They say that when you hit your 40s, your life is half over. We prefer to think of it as HALF EMPTY. Our age has finally caught up with our outlook on life. Remember, it is possible to turn that frown upside down...but you might pull a muscle.
"Pabst is Back! We blame ourselves"
By Rick Kaempfer & Dave Stern
You read that right. Pabst Blue Ribbon is now a very popular brand of beer.
It’s our fault, too.
We failed an entire generation of Americans. We just assumed that no one needed to be told anymore. We didn’t even worry about kids discovering Pabst because surely the liquor store owner or barkeep would fill them in at the point of purchase.
“Um, son,” he would say, “You know you’re buying Pabst, right?”
“Yeah, why?”
“We haven’t sold any since 1979.”
“So?”
“It tastes like carbonated urine.”
“So?”
“Just say the word Pabst.”
“Pabst.”
“Now make the sound you make when you’re vomiting.”
“Pabst.”
If only that conversation had actually occurred.
Think about it, baby boomers. We didn’t even mention Pabst Beer for an entire generation because we thought it was so obviously bad that no-one would dare make the mistake of buying it. That was our mistake.
If you haven’t noticed, the kids today are latching on to many of the trends from the 70s, from the long hair, to the gooey pop tunes, to the fashion. Many of those are also big mistakes, but it may have taken the resurgence in the popularity of Pabst to finally get our attention.
These kids didn’t live through this history. They need it to be spelled out. Even things that we assume are obvious.
Engage the youngsters in conversation. Let them know that the following items are not to be revived under any circumstances…but most importantly tell them why.
1. Jonathon Livingston Seagull
This was a wildly popular book and movie. Let’s have the conversation now. Ask us anything you want about it.
“What is it about?”
“A seagull.”
“A talking seagull?”
“No. Just a seagull.”
“What happens to him?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Not a damn thing.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
If that’s not clear enough, maybe we should just add this: DON’T READ IT OR WATCH IT! YOU’LL NEVER REGAIN THOSE TWO HOURS OF YOUR LIFE.
2. Leisure Suits
These were all the rage in the mid-to-late 70s. Everyone had at least one leisure suit. Ask us anything you want about them.
“What is a leisure suit?”
“A shirt-like jacket and matching pants.”
“Like a suit?”
“Sort of, but more casual.”
“So it’s comfortable?”
“No, actually it’s made out of polyester, so it’s even less comfortable than a suit.”
“But I thought you said it was more casual.”
“It is. It looks worse than a suit, and it’s less comfortable.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
If that’s not clear enough, let us spell it out: THE ONLY REASON WE DON’T TALK ABOUT LEISURE SUITS IS BECAUSE WE’RE COMPLETELY HUMILIATED THAT WE EVER FELL FOR THEM.
3. The Symbionese Liberation ArmyThis was an anti-corporate group of middle class white radicals in the 70s who hoped to create an uprising against the government and the corporations that run everything. Ask us anything you want…
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
“What?”
“The anti-corporate part.”
“Do you think corporations control this country now?”
“Yes.”
“So do you think the Symbionese Liberation Army was even remotely successful?”
“Oh.”
“Ask me what tactics they used.”
“What tactics did they use?”
“They robbed banks and kidnapped people.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Exactly.”
That’s just the tip of the iceberg, kids. You’ll be hard pressed to find a decade with worse ideas than the 1970s. Please, we urge you, don’t make us live through it again. It would leave a terrible taste in our mouths.
Kind of like Pabst.
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