They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.
NINE FINE POLITICAL WHINES
By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern
You know those little moments that irk you, that get your blood pressure boiling for no good reason, that make you grit your teeth and pretend you aren’t incredibly irritated? You don’t say anything because it’s obvious that whatever is bothering you is your problem—not anyone else’s—and why should you bother other people with something that is probably just a pet peeve?
Ah, but there’s your mistake. A glass of fine whine goes with any dish. When you get a taste for it, stop by and visit one of us. Our whine cellars are particularly well-stocked.
For instance, we have nine fine whines to get you started. All of these are served in the political arena.
1. “Partisan”
Whenever we hear someone like Ted Kennedy or Dick Cheney ripping the other party for partisan politics, we laugh out loud. Apparently mirrors are unavailable for purchase in Washington D.C.
2. “Hypocrite”
If you accuse someone of being hypocritical because he is using the exact opposite argument he used previously, and yet you disagreed with him both times, there’s a minor flaw in your own argument.
3. Staying on Message
When everyone in your party (and both parties do this now) says the same thing, using the exact same words, that is incredibly creepy. Maybe we can elect robots and program them.
4. “Treason”
The punishment for treason is death. If that’s the way you really feel, then go ahead and use the word, but we think you should forever be referred to this way: “Joe Schmo, who has called for the execution of his political enemies, said this today…”
5. Party Mascots
The mascot for the Democrats is the ass. Nice choice. The mascot for the Republicans is the elephant; the animal that produces more excrement than any other animal. Nice choice. Why not just abandon subtlety altogether and go with the weasel and the snake?
6. Staged Photo Op
Every element of your appearance is managed; from the hand-picked crowd that is told when to cheer and applaud, to the focus-group tested slogan emblazoned on the elaborately designed backdrop, to the pre-approved script, and….how are you different from Hollywood again?
7. “Nazi”
Decide for yourself if this label is getting out of hand. The following debates on the Senate floor all involved at least one Senator comparing someone on the other side to Nazis: Terry Shiavo, gun control, global warming, the threat of filibuster, immigration, and we’re not kidding here…Social Security. And the Senate is the polite house of Congress. At least they preface the charge with “My dear friend and colleague.”
8. James Carville's Diction
It's not exactly Cajun, and it's not exactly human. Are we the only ones who can't understand a word that man is saying?
9. “The Elite”
We love the use of this term by the people elected to national office, who are by their very definition “America’s Elite.” Maybe this is where we can build a foundation of agreement—when they say that “the elite” is out of touch with “real Americans,” there shouldn’t be anyone in this country who disagrees with that position.
Got any others? Feel free to send them in by clicking on the “comments” link below.
