Dobie Maxwell is one of the most accomplished stand-up comedians working in America today. I highly recommend his stand up act. If you are in a town that has "The Bob & Tom Show," you've probably heard Dobie many times. He is a semi-regular guest on that show. He was also one of the co-hosts of the "Morning Loop Guys" on WLUP in 2003/2004, and did a daily feature falled the 60 Second Soapbox. I asked him to contribute one to this blog, and he graciously agreed.Holiday OUT
By Dobie Maxwell
Brothers and sisters, misses and misters, cash tenders and card senders...today's title is Holiday OUT.
These are the dog days of the year when it comes to holidays. After the 4th of July we've got a long lifeless stretch with nothing to decorate, no cards to send and no real reasons to have a gigantic party until Halloween. This is not right and I think it's time to correct the flaw.
Oh sure, there's Labor Day but when was the last time you decorated your house or car for that? Maybe some people get together and give one last hurrah to a pair of white pants for the year or get rip roaring drunk every time Jerry Lewis goes to the tote board on the Telethon but that's really not a holiday. I have yet to see a Hallmark Labor Day card with a picture of Ziggy or Snoopy wearing a hard hat and carrying a lunch box. It's a weak sister.
Between now and Labor Day there's NOTHING. It's like driving through Texas. There might be a city or town coming up but it won't be here for a long long time. Why can't we move a holiday into August and spread things around a little? Who said we have to have any of the holidays when they are? Christmas would be a GREAT fit on August 25th. All accounts say Jesus wasn't born in December anyway so why not pull this switch now and make it fit?
Think about it, wouldn't it be fun to be a kid and have Christmas at the end of summer? I grew up in Wisconsin and there was always a foot of snow on the ground at Christmas. If I got a new bike or a baseball mitt I couldn't try it out for MONTHS. There is no reason for that kind of torture for a little kid. Let's give the kids some summer presents and let it rip. Jesus would have loved it if his birthday party had a Slip 'n Slide rather than a wool cap and scarf.
Plus, it would be great to have summer and then Christmas before going back to school. School clothes could be part of Christmas and it would be a perfect fit in that spot. I say we consult the powers that be and get it changed for next year. So what if Santa has to change into shorts and a t-shirt? Most of the fat guys at the mall who play Santa would LOVE that.
Thanksgiving would be way more special if it didn't have Christmas breathing down it's neck a month later. Many times people still have Thanksgiving turkey left over when they go out and fire up another one for Christmas. I'm sure the turkey population would be happy to survive in bigger numbers if Christmas was moved to August. Not many people would be up for making one then. We'd probably have a big old barbecue and some watermelon and the nativity scene in the front yard would have a lawn sprinkler right in the middle of it. Cool!
I guess I'm not a big traditionalist and these ideas all sound great to me. I'm in favor of having one holiday a month and that's it. To have Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve all in a short span and having this time of the year when there's nothing is very unfair to me. Let's give it a try next year. Merry Christmas and pass the mosquito repellant.
Dobie teaches a stand up comedy class at Zanies. This is the book he wrote for that class.
Dobie has one CD out and is in the process of putting out another one. Check out his website: www.dobie.comIf you want to read any of my previous guest bloggers, click here: http://rickkaempferguestbloggers.blogspot.com
