Rick Kaempfer

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Cincinnati's Lee Elia

In my book, it's not quite Elia-worthy, but it's pretty darn close...

The NFL released all the schedules last night, and ESPN had a two-hour show about it. For those of you who think all the bad pub and medical issues are damaging the NFL, let me repeat what I just wrote: ESPN had a two hour show about the upcoming NFL schedule.

Here's the Bears schedule, if you're interested.

Everybody Needs a Stu

My childhood best buddy Stu is celebrating a birthday today. He's 52, and we're still friends. 47 years of friendship. That's Stu in the front, with another childhood friend Bill (and me) celebrating our 50th birthdays in Croatia. About ten years ago I wrote this tribute to Stu as a Father Knows Nothing column. I honestly credit Stu with saving my life...

I didn’t notice this trend when we first moved back out to the suburbs. It wasn’t until my kids started school, that it started to hit me. This suburb has changed dramatically since I lived here as a boy. According to a recent story in the Chicago Sun-Times, many of the other Chicago suburbs are also changing in the same way.

And I, for one, think it’s great.

When my family moved out here in 1968, we were among the first immigrants to integrate this amazingly homogeneous suburban society. My sister and I were very young (5 & 4), and we didn’t even speak English in our household. My family had only been here slightly more than a decade, and had lived in a Chicago neighborhood with a circle of fellow German immigrant friends, none of whom spoke English in their homes either. Moving to the suburbs meant moving out of our comfortable German bubble and into America proper.

How German were we? My mother actually sent me to school in lederhosen because she had no idea how strange that looked to the other kids. I had to learn English in school. I played a sport, soccer, that the other kids in the neighborhood didn’t even know existed.

Every time I watch my sons play soccer now I relive those childhood memories. There are dozens of kids on these teams going through the same thing I went through in 1968. We have Polish kids, Mexican kids, Indian kids, African kids, Arab kids, Asian kids, and just about every other nationality you can name.

It’s not the similar experience, however, that makes me smile when I watch immigrant kids with their families. It’s the differences. For one thing, immigrant families are common now in the suburbs, and nobody bats an eye. The "normal" American kids don't consider it odd at all.

It was a little different in 1968. As my mother puts it now: "the school nurse was calling us every day." The bigger kids picked on me physically. They made fun of my name, my heritage, my sport, and our accents (Hogan's Heroes didn't exactly help, either). I felt like a freak...and I was a white kid. I can only imagine what it would have been like for an Asian kid, or an Indian kid, or an African kid.

I can point to the precise moment my life changed forever. The neighbor boy Stu rang our doorbell, and said: “Hi, I’m Stu, and I’m going to be your best friend.” Stu took me under his wing, showed me what it was like to be a normal American boy, and helped transform a dangerously shy German boy into just another kid in the neighborhood. By the time second grade started, it was effortless. I felt I belonged.

Kids today don’t need a Stu to rescue them anymore because they have a whole classroom of Stus. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. A Vietnamese boy named Phat (pronounced just the way you think it’s pronounced) moved into the neighborhood and none of the kids made fun of him. In fact, they embraced him. The “normal” kids were interested in learning about life in Vietnam, and they instinctively knew that it was their job to help him adapt to America.

That's the part that makes me smile the most.

Ode to Teachers

Every time I go into a classroom to talk to kids (as I did yesterday), I marvel at the skills of their teachers. I have three kids and I can't control them all at the same time...EVER. Teachers have 20 (or more) at a time, and appear to control them all at the same time--effortlessly. Inconceivable. I saw this in the Washington Post this morning, and thought I'd pass it along on behalf of all the teachers out there...

Eight Things Teachers Want You To Know About Them

Kermit in the Wild

A newly discovered species of frogs looks just like Kermit.

As far as I know they don't sing, dance, or tell jokes--but they do really look like Kermit. See below...

(Photo Credit: Brian Kubicki/Getty Images)

And I Love Her

Rolling Stone posted this--a rare Kurt Cobain cover of "And I love her" that he was singing to his daughter...

This is a special song to me--the first dance at my wedding. Our wedding's version was a cover too. The German Oom-pah-pah band sang it with a German accent. Let's call it a tribute to the Beatles' Hamburg days.

Dirty Deeds

From this morning's RAMP Newsletter...

Phil Rudd, the now-former drummer for AC/DC, has entered a plea of guilty in a New Zealand court to charges that he had threatened to kill his assistant and possession of drugs. CNN reports that Rudd, 60, had previously denied all of the allegations, but entered the surprise guilty plea on Tuesday before his trial was due to begin. Rudd was arrested last November after police found methamphetamine and marijuana while executing a search warrant at his home in New Zealand. According to a court summary, Rudd had fired several employees after his solo album flopped on the charts. A month later, he called an associate and said he wanted his personal assistant "taken out." Later, in what many legal scholars now believe to have been an all-advised move, Rudd called his assistant and said, "I'm going to come over and kill you."...If convicted, Rudd could face up to seven years in prison for the charge of threatening to kill. He's currently free on bail until his sentencing hearing on June 26.

The Blackhawks

I was fast asleep. I made it through the first overtime, but I couldn't stay up any longer. It didn't end until the third overtime. Here's a portion of the AP report from Yahoo...

They played for 101 grueling minutes, beginning Tuesday night and running into early Wednesday morning. The Chicago Blackhawks, looking for control of the first-round series. The Nashville Predators, searching for a split of their first four playoff games. Enter Brent Seabrook, a physical defenseman with a penchant for big postseason goals.

Seabrook scored on a booming slap shot 1 minute into the third overtime, and the Blackhawks beat the Predators 3-2 in the longest game of this year's NHL playoffs so far.

The Hawks only need one more win to get to the next round, but let's face it, they aren't playing great. This Nashville team is missing some of their best players.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Back to School

This morning I'll be talking to an elementary school in my area, and reading portions of "Father Knows Nothing". Looking forward to it. My favorite part is always the Q&A session afterwards. That's guaranteed to provide at least a few unexpected twists and turns.

Jon Stewart Announces Departure Date

His last Daily Show will be on August 6th.

Variety has the details.

Here Comes Another One!

Addison Russell is set to be called up to the Cubs today. He's considered one of the top 5 prospects in all of baseball. He'll play 2B, giving the Cubs and infield of Rizzo, Russell, Castro & Bryant.

Details are here.

Starting to get a little giddy.

The Peabody's

The list of winners was announced yesterday, and this year it includes Comedy Central's Amy Schumer (Really?), CNN's coverage of VA & Nigeria, NBC/MSNBC's Richard Engel, and HBO's John Oliver.

See the full list here.

Landecker & Jeffries

From this morning's RAMP Newsletter, this little tidbit from two Chicago radio pros...

We thought you'd get a kick out of this vintage photo that was shared by Jan Jeffries, Cumulus SVP of Programming and PD of Classic Hits WLS-FM/Chicago. Sharp-eyed readers will recognize a couple of dashing radio icons -- that's Jeffries (right) and fellow legend John Records Landecker (left) during a much earlier tour of duty at WLS -- this photo was taken in 1985 during a station party. As Jeffries explains to RAMP, "I just happened to run across this photo in a box of old pictures -- I was PD of WLS-FM and John had just rejoined WLS. I thought it was cool that 'history is repeating itself' 30 years later at WLS."

Jan was kind enough to contribute several stories to "Records Truly Is My Middle Name" and this story of how he hired John 30 years ago was one of them.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Thanks so much, Citizens United

Corporations now spend more money lobbying Congress, than taxpayers spend funding Congress. Details are here at Vox.com.

Comcast Merger in Trouble

This is exciting news. Finally some sanity appears to be on the horizon. From Bloomberg...

Attorneys who are investigating Comcast’s $45.2 billion proposal to create a nationwide cable giant are leaning against the merger out of concern that consumers would be harmed and could submit their review as soon as next week.

Amen. Comcast will sue, of course, and the courts are stacked against the consumers, but for a brief shining moment there is a little sunshine. Although listen to the "reporter" analyzing the case Comcast has (at the link). One of his arguments, and I'm not joking here, is that Comcast can argue that their consumer relations couldn't possibly get worse after the merger because it's already the worst in America. He said that in all seriousness.

Mr. Spock is spinning in his grave. Logic is officially an endangered species.

A 120-pound woman ate three 72-ounce steaks, plus sides, in 20 minutes

I've heard about this restaurant in Amarillo. A good friend of mine went there--someone I consider a skilled eater (Not pictured here). He couldn't finish half of his steak.

This woman ate all 72 ounces (three times) plus sides, and she only weighs 120 pounds.

Impressive? I guess. But nothing like the girl at the Cubs game who caught a foul ball in her beer cup, then chugged. (See a few stories below)

Joke for a Monday Morning

Thanks to my old friend "DM" for this one...

A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:

"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text: "Really should use spell check! That should be "wifi"."