Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Suburban Man: Older parents, younger children





By Rick Kaempfer








I see the trend wherever I go these days: older and older parents with younger and younger children.

My generation was a little slow out of the child-raising blocks. While we were in our twenties, it was the furthest thing from our minds. We had places to go, people to meet, and careers to pursue. Most of us didn’t seriously think about starting families until we got into our 30s, and many of us waited until after 40.

We’re paying the price for it now.

I get a particular kick out of this phenomenon whenever I go to the park or playground with my youngest son (age 5). The kids are running, jumping, sliding, and squealing, while the parents are huffing, puffing, chasing, and screaming. A typical 2—6 year old child has more energy than an entire village of 40-somethings. A one hour visit to the park for a child merely ensures a good night’s sleep. A one hour visit to the park for an adult may require hospitalization.

I’m not making fun of you 40-something parents, believe me. I’m one of you. I feel your pain…literally. It’s usually in my back, but sometimes I feel a little tightness in my hamstrings and pectorals. Sure, we could take drastic measures and consider something like getting into shape, but who has the time? If these kids aren’t getting us into shape, a whole year with Richard Simmons isn’t going to help.

That’s why I’ve developed a series of energy-saving activities that will allow you to make it through a day without first aid treatment, while still providing your children with delightful fun and exercise. Feel free to replicate these in your own home. There’s no charge.

*Hide

You’ve probably played more than a few games of hide and seek in your time, but have you ever tried playing “Hide”? In this game, you volunteer to do the hiding, and your rambunctious little one has to “Seek.” There are at least a few places in your home where your child won’t look, and let’s face it…they aren’t that great at seeking. Take a magazine with you, don’t make a sound, and relax. I’ve been known to get fifteen-to-twenty minutes of resting time with this technique, and my kids love it. They think I have magical powers.

*Teeter

You’ve probably gone on the teeter-totter in the park with your kids, but have you ever used the device as it was intended to be used? Put the little one on one side, sit down on the other….and then don’t move. Your child will remain teetering in the air, unable to escape, for as long as you need to rest. Listen to them squeal with delight as they stare danger in the face and survive.

*Time trials

A stop watch costs a few bucks, but it’s worth every penny. When the kid’s energy level is making him or her bounce off the walls, it’s time to head outside and do time trials. Fix yourself a nice cool (or hot) drink, grab a chair, pick a starting line and you’re all set. The key to this game is insisting on a circular path. I always make the boys run around the house. The house always remains the same size, and they can chart the improvement in their times.
(Note: If you don’t want to buy a stopwatch, you can always count the seconds out loud. This makes them run even faster—and tends to tire them out.)

*Big Helper
After chasing Junior around the house all day, household chores become even more chore-like. But wait! You’ll never have to fetch another thing as long as your “Big Helper” is in the house. Phrasing the request correctly is essential. I recommend the following: “Do you think you’re a big enough boy to go fetch the garbage can upstairs?” That usually works. If it doesn’t, don’t forget the stopwatch. “I bet you can’t get the garbage can upstairs and bring it down here in thirty seconds. Ready? Go!”

I know a lot of you are also older parents, and I’d love to hear some of your tricks of the trade.