Hasta mañana Aramis

He says he is done with the Cubs ("that door is closed") and his agent is mad at Bob Brenley (for comments he made about Aramis on the Waddle and Silvy show on ESPN AM 1000)

Details are here.

Aramis does have a few more good years left in him, but the Cubs should be able to spend that money more wisely (namely on younger players...hopefully pitching). I think we may have some people in place now that may actually do that.

I think in the long run, Aramis will be remembered fondly in Chicago. He did have some pretty darn good years here. Let's not forget that he was the best 3B we've had since Ron Santo. But on a rebuilding team, there's really no spot for a 33-year-old third baseman asking for close to $20 million a season.

Countdown to The Living Wills

"The Living Wills" is scheduled to drop on December 1st. What is it about? Between now and the release date we'll be providing hints and excerpts.

CSI's William Petersen, who recommends the book on its back cover, was impressed by the authentic way "The Living Wills" portrays his hometown of Chicago. He writes: "It really brings the city of the broad shoulders to life, and makes me homesick."


An excerpt from Chapter 5: "Holy Smokes"...

Reed was always struck by the incongruities of Holy Name Cathedral. The inscription in the cornerstone read: “AD 1874—AT THE NAME OF JESUS EVERY KNEE SHOULD BOW—THOSE THAT ARE IN HEAVEN AND THOSE ON EARTH.” The inscription looked slightly worn, but not from age. Portions of those words had been riddled with bullets during the 1920s; collateral damage from the murder of gangster Hymie Weiss. A holy cathedral’s holy words forever holey.

Holy Name Cathedral also boasted a magnificent 210-foot-tall gothic spire, but the nearby high rises and skyscrapers like the John Hancock Center and the Bloomingdale’s Building now dwarfed it, seemingly laughing at the comparatively puny church, daring it to retain its dignity and majesty.

Every day between now and its release date, I'll be unveiling more elements of "The Living Wills".

Cubs Workout Cuban Star

According to this report in the Sporting News, the Cubs are going to workout Cuban star Yoenis Cespedes. He's considered the top star to come out of Cuba in years; a five-tool 26-year-old outfielder.

If they sign him, he would be the Cubs biggest Cuban star since one of my all-time favorites: Jose Cardenal.

Father Knows Nothing

I just posted my latest Father Knows Nothing column. This week's is about the most awkward conversation of my life...the day I asked my father in law for permission to marry his daughter.

You can read it here.

The Eckhartz Press Roster

Meet our first four authors...

Brendan Sullivan

Rick Kaempfer

Kim Strickland

and

David Stern

Eckhartz Press Update

My publishing company Eckhartz Press is making big strides behind the scenes. Our website is almost finished, and it when it is, you'll be able to pre-order our first book (more on that below). Our Facebook page is up and running already. If you're on Facebook, click "like" on our page and you'll get all the updates about our exciting new venture as they happen. Or if you prefer, you can follow the Eckhartz Press blog, which I founded yesterday. All the Eckhartz Press authors will be featured there. Click here if you'd like to know who the first four Eckhartz Press authors are.

Now, here are the details about the first book. It's called "The Living Wills" and it's a co-written novel by Brendan Sullivan and Rick Kaempfer. We created the story line of this book in a very unusual way. Using improvisation, brainstorming mind-mapping and other ideation techniques, we came up with three interweaving story lines. From there, we retreated to our cubicles and wrote individual chapters by ourselves, and then edited and improved those chapters together. The result is something you don't see every day...a truly collaborative novel.

Hints about the plot will coming over the next days. The book is currently being formatted for publication, and will go to press by December 1st, in time for Christmas publication. We'll be doing limited traditional media before the end of the year, but starting in January you'll be seeing us all over the place. We'll also be holding several release parties in December and January, look for details here and the Facebook page and blog.

As for this cool cover? It was designed by Chicago artist Jon Langford. We're honored to have such a distinguished artist as part of this project. Also, we have blurbs on the back cover from Chicago Tribune writer Rick Kogan, famous TV/film/stage actor William Petersen (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation), and author Kim Strickland.

I promise you I won't be shy giving you more details as they arise.

It all starts today; 11/11/11.

Rick Perry's Top 10 Excuses

Gotta give him credit for showing up on Letterman last night and doing this...

Veterans Day

It started as Armistice day in 1919 on the one-year anniversary of the World War I's end, and didn't become an officially recognized holiday until 1938 (a few weeks after the Cubs lost the World Series to the Yankees), and it didn't become known as "Veteran's Day" until 1954 after the end of the Korean War.

But the thought remains the same. On November 11th, we drop whatever we're doing and we honor those that fought for this country.

The Cubs Farm System

Now that he's had a little time to evaluate the Cubs, Theo was asked about our farm system. He responded: “We have work to do. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I think there’s a pretty significant gap between where we are right now between impact and depth and where we want to be."

At least he's being honest.

More details from his conference call are here.

Fernando

On this day in 1975, Frida released the song "Fernando" as a solo hit. It was released the following year by ABBA and became their biggest hit. I lived in Germany when this song came out, and it was EVERYWHERE. Is it just me, or is this not even a very good song?

The Latest Candidate

Greg Maddux's big brother Mike.

Here's how it went.

I like what he said about Zambrano: "First thing you got to do is get to meet him. I heard he's a big teddy bear," Maddux said. "I might pick him up and just burp him."

German Practical Jokes

I just posted this week's Suburban Dad contribution to the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow. This week I empty my closet of German gags because my mother got her first computer yesterday, and will now be reading my stuff.

You can read it here.

Eleven

Friday is 11/11/11.

I'm not sure what you're doing to celebrate, but I'll be watching this.

Hildegard is 70

My mother, Hildegard Kaempfer, is a very young 70 years old today. She was very young when she was was married (20), very young when she had me (21), my sister (22), and my brother (28), very young when she became a widow (47), very young when she became a mother-in-law (50), and very young when she became a grandmother (54).

And she's still very young.

Happy birthday, Mom!

Led Zeppelin IV

From this morning's RAMP newsletter...

"Today is a very special anniversary of yet another momentous day in rock history -- it's the 40th anniversary of the release of Led Zeppelin IV... or Zoso... or some weird glyphs... but whatever you want to call it, it's one of the most critically acclaimed albums ever, having been named to countless "Greatest Rock Albums of All Time" lists and bestowed with the Grammy Hall of Fame Award. Despite the fact that the record is bursting with incredible songs, one has clearly stood out over the years -- "Stairway to Heaven," which has received equal acclaim and also been included on a ton of "Best Songs Ever" and "Songs that Changed the World" compilations."

Stairway to Heaven is nice and all, but for me, this song is the one that I always looked forward to playing on the radio...

Joe Bohringer

I'm trying to control my excitement here, but I fear it's not working. The Cubs made another great hire this week, when they hired Joe Bohringer as their new director of pro scouting.

Details are here.

I love the way this new staff is emphasizing scouting and player development. I'm a student of Cubs history, and this is literally the first time they have made that their number one priority. Let's hope they keep their eye on the ball and don't get tempted to take shortcuts (like all the others that came before them).

Dale Sveum

Meet the latest Cubs managerial prospect.

During his playing days he was one of the five or six best players with a "V" in their last name.

Pee Wee

From Bob Dearborn's The Olde Disc Jockey's Almanac this morning...

"November 7, 1991…Actor Paul Reubens, who performs as "Pee Wee Herman," pled no contest to charges of indecent exposure. Reubens had been arrested for exposing himself in a Sarasota, Florida theater."

Twenty years later Pee Wee still hasn't fully recovered his career. That doesn't seem right to me. There are sitting Congressmen and United States Senators who have done worse, and have been re-elected.

Father Knows Nothing

My latest Father Knows Nothing column is entitled "Inexplicable Basketball".

You can read it here.

Mike Tyson Quotes Put To Music

This is hilarious and inspired, although not suitable for work...

Paid to Tweet

The latest trend in advertising is paying celebrities to endorse products via twitter. According to this article, Lindsay Lohan was recently paid $3500 for one tweet.

I just want to let the advertisers of the world know that I'm officially available to tweet for cash. If you'd like to reach more than fifty middle-age-ish people (that's right 50+ baby), I'm your man.

I have some standards when it comes to my writing, but for my tweets...zippo. Bring on the green.

Boston or Chicago

Which managerial opening is more attractive, Boston or Chicago?

Two ESPN writers debate the subject.

There's also a video at the link of the PTI guys debating it. They both agree that the Cardinals opening is better than both of the others.

Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves

Exactly 40 years ago today, this was the #1 song in America. Dig Cher's hairstyle...

Quade is out

And Ryno will not be his replacement.

The details are here.

THURSDAY UPDATE: Apparently Theo also spoke to Ryno, letting him know the Cubs won't be considering him for the position. That had to be an awkward call.

The Theo Trio

This is the brain trust of the new Chicago Cubs. I'm calling them "The Theo Trio". Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein, center, and new general manager Jed Hoyer, right, and new head of scouting and player development Jason McLeod, during a news conference yesterday in Chicago.

I'm willing to give these guys a chance.

AP PHOTO/CHARLES REX ARBOGAST

Spamming a Spammer

This week's Suburban Dad column on the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow is entitled "Spamming a Spammer" and it's about my buddy Dave's e-mail correspondence with a Nigerian spam artist.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you actually answered those ridiculous e-mails they send requesting your bank account information?

Wonder no longer.

Eckhartz Press

An exciting new publisher based in Chicago is readying their first book for publication later this month. The publisher is called "Eckhartz Press".

Details about the publishing company and their first book (and some of the other books already in the pipeline) will be coming soon, but here's an explanation of the company's name. The name is a combination of two names; Eckhard and Fritz. Those were the first names of the co-owners' fathers, Eckhard Kaempfer and Fritz Stern.

The laughing "E" in the logo might give you an indication of the kind of books that will most interest Eckhartz Press.

Forever Lazy

My friend "BP" sent me this link with the tag line: "This is why the terrorists hate us".

I must agree. No other country in the world would produce this product.

The Cubs in Vegas

I'm as optimistic as anyone about the Cubs future, but really, the Cubs won't win the World Series in 2012. Who are these people betting on them in Vegas? The odds at MGM are only 25-1.

AP Article

There's a great AP reporter named Don Babwin who likes to call me for quotes when the Cubs are in the news, especially when he's writing a story that could use a Cub fan's perspective. He calls me because he knows that I'll be following the story (because of Just One Bad Century) and he knows that I'll give him a colorful quote (because of Just One Bad Century).

The best thing about getting quoted in an AP story is that runs all across the country. And this week's story about Theo Epstein is no exception.

It's in the Boston Globe.

It's in the Washington Post.

And it's in just about every other newspaper in the country, and some others outside the country, like The Winnipeg Free Press.

All I can say is: "Thanks Don."

Father Knows Nothing

This week's Father Knows Nothing column at NWI Parent is entitled "Unsolicited Advice".

You can read it here.

Cubs fan in the Cardinal's Clubhouse

The guy who caught the game winning homer by David Freese yesterday returned the ball to Freese, and in return was allowed to come into the clubhouse and meet the team. He brought his buddy with him too. And his buddy was wearing a Cubs shirt.

It's in all the pictures.

Love it.

Aramis

Aramis Ramirez now says that he would be willing to return to the Cubs because they brought in Theo Epstein.

But here's the thing, A-Ram. Now that the Cubs have brought in Epstein, it's not just a matter of saying "I'll come back" anymore. Maybe Epstein doesn't want you.

It's like a guy who dumps his girlfriend because she put on a few pounds, and then when she loses the weight after the breakup says..."You know what, I'll take you back now." Not so fast there, hotshot. Now she's got lots of other guys to choose from too, and some of them may be far better long-term prospects than you are.

HalloweeM

This Saturday I'm going to be one of the featured speakers/panelists at HalloweeM, a regional Chicago Area Mensa gathering. That's right, Mensa.

Remember, the first two letters of Mensa are M-E.

I'm sure alarms will be going off when I enter the room at the Westin Hotel in Wheeling between 12:30pm–2:30 pm (*Alert, average intelligence! *Alert, average intelligence!)

The subject matter for this discussion? Cubbie Blues – panel of sports writers on Chicago’s loveable losers. Sadly, Theo Epstein will not be attending. It will just be your humble Just One Bad Century editor (me), the editor of the Cubs book I contributed to (Cubbie Blues) Don Evans, fellow author/Cub lover/Cubbie Blues contributor Randy Richardson, and the publisher of that book George Rawlinson.

I'm actually pretty excited about it. Should be a good time.

Theo's Boys

Two more of Theo Epstein's boys have officially come aboard.

Meet Jed Hoyer and Jason McLeod.

"Hoyer worked with Epstein on Boston player acquisitions, contract negotiations and player evaluations. His speciality was quantitative analysis, also known as sabermetrics. But he combined that with practical scouting, which he also helped direct. McLeod's expertise is in amateur scouting. He is given credit for stocking and fortifying the Red Sox farm system under the guidance of Epstein and Hoyer."

This is making me salivate. I'm like Homer Simpson looking at bacon.

The Onion on Parenting

This is brilliant, and of course, true. An excerpt...

"Our research suggests that while overprotective parenting ultimately produces adults unprepared to contend with life's difficulties, highly permissive parenting leads to feelings of bitterness and isolation throughout adulthood," lead researcher Daniel Porter said. "And, interestingly, we found that anything between those two extremes is equally damaging, always resulting in an adult who suffers from some debilitating combination of unpreparedness and isolation. Despite great variance in parenting styles across populations, the end product is always the same: a profoundly flawed and joyless human being."

Love the Onion.

All Things Must Pass

I just posted my latest weekly Suburban Dad contribution to the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow. This one is called "All Things Must Pass" and it's about my favorite "passing wind" story.

You can read it here.

Theo in Chicago

I listened to this entire press conference on the radio yesterday, and I've never been this excited to be a Cubs fan. (Watch part of it here. It's just nice to see that Cubs logo behind him, isn't it?) I'm still giddy. I know the naysayers are out there (I've been hearing from you--and by the way, you Boston fans could be the most ungrateful group of fans on the face of the Earth), but would you mind letting us have this moment to dream again? At least for a season or two. Is that really too much to ask?

Theo

His press conference is happening right now. It's very exciting. It's like watching the bride walk down the aisle. She's beaming, thinking of the honeymoon and the wedded bliss, but even though you know it won't be long before she discovers the reality of dirty socks on the floor and uninvited flatulence, on this one special day you can't bring yourself to rain on her parade.

Somebody fetch me a Kleenex.

RIP Roy Smalley

He was the shortstop for the Cubs before a young Ernie Banks took his place. While he was on the Cubs, Smalley made headlines by marrying the sister of his teammate Gene Mauch.

Roy had some pop and a rifle arm, but he could never put it all together in the big leagues. His son (also named Roy) later played in the big leagues too.

Roy Smalley died on Saturday at the age of 85.

Bill Wyman

The former bass player for the Rolling Stones is 75 years old today. That's not a misprint. He's 75! Here he is in action, back in the day...

E-mails, we get e-mails...

From "BP", another friend in Boston...

"My idea for a great Halloween costume. Any Red Sox pitcher. Red Sox Jersey and cap, bucket of KFC under one arm, and six pack of Bud under the other."

It appears that the ol' drunk Red Sox pitchers story is getting big play in Beantown.

Oldest Cubs Fan

There aren't many left that were alive when the Cubs last won the World Series, but there is at least one. His name is Archie, he lives in Peoria, and he's 107 years old.

Father Knows Nothing

My latest Father Knows Nothing column is entitled "Balloon Grinch".

You can read it here.

Theo's a Cub

ABC News reported it last night.

Full details are here.

Time for a collective exhale, Chicago.

Another Twit in the Wall

Over the past few years, every time I met a fellow author and we discussed the various different platforms we use to promote our writing, they were always shocked that I hadn't yet joined Twitter. "You have to be on Twitter. It's essential."

I didn't want to do it. I really didn't. I'm a little overextended as it is. But with a brand new novel coming out in a few weeks, I buckled. I joined Twitter yesterday. And now, after pathetically asking you to "Friend" me on Facebook a few years ago, I must now also beg you to please follow me on Twitter.

Here's my Twitter page.

I promise to be brief. Of course, I have no choice. 140 characters is the limit.

Now can someone please explain the whole hashtag thing to me? I'm serious. I need some help. I'm a technical moron.

Baseball Costumes

Yahoo! Sports offers up five baseball costume ideas for Halloween this year. Among their suggestions: Giants pitcher Brian Wilson, Babe Ruth, A League of Their Own, a baseball toddler outfit, and making his triumphant return on the list this year...Steve Bartman.

Are you still wondering why Bartman refused to take part in that documentary?

Theo Update

Depending on who you believe, Theo will either be announced by the Cubs today (on the World Series off day) or Commissioner Selig may have to step in to mediate the situation. Both of those possibilities are suggested within this one article.

Asparagus

Had a wonderful side dish of asparagus last night with dinner and it had it's usual effect on me. I don't know why, but that chemical reaction never fails to amuse me.

I'm 48 going on 12.

The Song Remains the Same

35 years ago today Led Zeppelin released their concert film "The Song Remains the Same". It was a Midnight movie staple for many years after that...

Book about Bartman Play

A man from New Lenox has written a book about the Bartman play, looking at every conceivable angle. His conclusion: the ump should have called fan interference.

The details about the book are here.

16 years ago

My annual birthday tribute to my oldest boy Tommy makes it's way onto the City Mom blog at ChicagoNow this year.

It was 16 years ago today.

Happy birthday, kid. I'm still a very proud papa.

Why Teachers Drink

"ER" sent me this, and yes it's one of those forwarded e-mail things, but even if it's not true it's funny...


The following questions were set in last year's GED examination

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Epstein Talks Stalemate

It sounds like the talks between the Cubs and Red Sox have hit a bit of a snag. According to this piece on ESPN.com, the Red Sox have agreed to let him bring along a couple of their staffers (including the guy Ricketts admires the most--the guy who remodeled Fenway) but they haven't yet agreed on compensation.

Full details are here.

Jimi Hendrix

From Bob Dearborn's The Olde Disc Jockey's Almanac, this little tidbit from 45 years ago today...

"October 18, 1966…The Jimi Hendrix Experience played its debut concert in Paris as the opening act for French pop star Johnny Hallyday."

This is what it sounded like...

Red Sux

Good to see the Red Sox are being reasonable. All they wanted in return for Theo Epstein is our only good pitcher, Matt Garza.

Details are here.

And yes, the Cubs refused.