This is one of my old Father Knows Nothing columns that didn't quite make the final book. I remember feeling this way during every Christmas break when they were young. This one is from 2007.
Christmas "Vacation"
Christmas vacation is a time for over-stimulation.
You visit strange homes. You are expected to be on your best
behavior at all times. Bedtimes are stretched or ignored. All of those new toys
are just sitting there, tantalizing you, daring you to play with them.
And Mom and Dad are doing a lot of screaming.
Don't do this. Don't do that. Why aren't you using your
manners at the dinner table while you look longingly on that new toy that you
aren't yet allowed to open or play with?
Is it my imagination, or is every bowl in every house filled
to the brim with candy? Num num num. What do you mean I have chocolate all over
my face?
Wow, look at my brother's presents! I bet he won't mind if I just play with
this one little toy that he hasn't had a chance to play with yet…
Hey! That hurts! Stop punching me.
Bedtime? Already? It's only midnight! I haven't even had a
chance to play with these presents over here. That other toy took me an hour to
set up!
Let go of that present! That's mine! Mom, he's playing with my presents!
Dad! I can't concentrate on these Lego directions while Mom is screaming like
that! Tell her to stop screaming! Now I can't hear because you're screaming!
Where is that crying coming from?
I'm hungry. I need a snack before bedtime. What do you mean
I should have thought about that before I walked away from my lunch and my
dinner? But my tummy hurts…
STOP!
Whew.
It's day nine of Christmas vacation and we've had one
emergency doctor visit (scratched cornea from a poke in the eye), one gouged
gum (thanks to a kick in the mouth from one brother to another), and one
Christmas morning vomit.
And it's much, much better than any Christmas vacation I can remember so far.
When does school start again?
