By Rick Kaempfer
Comedy is really my only parenting tool. Over my ten years as a father, I’ve used it to great effect to diffuse tense situations, to foster strong relationships, and to teach my boys one of the most necessary life skills. If you’re laughing, life is going to be just fine.
Unfortunately, a Daddy comedian needs to be adaptable. Different comedy works for different ages. Jokes that absolutely kill with three year olds are often despised by ten year olds. I still haven’t figured out how to deliver a belly laugh to the youngster while avoiding the simultaneous heckles of the eight or ten year old, but I will never, ever, give up trying.
Comedy for Ages 0-2
Honestly, this age group isn’t exactly my forte. My wife is the baby entertainer. Bridget can make any baby laugh, anytime, anyplace. She has a rubber face, an unlimited supply of funny noises, and a complete inability to be embarrassed by her actions. I’ve seen her making a screaming infant smile in mid cry.
My only trick for this age group is the napkin blown into the air bit. Simply unfold the napkin, placing it on your nose so that it covers your entire face, and then count down...three, two, one, BLOW! A forcefully applied blow sends the napkin sailing nearly all the way to the ceiling. Huge laughs are guaranteed and you can’t repeat it too often. It gets the same belly laugh on the four hundredth try as it does on the first.
Comedy for Ages 2-4
Now we’re in my wheelhouse. I’ve had at least one son in this age bracket for the past eight years, and this is where my collection of cartoon and puppet voices comes into play. When Johnny was three, he and I went almost a whole year without speaking to each other Dad-to-son. Grover drove him to pre-school, Kermit put him down for a nap, Eeyore talked to him when he was sad, and Ernie sang to him in the bath. (Johnny even did a movie review on the radio as Grover when he was 3...a classic for the ages.)
This is the age where the pratfall (someone else's pain) becomes the king of boy comedy. When I show them how much I love them, I do it with my hands--increasing the love more and more until I smash my hand into the wall. Huge laughs.
Comedy for Ages 4-7
This is the age for subtlety and nuance. If you can’t or won’t employ the use of bodily functions, pick up your ball and go home. There’s no place for you here. If you have a problem with the words “butt”, “poop”, “fart”, “burp”, or “booger”, more power to you, but you will never, ever get a laugh out of a 4-7 year old boy.
Although, I must say, pratfalls still work.
Boys this age absolutely love the Three Stooges. I had to stop letting Tommy watch the Stooges because he laughed so hard during their routines that he began to hyperventilate. I wonder if the Stooges have ever killed a 4-7 year old boy. I wouldn’t be surprised.
(Father’s note: I noticed that I started performing much better for this age group when their mother wasn’t around. I’m not sure why.)
Comedy for Ages 7-10
Ah, the age of word play. Knock Knock jokes. Orange you glad I didn’t say banana? Whoo boy. That’s a good one. These jokes have not changed in fifty years.
Tommy and Johnny were also obsessed with words that have double meanings. Tommy’s favorite planet became Uranus. Johnny told me to close the refrigerator because it wasn’t polite to watch the salad dressing. They don’t know what Prince Albert in a Can is, but rest assured they would have loved that joke if they did.
As for parody songs, they are still a huge hit with this age bracket. Kids still sing that version of Jingle Bells with “Batmobile lost his wheel and the Joker got away.” As for me, I constantly found myself changing the words of songs. They were amazed at my nearly Wayne Brady-esque ability to rhyme on demand to fit the situation—although I must say this might be the one skill that now annoys my oldest son Tommy the most.
Which brings me to the comedy of the next age group...
Comedy for Ages 10+
You’re not funny, Dad.
That’s a tough nut to crack, but I’m working on it. When he told me the other day that my jokes were twice as old as I am, I spent the next two days telling him Warren Harding and Calvin Coolidge jokes to prove a point.
”I don’t get it, Dad,” he would say.
”Exactly!” I said. “Those jokes are twice as old as me. See? My jokes are no more than one and a half times older than me.”
“You’re not funny, Dad.”
That’s when I walked into the wall.
Huge laugh.
I’ve still got it.
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