawrence the straight-laced news reporter. But Kaempfer, by drawing on his personal experience, has turned them into characters who feel very real. Their interactions, no matter how zany, always seemed believable.

As with many great novels, the plot seems to flow naturally from the characters and their circumstances. The plot of Severance is also engrossing because so many of characters are obviously based on real people, and as a reader, you feel as though you are getting a glimpse into the minds of the most powerful men in the business (you’ll meet characters who resemble Rupert Murdoch, Ted Turner, and many more . . . coincidence of course). And while some of Zagorski’s antics seem to push the boundaries of what an audience will believe, they are juxtaposed against equally absurd situations that we know to be real – it’s one of the ways all great satire works, and Kaempfer does it expertly.

Zagorski finds that, contrary to popular belief, the people running the media are not too ideological, but rather have no ideals at all. They simply want to attract the most customers and sponsors – they have no regard for factual or ideological truth. And while there are seven entire companies competing for market share, they work together in ways that make them a virtual monopoly.

I really enjoyed Severance. I often found myself laughing aloud at Zagorski’s antics. Kaempfer’s prose is clear, simple, and witty, and the subject matter is fascinating. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in good satire or the media industry.

F.C.C. To Relax Ownership Rules?

It certainly sounds that way, if you read this article in Bloomberg.

If you've read "$everance" you know I'm not in favor in this move. It seems to me that they are only doing it to rescue companies like the Tribune who bought television stations in markets they already owned newspapers even though they knew there were rules against it. Why rescue that?

I put it this way in a video the last time they tried to pull this off...

$everance

I was interviewed by Margaret Larkin, proprietor of the blog Metrolingua, about my first novel "$everance".

You can read the interview here.

Thanks for the opportunity, Margaret!

Reviews for $everance

Every now and then I get an e-mail from a brand new reader of my first novel "$everance", and it makes me check out what people are saying about it on GoodReads. Since it's been out for 4 years now, there are tons of reviews.

Here are a few recent examples from the last month or so...


Ryan writes:

"I found $everance to be a very entertaining, easy read that I was able to finish in only a few days' time. It is the satirical story of Zagorski, a Chicago morning radio host for a failing station who just wants his severance pay and has met a tough match in the form of a boss who refuses to give it to him and instead is determined to make him quit by making the conditions as horrid as possible.

The book kicks into high gear very early when Zagorski sends an e-mail detailing all kinds of over-the-top, sarcastic tactics to improve the company and save money and includes the CEO of the billion dollar media conglomerate on it.

The CEO takes the e-mail seriously, however, and thinks Zagorski's ideas are brilliant. From there, Zagorski is made into the company COO, incredibly enough. Though many people would be enamored with the possibilities of that kind of a job, Zagorski still only wants his severance pay and pulls ridiculous stunt after ridiculous stunt in an effort to get fired. Nothing works out the way he thinks though, as always of his ridiculous ideas work out because they keep saving the company money or generating more revenue in one ridiculous way or another that Zagorski fails to anticipate.

As someone in the finance industry, I found the storylines here to be uproarious, and was more than willing to forgive the ridiculousness of some of his ideas succeeding in the name of a good satire."

Sandy writes:

“Severance is a black comedy that takes a on the subject of media moguls and the damage to truth in reporting that has resulted from the consolidation of media outlets. According to author Richard Kaempfer, who spent 20 years or so in broadcast media, the men pulling the strings at the six giant media outlets don’t really care whether their stations are pushing liberal or conservative agendas, because all that really matters to these folks is M-O-N-E-Y. Kaempfer’s take on the situation is amusing but at the same time depressing. It appears that the era of true “broadcasters” has come to an end and all we have left are profit-driven businessmen seeking yet one more way to lasso another greenback and place it in the company coffers.

The protagonist in $EVERANCE is a cynical and (according to the “powers that be” in New York’s corporate heaven) obsolete Chicago radio personality named Tom Zagorski, whose job has become redundant but whose employers balk at terminating him and paying him his severance pay. Instead they embark on a path to make his life at the station so miserable he will be forced to quit and thereby save the station 18 months of severance pay.

After many months or back and forth passive-aggressive antics between Tom and his boss Sherman Rose, Tom ultimately reaches his breaking point and sends a taunting e-mail to Sherman with a copy to the corporate CEO suggesting they fire every non-revenue producing employee and engage the services of security guards to protect the office supplies thereby increasing the company’s bottom line profit. Unfortunately for Tom instead of this action being viewed as the derisive message he hoped would result in his termination and the collection of his severance package, he is viewed as a forward thinking boy genius by the CEO as well as the Wall Street pundits and is offered a promotion to COO of the company.

What follows is situation after situation of laugh out loud absurdity that soon morphs into an insightful look into the scandalous environment of corporate America as well as an scathing indictment of our media and the men who control it. (To aid the reader in identifying the guilty, Kaempfer has graciously provided a who’s who glossary of media outlets, what they control, and who is at the helm of each, at the back of his book so that readers don’t have to second guess the true identities of the “imaginary” culprits in his novel.) For those who enjoy their “awful truth” of terrifying possibilities served up with a spoonful of humor, Severance fits the bill."

Jessica writes:

"From start to finish, this hilarious romp through the media business will have you chuckling and all-out laughing! There are so many great jokes as you follow an average guy who just wants one thing - to be fired so he can get his severance package - who ends up finding out that life doesn't always work that way, even when you try hard! With plenty of laughs and irony, the action moves from political mumbo jumbo to Ben Hur to ants drowning in organic kool-aid which will keep you on your toes! This is a highly recommended read for any adult who understands the complexity that arises from a focus on profits, or who has a job they desperately want to escape."

Free $everance?

Until Nov. 15, my $everance publisher ENC Press is offering a free download of $everance as an e-book (PDF). For details, visit their page - www.facebook.com/ENCPress - and click on the Welcome tab under their profile pic.

$everance

Between now and September 28th, my publisher ENC Press is doing a contest giveaway with my novel "$everance" at the Good Reads website.

If you'd like a chance to win the book, click here.

(At the very least, click on the Good Reads site and give me a nice review. You know I'd do it for you.)

Reviews for $everance

I put the wraps on the third draft of novel #2 today (It will be called "The Living Wills"), so I did a quick check to see if anything else had been written about novel #1 lately ("$everance").

I was blown away by these reviews on "Good Reads," and not just because they are so positive, but because I don't even know these people. I want to thank every one of them...

Here are a few...

Robert rated it 5 stars, and said...
"The rare political novel that can walk the thin line between conservative and liberal partisans, enlighten both, and dissatisfy neither. Set against a backdrop of corporate downsizing and media-industry conglomeration, Kaempfer shines a bright light on the hidden snares and pitfalls of an unregulated fourth estate."


Afoue rated it 5 stars, and said...
"An excellent book about a man who wants nothing more than to be fired. Severance gives an inside look at the inner workings of the media, something I'd never considered before. It somehow manages to maintain bipartisanship without offending one side (conservatives vs. liberals) more than the other. Deepak has to be my favorite character; he's hilarious. A very entertaining read, I recommend this to everyone."

Sarah Gorr rated it 4 stars, and said...
"As a public over-saturated with exposure to the media and information being beamed to us from all directions, Rick Kaempfer’s latest book, $everence, provides a hilariously entertaining inside look at the world of politics, persona and media consolidation. Kaempfer doesn’t just ask the question, “What happens when it all goes too far?” but suggests the outcome and it is not pretty. One of $everance’s greatest advantages in delivering its message is its use of humor and avoidance of dry political and corporate jargon. While an inside term or two might pop-up, Kaempfer’s book doesn’t seem to be preaching to the choir; it’s an open invitation for even those with little or no knowledge of the media’s inner workings or its political wheelings and dealings to join the conversation. Whether you’re news junkie, undecided, uninformed or just plain apathetic, $everence is a clever and enjoyable read for anyone exposed to the media; and that’s everyone."

Tisbutehname rated it 4 stars, and said...
"Severance: an indictment of spurious journalism? Check! Severance: a Laodicean account of the annoying nature of political zealots? Check! Severance: a hilarious satire about the trials and tribulations that accompany…trying to get fired? Check!  By staying objective, Severance does not crumble under the weight of its observations on the degradation of journalism into a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ profession. It does not, like so many of its characters, become hypocritical or biased; on the other hand, it remains satisfyingly ambivalent, and genuine all the way to its final sentence. As good satire can, Severance will make you laugh, but just as quickly it can scare the pants off of you. Though some of the characters are absurd, the novel is not. Severance is an accurate appraisal of the ongoing mutations happening to a very crucial industry, and a highly recommended read." 

Brittany rated it 5 stars, and said...
"Richard Kaempfer’s $everance is a hilarious book that will make readers laugh, nod their heads in agreement and, especially in today’s climate, watch the news with even more skepticism. All Tom Zagorski wants is for his boss, Sherman Rose, to fire him so he can collect his severance check. He creates as much mayhem as he possibly can with the surprising result of landing him a job as COO for Sierra Megamedia Corporation, the company who owns his small Chicago radio station. With a brilliant mix of satire and truth, Kaempfer explores the world of media that most of us can only hypothesize about. Having worked in the business at a Chicago radio station, his account comes across as though he’s saying, “I couldn’t make this up if I tried.”

KC gave it 4 stars, and said...
"Richard Kaempfer's $everance is a deliciously fun read. Memorable characters with hilarious quirks lead you on a bizarre ride from small-scale media corruption to all-out corporate conglomeration. Rich characters infuse each chapter with absurdly entertaining vignettes. The novel's roller-coaster ride of shenanigans seems beyond fictional except for protagonist Tom Zagorski's unwavering moral compass. It points northeast. More importantly, it adds credibility to his continuously thwarted goal of getting fired and securing his severance check.  Kaempfer has crafted a satire that is interesting without being overbearing. His personal experience in radio strengthens the novel and the author's note reinforces the darker themes rendered ludicrous in fiction. This is a great jab at the painfully one-sided soapboxes masquerading as news providers as well as the often overlooked monopoly of mainstream media. Recommended for the socially conscious and/or anyone with a sense of humor."

Jeepers, everyone. Thanks so much.

It's still available, by the way. It's only $15 at ENC Press (retail is $19), and only $5 for the e-book.

$everance reviews

I was looking for information about an upcoming interview subject on the internet last night and I stumbled onto a site called "Good Reads." It's basically a book review site.

Imagine my surprise when I found twelve reviews of $everance. They were all good reviews. Here are a few from the last few months (remember, it came out two years ago):



From Sarah Gorr...

"As a public over-saturated with exposure to the media and information being beamed to us from all directions, Rick Kaempfer’s latest book, $everence, provides a hilariously entertaining inside look at the world of politics, persona and media consolidation. Kaempfer doesn’t just ask the question, “What happens when it all goes too far?” but suggests the outcome and it is not pretty.

One of $everance’s greatest advantages in delivering its message is its use of humor and avoidance of dry political and corporate jargon. While an inside term or two might pop-up, Kaempfer’s book doesn’t seem to be preaching to the choir; it’s an open invitation for even those with little or no knowledge of the media’s inner workings or its political wheelings and dealings to join the conversation. Whether you’re news junkie, undecided, uninformed or just plain apathetic, $everence is a clever and enjoyable read for anyone exposed to the media; and that’s everyone."

From Tisbutehname...

"Severance: an indictment of spurious journalism? Check! Severance: a Laodicean account of the annoying nature of political zealots? Check! Severance: a hilarious satire about the trials and tribulations that accompany…trying to get fired? Check!

It’s a battle of attrition for Chicago radio DJ Tom Zagorski and long time on-air partner Richard Lawrence. In a vain corporate attempt to get the duo to quit, relieving the company of their fat severance checks, the once prominent talk radio show now features less talk and more commercials, as well as news read from day old papers. Zagorski’s atomic bomb of insubordination backfires and in no time he ironically becomes a Wall Street golden boy and big shot for the second largest media conglomerate in the world.

As Zagorski and Lawrence navigate their way through New York City’s maze of CEOs, conservative hotshots, bad journalists, liberal loudmouths, and vomit inducing cab drivers, trying to piss them all off and play them against one another isn’t as easy as it seems. Every absurd scheme the two come up with—from redecorating an office to resemble an epic Hollywood movie, or completely destroying what was left of objective reporting (and a lot in between)—their plans only result in more praise and more unwanted attention. Author Richard Kaempfer mixes humor with sadism to great result: each success, when Zagorski only wants failure, brings with it bigger laughs, more outrageous characters, and ‘nothing-good-can-come-of-this’ situations.

Severance is a carefully balanced satire about the post-deregulation liberal and conservative on-air personalities, as well as the behind the scenes puppet masters, that saturate the media with their opinions, but don’t be surprised when you see animal rights activists, film producers, and Celine Dion dressed as nun. You name it, Severance has got it, and Kaempfer, through the admirably indifferent Zagorski, exposes the weakness, hypocrisy and foolishness in each and every one of them.

By staying objective, Severance does not crumble under the weight of its observations on the degradation of journalism into a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ profession. It does not, like so many of its characters, become hypocritical or biased; on the other hand, it remains satisfyingly ambivalent, and genuine all the way to its final sentence. As good satire can, Severance will make you laugh, but just as quickly it can scare the pants off of you. Though some of the characters are absurd, the novel is not. Severance is an accurate appraisal of the ongoing mutations happening to a very crucial industry, and a highly recommended read."

From Jennifer...

"It all started with an office prank—a memo radio DJ Tom Zagorski i sends out from his station’s office in Chicago to the entire Sierra Megamedia Corporation (a media giant that owns not only Zagorski’s radio station, but many others, along with television networks, movie studios, and publishing houses). The memo suggests techniques to save money—like installing security guards to keep employees from stealing office supplies—as well as techniques to raise money, like Nascarization, which basically encompasses stamping everything visible with some sort of advertisement during news broadcasts. To Zagorski and his fellow employees, the memo is an obvious farce. Its suggestions are so ridiculous that Zagorski hopes he’ll be fired from the job he’s grown to hate, and gain him the only thing he really wants: his severance pay. To his (and my) very great surprise, his memo lands him the COO position of the entire Sierra Megamedia Corporation.

Many others would run with a position like this. After all, it allows use of the company credit card, the company Jet, suites in the best hotels all over the country, and dinner in the best restaurants (all of which author Richard Kaempfer describes enough to make Zagorski’s sudden rise pretty enviable). The world is virtually at Zagorski’s fingertips. So what does he do? He sticks to his original plan, now on a much greater scale: he sets out to destroy the company & everything it represents. He wants the company’s stock to plummet so badly that they will have no choice but to fire him—which means he’ll still get his severance pay. It doesn’t hurt that in the meanwhile, he’ll be hurting a pretty corrupt organization.

Which is why Zagorski is ultimately so likeable. Even when he’s handed everything, he doesn’t sell out. He sticks to his convictions with a sort of bumbling, sarcastic grace. He remains loyal to his friends and always has a kind word for the otherwise ignored. Kaempfer does an excellent job in drawing out each of his characters—even the ones I hated—into very realistic, vivid, three dimensional people.

My biggest problem with $everance was situations where I ended up thinking, “that wouldn’t happen!” But $everance’s biggest fault is also one of its strongest qualities. The over-the-top scenarios Kaempfer creates serve as satire of social issues—they prove a point. By putting them in such an exaggerated context, Kaempfer grabs our attention; then, with unrelenting honesty, he drives the matter home.

$everance is one of the few books that made me laugh out loud several times. It’s enjoyable for all of the normal reasons—an interesting plot, good writing, great characters, thoughtful symbols—but also serves a greater cause. I highly recommend picking it up."

Another review of $everance

By Sean Lyon...







"“They don’t cover more stories than we do. They cover less—just the same thing over and over again all day long.” This line from Severance, spoken through the mouthpiece of the liberal media “Hoss” Sampson is very indicative of what we see today from the 24 hour cable news networks of the CNN and HLN ilk.

From my point of view a 24 hour news network is not a bad advancement. However, unlike, say, a 24 hour weather channel in which every detail can be objectively measured by trustworthy, accurate instruments, I realize that the introduction of the human element in the delivery of news brings with it laziness, bias, and because nobody wants to bore an audience, a bit of that old sensationalism.

Another character, Richard Lawrence, a onetime journalism student who because of cutbacks to his news “department” has to read day old news (what torture to a news man! You feel his pain at the onset of the novel), becomes disillusioned by how he sees others reporting the news. His observations of the falling standards compared to the way he was taught in college shatter his naivety and passion. He sarcastically questions whether someone has used two confirmed credible sources before airing an outrageous segment. But as Lawrence discovers and the author Kaempfer illustrates, it's a gun slinging atmosphere in the news, “Shoot first, ask questions later.”

Even though Severance is in large part a satire on political media and politically motivated characters, because of Zagorski's (and possibly Kaempfer's) indifference, bordering on annoyance, towards politics it remains just that, good, even handed satire, with the real punches aimed at the spurious journalism that fills these TV & radio shows. And unfortunately for us, that is not satire. Severance it's an accurate appraisal of the industry."