Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Suburban Man: Vacation Surprise





By Rick Kaempfer









We just got back from vacation, and I’m still in shock.

We rented a condo on the beach in Hilton Head, and invited my mother, my sister, and my brother’s family (including his two boys, ages 8 & 5) to join us.

Let me pinpoint the possible areas of conflict…

*We had five boys under the age of 13 sleeping in the same room.

*We had two daughter-in-laws, a daughter, and a German mother all “equally in charge” of making the food for the week.

*We only had two bathrooms.

*At least four family members have no business sitting in the sun because their skin is virtually translucent…and this was a beach vacation.

You’ll never guess what happened. Would you believe it went off without a hitch?

I’m still in shock. The boys played together so nicely I checked their temperatures to make sure they weren’t sick. They played in the ocean for hours at a time (with minimal fighting), ate what they were supposed to eat (with minimal complaining), and more or less went to bed when they were supposed to go to bed (with minimal hassles).

The women didn’t get into a single fight about what groceries to buy and what to make for dinner. They worked together so nicely I checked their temperatures to make sure they weren’t sick. The German mother was so relaxed and happy that no more than a half-dozen “I told you so’s” flopped out, and no one snapped when they did.

We only had one “incident” with the two bathrooms…and this was only because I allowed all five boys to play on their Nintendo DS games at the same time for a few hours. I know, I know. It was a moment of weakness on my part. They had been so good I thought they deserved a reward. I wasn’t considering that all of them would “hold it” the entire time they were playing, and then need to release the hold at the same time. (Although the hopping in the hallway while they waited their turns was pretty amusing)

We somehow even managed to avoid sunburn the entire week, despite spending untold hours at the beach. Even my oldest and youngest boys Tommy and Sean (who take after their Irish mother) didn’t burn. The 50 SPF suntan lotion worked. They even got a little color. I’ve upgraded them from “ivory” to “Navajo White”.

How well did this vacation go? Tommy (who is a pre-teen in every sense of the word now) actually said these three words in a row…. “This is fun.”

That’s the upside. It was our best vacation ever. The downside is that I don’t have any amusing stories of family conflict to share.

I hope you’ll forgive me this one time.